How to cope with anxiety and depression?

I've never made it that far so I'm in no position to give advice. That does seem like a long time to go hard mode. Maybe you've been dormant down below for so long that it will take a little sexual activity to wake the little guy up. I keep hearing that your body will tell you when you are out of a flatline, but I wonder if it's harder to tell when you're not so young anymore. Maybe you just need more time. Tough call to make, but I'm sure someone here has been there before and can give you a little more insight. Best of luck!

 

i would visit a psychologist,,,you sound pretty down and out and beaten down--try to think back to what really gave you joy before this whole pmo nightmare--what was it? was it swimming or looking at art or cooking or
drawing,,,whatever,,,try to think back to what really made you happy before this thing started and see if you can reconnect with that==thats my best advice

 

I'm in a very similar situation like you, except I'm in 'hardmode' for 9 months. And even after 9 months I'm still sinking to the new 'flatline' lows with every day. I'm not interested in any sexual activities and have absolutely no interest to have orgasm. I used to have sexual dreams, but even these seems to be gone now. Anxiety, depression is what I deal with daily. There are very few things left that still give me a pleasure and most of the time I'm so low energy that I could barely lift my hand.

I think patience is a crucial thing here. It's important to understand that for us who have decades of addiction it's naive to think that you can get rid of it and being healed in 90 days. Personally I expect it will take at least 2-3 years and knowing and being prepared for this helps me not to loose faith in my journey. I think about my old porn days often and what I know for sure is that I don't want to get back to PMO, so I'll continue anyway, doesn't matter how long it will take, I feel like I have not much to loose.

My advice is be patient and be prepared that your reboot process most likely will take a long time, much longer than initially expected. I don't know if it's good idea to go 'hardmode' for years, but I think your body will give you the answer. Don't force yourself. If you have no sexual desire, just leave it. One day it will come back anyway. Starting a therapy is a good idea. You already facing the fears that were masked by your PMO addiction and psychoterapy definitely could help you to cope with this. And ask yourself why you started this journey and do you really want back to PMO?

 

First off, well done on your reboot. I wonder if the whole PMO issue is/was only part of the problem. We are complex beings, us humans. I think talking with someone could be of great help. I've done it myself, and I've found that it has given me perspective which I couldn't see on my own. There are techniques that can help you process through your feelings ,which can lead to positive healing. In time you may find your healthy interests and passions returning.

 

Magnesium supplement

 

The depression and anxiety hit me really hard after 6 months of 'hardmode' (3 months ago). I'm still recovering from it. I can't say I experienced much of physical withdrawals symptoms during my first 6 months of reboot, but I had these symptoms years before I ever abstained from PMO. I would say they have weakened a little now. I also experience sadness, but maybe it was more pronounced during my first 3 months of 'hardmode'. Now I feel more anxiety than sadness. The feeling of being disconnected from other people is common when you have depression. When I'm in deep depression all people look not understanding and emotionally distant for me, but I think it's more related with my own mental condition, because when we are depressed we tend to concentrate to our inner world. Group psychoterapy helped me a lot with this. I found that talking about how bad I feel always helps me to get out of depression and restore the emotional connection with other people.

I feel changes, but they are very slow. When I was in my first months of 'hardmode' I thought everything will move faster and had lots of expectations. Now I realize that it will be a very long journey and definitely harder than I initially expected. I still don't understand lots of things about myself and how PMO addiction affected me.

 

Guys, no expert here, and NEVER gone hard mode as long as some of you have. But it seems to me that depression and/or anxiety at the late stages of reboot could be signs your mind and soul are telling you something about WHY you got addicted in the first place. I think making an appointment to talk to a therapist is good place to start. The therapist may be able to help you get to the WHY so that part can heal.

Again, no expert, but I think a lot. Suppose the hard mode reboot is about changing the habit and physiology of our addict. I've read about the dopamine impact from PMO and how a 90-day reboot helps to clear the body of that impact. The reboot is also about changing habits and identifying triggers. Find the trigger, learn a new way to respond, break the cycle. But, and this is a huge BUT, we're not going to really heal ourselves if we do not discover and resolve the underlying psychological reasons that led our habit to start. Depression and anxiety are ways the mind tells us there are unresolved issues, and hence the root cause. Discover the emotional or psychological cause, resolve it, heal.

Good luck, men!

 

I completely agree... while learning new habits and struggling with urges certainly isn't cake walk, dealing the emotional elements of recovery is where the rubber meets the road.

 

I agree as well. So far I'm having a much more difficult time taking those first steps to change my life situation than I am with abstaining from PMO. After awhile I just give in for few days and then try again. Such a frustrating cycle.

 

Thanks for the book recommendation!

 

It's hard to answer, because it's very individual process and it depends from the person a lot. I have no experience with individual psychotherapy yet, but for group pshychotherapy it definitely takes time. From my own experience the real changes were coming after 6 months of weekly meetings. The first few months I was just learning to express my feelings, I wasn't talking much. When I started to attend psychotherapy meetings I had no clue what psychotherapy is and how it works, so it took time to understand the whole process. Also in group psychotherapy the time is needed to build the relationships inside the group. The group psychotherapy to be effective 1 year is required at least. I suppose for individual therapy changes come faster and it takes less time. You can try few individual consultations, I think even few consultations might be useful and get you on the right track.

 

These are most probably Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms(PAWS). They hit me so hard after 4 months of reboot and were the reason that I relapsed. These PAWS episodes are the worst part of the reboot for me. Research says that they can continue for around two years. Hang in there, you will regret it deeply if you don't.
See here for more details: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/does-post-acute-withdrawal-syndrome-paws-occur-porn-addiction

 

Check this out. Helped me a lot.

 

Stay strong. I'm sure it's a mix of withdrawal as well as other problems. Stay to the road and definitely check therapy out. If not therapy, then maybe start a practice of contemplation. What bothered you about the day? What made you happy about the day? What things about the day do you regret? What happy thoughts did you have? What negative thoughts? How can you deal with negative situations better or differently? And so on. Could be helpful.

 

There a really good book on depression called How Hard It Really Is. It's written by J.S. Park who himself struggles with depression and writes honestly about his struggles. The book is well researched written to inform people about depression and how those who suffer from it can cope with it. Personally, it made me understand depression more. In the book he says there's not a single cure for it, one thing may help one person but not help another. For some people it can be exercising regularly, another having a pet can help, taking medication can help certain people and some other people it can be staying away from negative people, music and media. But it's down to the individual to find out what works for them. I'd encourage you to read the book because I think it will help you.

When it comes to anxiety I find listening to classical music to be helpful. Personally, I fall asleep listening to classical music and wake up listening to it as well. I find it very calming and it helps me have a good day. My prefered style of music is indie and hip-hop but classical is more relaxing. Another thing is meditating. You might find it weird if you've never tried it but it should help with anxiety. If you don't know how try the Smiling Mind app or programme, it's completely free and gives a good introductory programme to meditation. After doing their programme you should know enough to meditate with a programme but you might like to use the more advanced programmes on other apps like Headspace (that's what I'm doing).