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How to be happy alone?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by NotSoAverageJoe, Jul 17, 2017.

  1. NotSoAverageJoe

    NotSoAverageJoe Fapstronaut

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    I am so lonely and miserable, spent most of the day watching porn and RPing on a dumb chat site. It's fucking ridiculous that I continue to do this. I honestly think I have severe anxtand depression. I can't be happy, no matter what. As soon as I start to feel better it's like I'm not used to it and I end up getting scared back to the addiction.

    I'm 26, virgin, never had much luck dating, haven't kissed a girl in 2 years. I'm absolutely sick of being single however I know I'll always be alone as long as I'm not happy.

    I honestly have no idea how to just be happy, I'm seeing a bioenergetics therapist bi weekly as well as an addiction councillor. Also been attending SLAA meetings.

    I see everyone else out there dating and in relationships yet I can't even be happy for 1 day. I'm always miserable, stealing weed off my roommate just to get high and run away from myself.

    I mean, I have friends, a great family, almost done school and such yet I fucking hate myself.

    Some days I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, I'm so lonely it's insane. I desperately crave human touch and intamacy yet I am scared of even talking to girls. Even though I spent years leaning "pick up" with no success. I had ED anytime I did end up in bed with a girl.

    The reason I'm against giving up masterbating is simply I've lived in pain my entire life and can't stand the idea of giving up all sources of physical please.

    Fuck, the fuck am I supposed to do?
     
    nelloJ likes this.
  2. jest

    jest Fapstronaut

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    Start a gratitude journal, get some daily rituals going that can help you to be more positive.

    Don't you have an idea of where you want to be in the future? Focus on that, visualise your goals as already done.

    Meditate.

    These 3 things helped me immensely to the point of feeling euphoric, I kid you not. Our lives aren't as bad as we make them out to be, there's always someone in a much worse scenario. The issue lies in having one negative thought and then there's a snowball running down the hill effect, that's what our minds are programmed to do, if you can turn that around you'll see that being positive and feeling good is actually a choice.
     
  3. metadude90

    metadude90 New Fapstronaut

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    Honestly, the best thing to do is focus on yourself and think about the big picture. Aside from a partner, what do you really want out of life? What do you want to accomplish and who do you want to be? I often ask myself, if I died tomorrow, then how would I want to be remembered by everyone close to me in my life, and also what legacy will I leave behind? To some people the latter doesn't matter as much, however; everyone has the feeling of needing self worth. Yours happens to be directed toward needing a significant other which I personally feel is the wrong way to go about it. Become happy, and then you can help to make others happy.
     
  4. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    Dude how? You man the fuck up, quit looking at porn, quit jacking off, and do start talking to real live girls. You honestly just sound like a little bitch that right away takes the easy way out. Man the fuck up. I'm not trying to be a dick, I'm just giving you the tough love you need to hear.
     
  5. pranav02

    pranav02 Fapstronaut

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    Not the way to go about motivating mate. He's already hurt. Works on other people, to use that advice on people in the middle 20-30 days.
     
  6. pranav02

    pranav02 Fapstronaut

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    Your problem is you deem yourself too less worthy and your esteem hit a rock. Pick yourself back up, take time to re-evaluate, list down the good qualities you possess and surround yourself with positive people. I was in your situation once upon a time (2 months ago) but the thing is its just your mind playing tricks with you. Abstain firmly from porn and masturbation remembering your reasons and meditate and calm yourself down. You still have time.
     
  7. It's all about your state of mind.
    Some people feel peace & freedom & some people feel lonliness or depression.
    It's all about our mind dude.
     
    Clerk373 and kingpietro like this.
  8. kingpietro

    kingpietro Fapstronaut

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    Do not indulge in dreams of having what you have not, but reckon up the chief of the blessings you do posses and then thankfully remember how you would crave for them if they were not yours.

    marcus aurelius


    Like the peace warrior said its all about you're mind.
     
  9. kingpietro

    kingpietro Fapstronaut

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    empathy isn't your strongest point i guess
     
    Runtilmylegsdropoff likes this.
  10. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    I grew up way before snowflake and PC culture. Guys these days have it so much easier. I can't have a lot of sympathy for the OP because he chooses not to talk to real live women.
     
    The Consigliere likes this.
  11. JamesWarrior

    JamesWarrior Fapstronaut

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    This sounds like a self-esteem issue. I would suggest you start with honesty. Give up the porn for good, and I recommend giving up the masturbation as well for a period of time for a stronger reboot/recovery and to instill discipline. The weed or any drug will not help you, especially if you have depression and anxiety, it is most likely you are turning to weed to run away from your internal suffering and that will only cause MORE internal suffering. You have to stop, or you will remain in this place for the rest of your life. To feel better about yourself, begin doing right by yourself and others, stop doing that which makes you feel bad, ashamed or hate yourself - do that which brings you pride and self-respect, this will build a character of strength and increase your self-esteem. Happiness will come as you change yourself for the better and begin to feel better about yourself, and as you address your depression and anxiety issues - dig deep, don't leave them there or run away, face it, it is the only way out.

    As for women, firstly focus on yourself, get your head and life in order, that is what matters. When that is done, it is as simple as approaching a woman and saying hello, take it from there. Get yourself to a place where you feel confident about yourself and where you are going and channel that, don't hide in the shadows. The loneliness that you feel will pass in time IF you choose to change - loneliness is simply ourselves trying to tell ourselves that we have separated ourselves from ourselves, we have lost touch with ourselves and who we truly are. Loneliness has nothing to do with others, it is always about ourselves. I suggest you get back in touch with yourself and stop running away from yourself, then it will be impossible to be ''lonely'' because you will feel so full when you know who you are.
     
    Clerk373 and nelloJ like this.
  12. kingpietro

    kingpietro Fapstronaut

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    Are you guys interesting in a blog about on how to approuche woman? a few mental tips to get you strenghten to apporuch woman?

    if so i might post a threath every weak to improve you'rself. I have a feeling a lot of guys will benefit from it. but if nobody is interested in it i won't do it.
     
  13. kingpietro

    kingpietro Fapstronaut

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    You are wrong guys these days have it thougher there is much more competition. because of dating apps.You need to open and seduce a woman much better to get her to choose you. You need to make sure she has a feeling she would love to go out with you.

    in the time before you just had to talk to a girl and contact her.

    Girls these days are olso superficially the way you dress is as much important as the way you are.
     
  14. Nymeria

    Nymeria Fapstronaut

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    Gratitude, forgivness, compassion, creative visualisation... Watch what happens when you practice this on a daily basis. I highly recommend a book called "Code of the extraordinary mind" by Vishen Lakhani. He teaches how to develop these attributes in depth and i cant stress enough how much they have helped me be happy.. coming from a depressed and anxiety filled person. I don't need anyone or anything to make myself happy anymore, i have myself, i am enough!

    I watched porn yesterday after a 20 streak, it didnt phase me at all like it did in the past. Theres something about happiness, it makes you not need validation or approval anymore, simply you know you are enough
     
  15. The Consigliere

    The Consigliere Fapstronaut

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    You can't be happy if you aren't happy with yourself. Own up to it and work from there. Everyone gave you great advice here. And we're all here for each other. You know what's wrong in your life as you pointed out the wrongs in your life in this post. So start from there and work your way to become a better version of you. Once you are a better version of you then you can look into having a relationship and have mutual respect without any issues.
     
  16. Yeah and let me guess: You had the love of your life handed down to you at around 18? Just like how lucky my parents got in the 90s. The older generations are just as entitled as millennials are today, just in a different way. Don't think your shit don't stink.
     
  17. The Consigliere

    The Consigliere Fapstronaut

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    But he's right? It's a lot easier haha. I've listened to the older guys in my family including my Dad about girls. Yeah, the older generations are like my generation in a way, but it was different. Guys can get whoever if they just got off their asses and put a little effort into it. I 100% agree with @Runtilmylegsdropoff
     
    Runtilmylegsdropoff likes this.
  18. "Guys can get whoever if they just got off their asses and put a little effort into it."
    You must be horribly disillusioned my friend. Seek a shrink.
     
  19. The Consigliere

    The Consigliere Fapstronaut

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    I'm only being real with what reality is. Am I that type of guy? No. I take my time when it comes to relationships. I hate jumping the gun and even worse being put in a position such as peer pressure to jump the gun on a relationship. I see it around me with peers (I just graduated high school) and in our culture in general. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just stating an observation I've made over the past 4 years.
     
  20. Good thing I only have to put up with my dad's generation for another 20, maybe 40 years. When I hit their age, they'll be dropping dead of heart attacks or what have you. Time changes everything.
     

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