How to appropriately respond to an urge

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Have you ever been triggered and felt a strong urge to watch porn or masturbate?

While ignoring (suppressing) an urge may temporarily put it under control, it will eventually come back. It's like trying to hold down a beach ball under water. It’s not too difficult at first… but the longer you try to hold it down, the harder it becomes. Eventually, it will pop up to the surface with a stronger force.

So, what do you do?

In my experience, ignoring an urge almost never works. Consciously making an effort to suppress an intrusive thought only makes it go deeper into the wiring of our brain and usually takes deeper and stronger roots only to resurface again. Suppressing (ignoring) an unwelcome intrusive thought takes a lot of mental energy that could be used for something else more productive.

Instead, for me, actually doing the opposite thing has given me tremendous relief. That is, not ignoring but confronting the urge by talking about it has almost always worked for me.

This method may seem strange at first, but it works.

For example, when I'm triggered after remembering a sexual experience, seeing something on the internet, or stumbling upon a sexy scene in a movie, or a model in a magazine, I tell myself out loud, "I feel something inside me. I am being triggered by this [describe the image, memory, or flashback you are experiencing.] I am getting aroused and I feel an intense impulse to give into this urge. However, this urge is only momentarily... It will go away soon... I feel ok now." After saying this to myself out loud once or twice, the urge quickly loses its power.

Metaphorically speaking, once you shine some light into that dark space, you can see that darkness is only the absence of light. The urge loses its mystery.

If you want to give this a try it is extremely important that you actually talk to yourself in spoken, audible words. If you are in public, try saying it just loud enough so you can hear yourself without grabbing the attention of others.

Words have power indeed!

I hope this helps!

-Josh