How NoFap ruined me.

I was addidted to M since I was 13-14 years old I far as I can remember. It was once daily or maybe alternate days. No P because of no internet.

I never had a problem with masturbation. I was perfectly fine. I was among the best students academically, above 80%. I cleared my 10th with 79%. My 12th with 75% with this addiction.

Then I went to college. I was masturbating daily to release the tension, masturbationg everyday in the morning so that the urge will not destract me. and somehow it worked. I was a good student. 4 years went on and I graduated wil 71%. Enough I think to get a job.

In college I became addicted to porn. Interet came. But I was fine. If I had hours of study ahead of me, I could still focus on it because I dont consider Porn and Masturbation as an addiction then. It never hindered my performance. My grades were always good because I gave it the first priority and porn was my second priority.

But then I found noFap. P and M was considered as an addiction. I tried hard and achieved a 93 days HardMode in 2016.

But after that I was not able to do it again, I had some good streaks always. But I never had such a streak.

I became frustrated, I STARTED HITTING THE GYM HARD, STARTED EXERCISING MORE, HOPING IT WILL HELP. AND IT HELPED ME. BUT FINALLY KILLED ME.

I HAD TWO SLIPED DISCS IN MY L5-S1 AND L4-L5. I CRIED FOR HELP MANY TIMES. I TOLD MY DOCTOR THAT I THINK I HAD COMPRESSED MY DISC, SINCE THE PAIN WAS RADIATING TO THE RIGHT LEG, BUT HE NEGLECTED. I THOUGHT HE WAS RIGHT SINCE HE WAS A DOCTOR.

AND THEN MY PROBLEM GOT WORSE. I TOLD HIM AGAIN. I GOT A X RAY. THE REPORT WAS NORMAL BUT HE TOLD ME THAT THERES A COMPRESSION, NOT IN LOWER BACK BUT IN THE UPPER BACK. I WAS CONFUSED, ONE- THE REPORT WAS NORMAL AND TWO- I DONT HAVE ANY PROBLEM IN MY MID BACK. BUT I BELIEVED HIM. HE SUGGESTED ME WRONG EXERCISE AND THE PROBLEM BECAME WORSE.

I TOLD HIM AGAIN, THEN HE SAID THAT I HAVE SI JOINT DISLOCATION. I DID MANY FORWARD BENDING EXERCISES FROM YOUTUBE, TWO CHANNELS- "YOGA WITH ADRIENE", "SmashweRx". And the problem became worse.

I was crying for help. Everytime I went to the doctor, I said I wanted to get MRI done, he refused me, embarrasing me saying since you don't earn please don't waste your parents money.

I told him again I want MRI, please give me prescription. He said the money you will spend on an MRI from that money I will cure you. I told him that it had been months since I am visiting you but still I am in pain, he said he hadn't started curing me yet. I thought then were you joking with me. It had been seven months.

I asked MRI again, he said MRI is done if the problem is not diagnoised, your problem is SI joint. He was so wrong. Till then I had lost all my beliefs on him.

I went to another doctor, I asked for MRI, the reply was, people try to escape from MRI, why you want to waste money.

I was crying inside. Finally on my birthday this 2nd of June, I had my MRI done.

I had annular tear and disc protusion. I am so worried now about my life. Fear, guilt, worries. I am afraid.

I told I had some disc problem seven months ago in Nov, 2017 to the doctor. I told him thousand times, that I had disc problem, he rufused everytime. I told him the pain is radiating to the leg in the calf. He said if there was a disc then the pain would have been a straight line. Since you dont have pain in your hamstring, theres no disc. The pain in your calf muscles could be some muscle problem. He was so wrong. I told him that earlierI had pain in the hamstring too, he ignored.

I make a huge mistake believing a person I dont know personally. I thought of going to other doctor because of lack of resources I couldnot. Nobody helped me. I cried thousand times.

What I had gone through, nobody can imagine. I had an MRI of my own. I knew I was going to die. I went to the hospital alone. And now maybe in the future, coming nearby years, I will suicide.

Takeaway: the problem starts when we make our opinions based on other peoples opinion.

I have numbness in my right foot and weakness and lower back pain. I cannot live like this. I will not survive. I will kill myself one day.

That doctor always change everytime I visited him, oneday he told one thing, then the other day, he told something different, one day he told this exercise and other day he told a different. One day he told I had vitamin D deficiency and the other day he told me I had SI joint dislocation. Always ignoring me.

Lastly after seeing the MRI report, he told he is going to burn my disc through a laser. How could he be so cruel. Its better to have a surgery. He thought that I am so ignorant that I would give myself to him since I respected him till now. He is planning to kill me.

God please save me.

 

you are right, I was unable to maintain a balance in my life.