1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

How Much Should You Know About Your SO Ex's?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Deleted Account, Sep 10, 2017.

  1. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

    2,007
    3,391
    143
    So if he saw her somewhere you would not want to know? Or if you were going on vacation to the same place they went then either? All I'm saying is if your partner tells you things about their exes be careful with saying you don't want to know anything.
     
  2. I am saying if the guy I am dating mentions his ex is a big red flag. You only talk about someone if you still think about them. given they ended their relationship they shouldn't have any contact anymore
     
  3. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

    2,007
    3,391
    143
    So if your partner was married for 10 years, you expect that he will never think about that person again? That's not realistic. And if you have that type of expectation you are setting yourself up to be lied to. Your partner still thinks about their ex they just don't tell you. What if he was married for longer, or has children with the woman? People don't lose their pasts just because they are with you. And if you see your ex in public you are supposed to ignore them? Come on now. I can't imagine your reaction if he called you his exes last name, which happens a lot! Talking too much about your ex is bad, mentioning them on the first date is bad too, but in a long term relationship not talking or having a partner that refuses to allow you to talk is a much bigger red flag. Being able to deal with your partners life before you takes great emotional maturity there is no doubt but it needs to be gained. You think you are protecting yourself by asking them not to talk but in reality you are setting yourself up to be lied to which hurts more. People don't just wipe their lives from their mind when they meet you. So yes they will think about their exes, many even still follow them on social media, in your case they just won't tell you. The younger you are the easier it is to do what you are asking but by age 40 most people have been married before and have kids, you don't just wipe that.
     
    Kenzi and Deleted Account like this.
  4. Yeah, I agree. I mean I love my husband more than anything in this world, and I can't imagine being happier with anyone else, but I think about my exes pretty often, and I'm still friends with a couple of them. It would be strange if I went from being head over heels in love with a boy, talking about marriage, to never thinking or talking about him again, just because he broke up with me. I'm not still in love with him or anything, but he was a very important person in my life for a long time, so it would be completely unrealistic is someone expected me to never talk about him or think about him.
     
    GG2002 likes this.
  5. I agree with the idea of not thinking about ex's as being unrealistic but not sure about still following them on social media. I blocked my ex from all social media (except WhatsApp). I don't think ex's make good friends. I told my ex that... She wanted to be friends but I refused and we contact each other at all. I admit now and again waves of resentment and bitterness roll over me, I don't let it remain or live in it, and sometimes I find myself looking back smiling and laughing about certain thing that happened between us. So generally when I look back I see it as a chapter in my life where I learnt things but now it's a closed chapter.
     
  6. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

    2,007
    3,391
    143
    I think part of this is a gender thing. I've read a lot that men compartmentalize things and women don't. So a man has a room for his exes, his friends his work and his current partner, but the rooms don't connect. A women's rooms all connect. So often women feel left out of parts of their partners lives because they won't let them in that room, whereas women let you in all of their rooms. I often wonder if that's why women tend to be better at multitasking.
     
  7. Yeah, I've heard that. Men's brains are like waffles and women's brains are like spaghetti. :emoji_grin:
     
    FlatlineFred and GG2002 like this.
  8. I've never met a guy that wanted to know details about his SO's past relationships. Wanting to talk about past relationships seems to be mostly a female problem and it's one of many reasons I'll probably never be in a relationship again. The absolute last thing I want to talk about or hear about is her (whoever she is) past lovers and I sure as hell don't want to discuss my shitty past either.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 16, 2017
  9. Obviously if you SO has kids with an ex, he has to talk about the ex. I get that. But normally exes are exes for a reason and to me it doesn't make any sense being still in touch with an ex if you don't have kids with or a shared job

    I could never be friends with an ex and then seeing him with someone else even after I don't feel anything for him anymore. It would still hurt me coz there was a moment in the past when I wish the new person they have now was me. It's a feeling that doesn't go away

    Sometimes I think about my exes but I wouldn't talk to my current partner about my exes. I would do it just to hurt him

    I don't think my current SO would want to know that I gave a certain ex a particular pet name or that a place was our spot etc.
     
  10. I think that's completely dependent on the person and also on the relationship. For example, my first boyfriend was a guy I had known since I was like a little kid. I was friends with his entire family for my whole life, so it would have been pretty strange for me to NOT still be friends with him after we broke up, especially since I was very close with his brother and saw him like multiple times a week, all the time.

    I definitely have a fee exes who aren't still friends of mine, but for the most part that was their choice, not mine. I have another ex-of-sorts who I didn't even know for very long before we sort of got together, but the relationship wasn't official and it was very short lived, and we are still friends on social media, and I think he's an amazing person and a great friend.

    I feel like there are way too many factors for this question to have a general answer that covers everyone. Sometimes it's not healthy to be friends with an ex... sometimes, like in my case with my first boyfriend, it would be weirder if we weren't still friends than it would be if we were. It really just depends on the people involved and the situation.
     
    GG2002 likes this.
  11. Poseidon

    Poseidon Fapstronaut

    949
    1,615
    123
    Barf, no guy wants to hear about some other dude who used to shove his dick up you. You're the one exhibiting red flags by talking about him in the first place. It makes us think you're not over him... and a laundry list of other possibilities.
     
  12. Sounds like you didn't even read what she said.

    Personally I completely agree with her, certain aspects of past relationships (like why they ended) are pretty useful to know.
     
  13. FlatlineFred

    FlatlineFred Fapstronaut

    170
    113
    43
    Guys don't want to hear

    He was incredibly good looking
    He has a very large penis
    The sex was incredible

    I imagine women don't want to hear

    She was totally beautiful
    She had a smoking hot body
    She was amazing in bed.
     
  14. Temujin

    Temujin Fapstronaut

    400
    270
    63
    Yeah. I wouldn't advise talking about your exs.

    It just seems like a dumb idea from any angle

    At least I don't really like it when my GF talks about her exs. Although it's often mentioning how much better I am than them. Which ain't so bad to hear :).

    Still though I think it's better to just not bring it up
     

Share This Page