How many wives...

Hey man, what's going on? Are you ok?

 

We aren't married, but been together for 15 years. I don't know if that counts, but to me it does. That said I've never wished he would die, I never want any pain on him. It hurts me to see the pain in him when I'm struggling, sometimes I want to hold it back. But it has to get out.
I don't want to start over, and even if we couldn't heal together I don't want 'someone else'.
I do however sometimes wish I was dead.

 

I don't believe I've ever said that to Jak (and if I did I assume it was in the discovery which is hazy to remember all that was said) but I do remember (and have said many times) that I wish I could die so I wouldn't have to feel this pain. I never wish Jak to be dead, in fact it's the opposite. One thing that worries me is that I will lose him in a car accident or something random like that and Jak and I will never have a chance to truly be healed and all couple-y. As much pain as he brought to the relationship, I couldn't imagine my life without him and truly I want us to heal.

I hope everything is okay for you. Here if you need to talk.

 

I have not thought that, but I have thought that I hate him (only in a few desperate moments of deep pain, but in those moments, I really did). I have never told anyone that though, not even my bestest friend in the whole world, and she knows everything about this journey. I vaguely remember posting it here one night in the beginning when I was having a bad night, or maybe I didn't and just thought about it.

I'm sorry for whatever it is that is going on right now. Still praying. I know that sounds cliche but I do pray regularly for your marriage.

 

same here.

i wished i could just sleep and never wake up.

but i have too, for the kids.

 

I have never wished he would die.
I hope this is just a hypothetical question for you and that all is OK.

 

No. I have fantasized about punching him in the face in moments of anger, but nothing even close to fatal violence or death. (I haven't actually hit him, and I won't do so.)

I'd much rather get a divorce than my husband die. I don't have kids. If we divorced, I would never have to see my husband again. He could be dead to me.

Like others commenting above, I have been passively suicidal at times due to the pain in the relationship. It's a very strange feeling. I don't actively want to die, and I realize logically that divorce would be a better choice if I got desperate. The death idea just pops up sometimes as an "easy out."

If my spouse ever told me that he wishes for my death, I would consider that a very serious physical threat.

 

start over, yeah sometimes. but not to the extent of him dying.

maybe its just figure of speech... people say it without really want it.


thank God it wasnt your wife...

 

I can't speak for all SOs, but for me, no I've never thought anything like that.

I HAVE heard women say this involving custody with their ex. Meaning, if their husband was gone, they wouldn't have to deal with the kids going over there and all that. It's more of a mama bear thing then I think... like they don't like something that is happening when the kids are with him.

 

I have daydreamed about taking a sledgehammer to his phone, his laptop, and his hands so he can't wank himself, but never have I wished, hoped for, or wanted him to die.

 

I have never felt that way, wished or day dreamed anything like that. I’m in line with everyone else here, had thoughts of punching him a few times but never really wanted to. I more wished that things never happened, I would daydream and wish that there had been no cheating, porn or one foot out the door.

 

It's very sad that your wife's friend feels so trapped in her marriage.