How many times a week ;)

Hehehe...it doesn't "piss me off" -- but, it is very eye-opening to me.

 

0 times in 2 years. Very infrequent before that. Spouse is mentally and emotionally unable to have sex. She was like this well before my PMO addiction and refuses to get help. She's a great person, but she does not mentally understand sex, and doesn't want to understand.

Honestly, it's annoying to hear people analyze 2 versus 3 times per week, etc. Also annoying to see people blame a PA for everything that goes wrong in a relationship when there's obviously two people involved in every relationship, each with their unique set of problems, reacting to each other in unique ways, that we will never understand on this forum (and people in similar situations are probably not the type of people to post on internet forums). Sorry this post went a little sideways but I mainly wanted to say that sex is not a numbers game.

 

I don't doubt the value of the thread, however it becomes concerning when so many ponder the state or value of their relationship and it's reduced to a number frequency.

 

I don't live with my GF, and we only mange to see each other 2-3 nights a week. So, once a week on average for us, but that's because we don't get much time together. We're also in our 50's. I know for me, it's not the drive it used to be. I still love sex, but I don't get myself in a all wound up if I don't get it, like I used to when I was younger

 

My boyfriend that I was with for 3 years before I met my husband, and I had more sex in 3 years than my husband and I have had in 18! :/

 

I should add to my previous post that before D-day and reboot, it was once or twice a month. I thought he just had a low drive.

It seems you are projecting your personal frustrations on many here. I don't think anyone's intent is to reduce a relationship to mere numbers, but a before and after snapshot can sometimes help one gauge where things are going, or at least where they were. Asking for others' input can help in the same manner. It's normal to wonder if the things that go on in your relationship are similar to what goes on in other people's.

You make the assumption that every PA/SO relationship must have had problems aside from the addiction and that isn't necessarily the case. In fact, it isn't the case for many people here. A good number here had wonderful relationships until the addiction was revealed, or until evidence of it began to show. As it is stated over and over and over again, the addiction has nothing to do with the SO, but how the PA copes with life's issues, so regardless of what else is going on, regardless of the SO's reactions, the only one responsible for the addiction is the PA.

 

Yeah I agree. Jak and I , until the addiction came out, we had pretty much no issues, except he gets mad if I wear my socks inside out! Those are the kinds of things we would argue about, small things, easily changed (I haven't worn my socks inside out since he expressed how annoying it was to him). Once the addiction came out, well our seemingly amazing relationship (that our friends were jealous of) came crashing down. And sex before Dday(s) well once every day/every other day or 2 times a day. So we've gone down a little (ranging between 2-5x/wk) but I think that's because his natural sex drive is showing. And yes, counseling helps a ton in the aftermath!

 

Thanks for starting this thread. I’ve wondered the same thing. We’re in our early 40’s, and we’re still not having much sex since his last relapse and disclosure. It’s been over a month. We’ve gone through periods in our relationship where it’s been as frequently as twice a day down to as infrequently as every couple of months when he was acting out. Back then, I was more often the initiator, although sometimes he would be. I think our current dearth of sex is partially due to intimacy anorexia on both our behalfs. I can be all-or-nothing when it comes to sex (especially when I don’t feel trusting), and so can he. He has been initiating more since stopping PM, but we’ve also had other, unrelated obstacles come up recently that have prevented us from getting back into some sort of rhythm, so to speak. I’m hoping we find something we’re both comfortable with pretty soon.

 

Before we'd try a couple times a week, but he had PIED that was getting worse over the last year. So it normally wouldn't work out. Since DDay it has been 3-5x a week. Sometimes more, but not less. I'd have sex everyday if he was up to it. He initiates it, sometimes I'll hint. But after being rejected so many times over the years I can't bring myself to be how I use to be. He did tell me I can initiate last night, but I am not ready for that yet.

 

Usually have sex once a week. We have a 2 and 4 year old and it’s difficult to find time and not be stressed out. I would prefer 2/week but that usually doesn’t happen. My parents take our kids overnight fridays and that makes it a lot easier.

 

Maybe he's dealing with shame and feelings of unworthiness.