How many times a week did your partner consume porn?

prior to me, 2-3 times a day, once he knew how I felt he was able to stop (history shows) for a couple months, then started using again, it was sporadic, but still there. the usage was about 30 times in a year before the big dday (not including psubs). So he dramatically reduced his use on his own and was trying to stop secretly.

Your husband is in denial about his addiction and his usage affecting you and trying to make it acceptable to use. If you set a clear boundary stating you're not okay with it, then he should respect that boundary.

 

My husband's use was gradual over the years. By the time I discovered it it was multiple times a day.

 

For a lot of years, he says every few months. Then last year for a period of about 7 months he had a lot of things happened and the use really ramped up to 2-3 times a day, at least that is what he's admitted to. The content changed as well. So this is what he says, I'll really never know the truth, but I think he's being honest (now).

 

And one thing that is probably silly that really hurt me about it was that it was the first thing he did when he woke up and the last thing he did before he went to bed. For some reason, that stings.

 

@TryingToHeal My husband used first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I don't know if you've discussed why your husband did that, but my husband answered that at the end of the day, trying to get to sleep all the depressing thoughts would come in and he would need to escape that to sleep. So he would use, hate himself, listen to depressing music and fall asleep. In the morning, he would feel depression at the thought of the day ahead of him and would use to ease the pain. Personally, for me, nights and mornings are so hard. For the longest time I would have panic attacks in the morning when my husband would shower (since that's when he would use). I don't have panic attacks much anymore, but slight anxiety. But we have talked about it and for me, hearing how depressed my husband was evoked empathy in me so I could understand why those were the times he used.

 

@AnonymousAnnaXOXO my husband said he started using at those times because he felt lonely and then it became a habit he couldn't break. The reason this started is that his shift changed at work and we no longer went to bed together at the same time or woke up together. He did express to me that he didn't like this, but I did not realize how much this affected him. That is what started it all (plus his doctor also RXed him a really high dose of testosterone about a month after this, didn't help at all! I am not making excuses. He made the choice and he shouldn't have but that is the reasons he gave for starting it.). He had casually looked at it every few months prior to that time in his life. At that point was when it became a habit and he became an addict, IMO.

I totally get what you mean about being triggered by those times. I was for a long time as well. It is really hard.

 

Up to 8-9 times a day, at the most... And At least 6 days a week... I'd say the actual average was 4-5x daily.

 

His answer changes, but 5 times a week when out of town (for at least an hour each time), to 2-3 times a week when at home on days off.

 

He's a year and a half sober now... Sooooo... More impressive

 

I listed his improvements in another thread... Hang on I'll tag you in a second

 

It's kind of like saying I only cheat once a week so it's ok. That's how I've come to view it anyway

 

I've noticed I usually wake up horny to some extent. Then I read that guys have more testosterone in the morning which accounts for "morning wood". That might affect the habit for some guys. They have to prepare their minds for the morning assault and learn to push through it.

 

Guys have morning wood because of a full bladder. (which naturally accures when sleeping)
It's science.
You can Google it.

 

Yup. Full bladder => morning wood=> 'hey look what I found!' => 'you know what else I could do with this'

 

Yea that makes sense I should have considered the bladder aspect. Still, I did read somewhere that testosterone levels are elevated in the morning. Maybe they just meant after sleeping. On another note...
It's kind of a stupid thing that a full bladder gives you wood because it's very difficult to pee with an erection

 

All hormones are Slightly elevated after sleep... It's why pregnancy tests are more effective in the morning.