How many chances?

I'm sorry you are going through this. Don't beat yourself up over it. You are not a sucker for sticking around. But you need to make boundaries and stick to them. He won't stop until he wants to or hits rock bottom and it sounds like he isn't there yet. To me it wouldn't matter if he met up with others or not. He's putting the effort into it and giving strangers your street. You are suffering because of his behavior and he could be putting his family in danger. Have you been to counseling? Either together or a part?

 

That is how my BF was. He'd lie till I had proof. Every few years or so for 15 years. But this last time I can see changes and believe he is trying to change his behaviors. I don't know what did it this time. No matter the promises they won't change til they are ready, you just have to decide how much more you can take. And having kids in the mix makes it that much harder, I'm sure.

 

I am so sorry to hear what you going through. My wife and I are in the similar situation, to be exact my wife in the similar situation as you. I've been doing PM for so long it's just became a part of me, and for many years I lied and snuck around. First time she caught me right after our first daughter was born. It was a big hit for her, but she told what will she do. She just had a baby and didn't want to a single mom, so she gave me a chance and u stopped for a while. I'm not sure exactly how long passes till I started it again. When she caught me first time I was watching P on my phone and I knew she can find that so when I started agian I was looking for new ways to watch P. So I did find, where we live we have these P stores and they have private both. So I start going there every chance I got. I started to falling in again, pretty bad. Started to plan, if I'll drive my wife to work I can stop by and PM. Unfortunately it didn't stop there, I went further. I didn't not have an affair with any one, but I've deffenatly hit rock bottom. I'm not comfortable to go in details what I did, my wife know I had a full disclosure with her. Second time she caught me in thus past september, she was doing something on my phone, I never really hid my phone from her, I just thought what I was doing was hidden. So, when she was on my phone, after the update app that I used to watch P pops up and she sees what I was watching. She confirmed me and I denied, she showed me what she found and there was nothing I can say. She gives me another chance and tells me if I relaps all she wants is the truth. Of course only on few month she catches me again. This time she said that we done, no more chances. We will stay together till our eldest goes to night school, but that's it. She sent me thus site and said that I can do what ever I want with this and I did. I went on it the next day, started the journal, watching videos and reading articles. I talk to poeple, and started to talk to her. In the past I tried on my on and failed, also our connection got worse, because my action and lack of affection for she build a wall between us. Now this wall is shacking. I want to change and doing everything I can. @Numb is right till he wants to change himself nothing can be done. My connection and intimacy with my wife if at the best right now, and I know I'm still in the early stage of my recovery, but I'm doing everything I can and utilizing the tools on those site. I've never so honest with my wife and she stated to open up to me, she told me stuff that she's been keeping inside for many years.
It is possible, but he gotta want to and it's a battle. For me and I'm sure for every PA who on this path can say that recovery is the every day battle.
I wish you luck and stay strong.

 

That's so tough Castle Black - My heart goes out to you.
Regardless whether you keep forgiving him or not, please don't try for a baby now, not at this point. It would make things so much more difficult for you if you decide you're worth more than being lied to constantly, and walk away. First thing I did was take my engagement ring off. I'm not committing to anyone who prefers porn/self-gratification instead of me, a real woman.
Sending peace n hugs X

 

Ahhh - my apologies for making that assumption but congratulations! I hope the pregnancy is apart from this, going smoothly.
Of course, it does change things as leaving is not that simple in this situation. But I don't think that means it's hopeless either. If he's looking at it and talking about it, that's already a good start. Many PAs don't even know they have a problem especially if they're single (they don't have to worry about performing in bed and sexual gratification is something they can get on a 10 mins workbreak, with a hand and a phone). My PA was happy doing this obsessively when single but after he got with me...then the problems started.
Is your PA showing signs of trying to get better? Not just saying "sorry" (I've heard that again and again) but actually going out of his way to find out about his condition, how it affects you and what he needs to do to get better? I find that's the key. If he is, that's a great sign of wanting recovery.
Whatever you decide, please keep posting. I ask this for selfish reasons - I get so much out of reading SOs posts - I'm finally not alone! As you know, it's not something to raise around a family dinner table. Even my friends don't know - it's so humiliating to think I'm that repulsive, he preferred an air-brushed, nasty fantasy.
You're right in that all the porn/classified etc has to go. When we learn about how the brain responds to this stimuli, we can see how relapse happens. I wish I could make this better for you, especially as you're carrying a baby now. Please put yourself and the baby first and protect yourself - this is a very stressful experience for those of us who aren't pregnant so you need to be extra vigilant of your stress levels. That doesn't mean leaving him but maybe having a solid, plan B so (God forbid), the worst does happen, you've got somewhere in mind where you can raise your children in a safe, loving and protective environment.
Sending extra hugs for the baby too X