How I got to 90 days and how/why I plan to never fap again

About me/My Story


I'm 17m living in the US who wanted to stop fapping for religious regions (yeah, I'm a christian). I get fairly exceptional grades in school and I do well in track and field. I've never done drugs or consumed alcohol and I'm not the type of person to cave into peer pressure. Although I'm not gay, I've never desired to have a relationship with a girl. I would rather focus on my studies and get a girlfriend after I have more free time and/or a job. I never came into nofap searching for "super powers" or any of that.


My Journey


I initially tried sometime near the middle of the fall in 2013. I lasted about 2 weeks then failed and immediately gave up. I watched this subreddit regularly during those 2 weeks and I couldn't figure out why I was failing. Needless to say I didn't try it again or even really think about nofap for the following 2 months. In mid-December I got my winter break from school as I do every year, and as you can probably imagine. I fapped a lot. I mean, what else did I have to do during this 2 week break from school? Anyways, Christmas passed and school started back up again. As usual, school starts to get harder after winter break and I was quite busy in early January of 2014. It wasn't until about 2 weeks after not fapping that I even noticed that I hadn't fapped for 2 whole weeks. (Keep in mind that, at this point, I had not been involved in nofap for 2 months and had no intentions to return). Upon realizing that I hadn't fapped for 2 weeks without even trying. I was extremely confused. Before, when I was trying really hard, I couldn't barely get to 2 weeks without doing everything in my power to control it. That's when I had my epiphany:

• BOREDOM AND FREE TIME ARE THE KILLERS

Upon realizing that I had gone 2 weeks without fapping, I figured that I might as well make it my new years resolution to not masturbate at all in 2014 (I haven't fapped since late December, 2013) so I hopped back on this subreddit to set my counter. While it hasn't been the easiest thing I've ever done, making it to this 90 day mark has been easy when I compare it to my first failed 2 week attempt back in the Fall of last year.


How you should approach nofap <-- MOST IMPORTANT SECTION!!!


Right off the bat here, I need to say this; if you want to be successful with nofap and if you want to reap the true benefits you must keep in mind that:

• NOFAP IS NOT SIMPLY ABOUT ABSTAINING FROM FAPPING, IT'S ABOUT A MINDSET CHANGE

(which then LEADS to the prevention of fapping, NOT the other way around)
Simply abstaining from fapping without changing your mindset will not only be very difficult, but it will do very little as far as the benefits of nofap such as the "super powers" some people claim to recieve. What type of a lifestyle change am I talking about? Well put simply:

• WE NEED TO STOP OBJECTIFYING WOMEN (or men)

This NOT ONLY means we stop fapping, this means you DON'T WATCH P AT ALL, this means that when you're walking around,

• YOU CAN'T LOOK AT A GIRL(or guy) AND START FANTASIZING.

You need to do everything in your power to avoid ALL sexual thoughts throughout your day (only exception may be with your significant other). When you're avoiding sexual thoughts, you can't watch P or edge at all. Let me repeat that:

• YOU CAN'T WATCH P OR EDGE AT ALL (no matter how much you think you can control yourself, EVEN IF YOU CAN, you still CAN'T WATCH P OR EDGE)

Keep in mind, I'm not talking about relapsing here. If you relapse, that's completely different. I'm talking about the people with the mindset that they're going to go watch P or edge to try to satisfy their sexual cravings without M and/or O. If this is your mindset, you're missing the point. A common misconception with some fapstronauts, specifically newer ones, is that you can somehow take upon the nofap challenge while still watching P and/or edging and be successful while reaping the benefits of nofap. While it's still possible to abstain from fapping when watching P or edging, YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT OF NOFAP and you will NOT reap the rewards of nofap. Let me put it this way: if you're an alcoholic, you're not going to go to the liquor store and buy a bottle then go and poor yourself a shot just to stare at it. That doesn't make any sense!

• The benefits/rewards of nofap come from curving your control over your sexual cravings, NOT simply abstaining from M or O.

Tips and Tricks (That worked for me):


Firstly: keep yourself busy and/or entertained from when you wake up until you go to bed. This is extremely important as it makes the nofap challenge SIGNIFICANTLY easier. I would go as far to say that if you do this, your challenge will be about 5x easier than before. This is especially important for the first few weeks, as they are definitely the hardest.

• STAY BUSY AND/OR ENTERTAINED

I would highly recommend getting a hobby (maybe even a second hobby) if you don't already have one. Plan to hang out with friends a lot to eat up all your free time. Make plans to clean your house/apartment and get things done. Whatever you can do to keep busy is good, there are a a lot of options here. Staying entertained also helps, although not as much as staying busy (but you can do both at the same time for a nice boost too). For obvious reasons, avoid activities where you may be exposed to sexual thoughts. This whole step is open up to interpretation but is very important. Just be smart about it.

• HAVE AN ESCAPE PLAN WHEN YOU GET AN URGE

Needless to say, no matter how busy you are, you will still get urges. A very effecting method that I have found to work for me is to find an inspiring song/video and play it whenever you get an urge. Obviously it doesn't HAVE to be an inspiring video/song, but that's what worked very well for me. I listened to White Flag by Passion. You can try listening to that song, or you can find something you find inspiring yourself. Just make sure you have something that will work to fend off urges when you get them and remember to USE THIS when you get an urge. It won't work if you don't use it.
Lastly:

• Get an accountability partner (optional)

Before I say anything else about this step, I want to preface this one saying this can have mixed results. It may help a lot or a little or not at all. The key to getting this step to work is to get an accountability partner that you can both relate to and get close to. Optimally, getting a close friend to be an accountability partner is amazing as they will be cheering you on, and quite frankly, what they say will affect you a lot more than some random person on the internet. With that said, using nofap.org's forums to find an accountability partner isn't a bad thing by any means. Just keep in mind that without relating and getting close to your accountability partner, you might not be getting great effects from this one.(Still doesn't hurt to try)
With all of these suggestions, combined with being successful with nofap for ~2-3 weeks, the journey gets easy, to the point where you will often forget about fapping as a whole for days at a time eventually.


My thoughts on nofap as a whole:


First off, I want to talk about the "super powers" that others claim to receive from nofap. I have come to believe that these super powers actually come from a boost in self confidence that you gain from participating and being successful in nofap. I personally don't think that this confidence or "super powers" gained from nofap are from the act of abstaining from PMO. It's from a boost in self confidence because you accomplished something. With that said, if you are a person with a good self esteem and self confidence, I wouldn't expect to be getting a huge boost from nofap. (Note that I'm not saying that it can't happen, but in general, this confidence boost will be less in someone with lots of self confidence.)
I personally, do not feel like I have gained any "super powers" from nofap, but I'm ok with that. I never came into nofap with the reason that I wanted to obtain any super powers at all. If you do come into nofap with the sole reason of wanting to gain said "super powers", you might be going in with the wrong mindset (keep in mind I said MIGHT. For some people, this is ok, but in general, I would say this should not be your only reason to start nofap. I'm not saying to not try nofap if this is your only reason either, it's possible it may be more difficult for you than others though, which isn't a bad thing.)
What I have gained is:

1. Peace of Mind
2. Order
3. Happiness (probably as a result of peace of mind)
4. Time
5. Energy
6. Sleep
7. Confidence (yes, I HAVE gained confidence, I don't think I would compare it with a super power though, it was simply a small boost for me)

And these are only the things I observed as a direct correlation with me starting nofap; I'm sure there are more.


Final Thoughts and TL/DR Section


If there was only one thing I could tell everyone about nofap, it's that yes, nofap works, but it works with a CHANGE IN MINDSET, NOT SIMPLY A PREVENTION OF PMO. I would suggest everyone to try it out, if only for a few weeks. Just the extra energy alone was enough to keep me going with nofap. Lastly, don't get discouraged, everyone has their high and low slumps and when you get a few weeks under your belt, it's much easier so keep at it!

 

It's amazing to see all the people that have both read and responded to this post. I'm very glad that I wrote this, and while I have recently relapsed. I'd have to say that I'm not discouraged at all. I still stand by everything that I wrote in this thread and I wish you all the best of luck!

PS: The reason why I relapsed was one of the main reasons I mentioned in my original writing. I was bored and was not occupying all of my time efficiently. If there was any one piece of advice I could give to anyone struggling, it would be to push really hard for 2 weeks, as those are the most difficult times, then please, please, please, make sure that you are spending your time wisely.