How far back does a relapse put you?

Thanks friend for encouraging me.

 

Hello everybody,

Introduction
I am a student of 23 years, I developed a hocd , before that i was really happy in my life; know i don't know who i'am and i don't like life.

Porn problem
I used to eat a lot of porn, i started at the age of 13 when a friend show me some porn videos, at my 20yo i started to go into more and more hard porn, until the day i fell into transwoman porn and it excited me i do not know why while before it was disgusting me,
Yesterday i watch porn zoophile with a man fucking a mare and it excited me and i'am shame of this, am I excited by animals ? I'd like to know who i'am because i do not know who i'am anymore, before this i was a really normal guys who is enjoying life, now i'am anxious and don't trust myself, i even think to commit suicide because i can not do anymore why all this shit excites me.
And the biggest problem is that i can't forgot this all the day i think about this why i was excited and it puts all my life in question,
I would have dreamed ofnever having seen that and being the boy I was

 

I had extreme anxiety and a lack of perspective on who I was after I quit porn. It’s a combination of intense withdrawal symptoms and a huge hole that is left from all of the time you wasted on an addictive substance that doesn’t reflect your natural desires. You escalated into more extreme content which happens to many people. Everybody has their own particular stresses that compulsive porn use has caused them and these happen to be yours. Between day 0 and the 4 month mark it got progressively worse. By the 4 month mark I saw a substantial improvement in my mental health although I couldn’t see it at the time. I was still very far from being psychologically sound though. It’s a long process. You need to change your life dramatically and your biggest obstacle will be yourself. Force socialization, exercise, and overall self improvement. Seek answers and read the stories of those who have changed their lives for the better. As I said before, everybody here has a story of how porn has damaged their lives and those who have improved are those who improved themselves. It’s not easy but it’s simple.

 

I relapsed after 117 days and I feel so so terrible! Feels like my entire efforts have gone down the drain.Any words of advice here ? Should I starting from day 1 or overlook this accident. Mind you I was not watching porn when This happened.

 

You guys are amazing helping us all with success stories. I had just sorta PMO but had no feeling of an orgasm cause I was like “why you doing this” but I was at the point of no return