how do i reboot in a relationship??

First, you don't need to be so detailed in the description of your current fetish. You can just state 'hard core' or 'weird/unusual'.

You're an addict. If you haven't already, I recommend disclosing your addiction to your girlfriend. I don't know your situation, so this has to be decided by you, but this will help with the reboot and establish/save whatever trust she has for you.

There is no biological issue with you. Since you suspect this, you should check out 'your brain on porn' website. It will explain the addiction from a medical view. Not masturbating, looking at porn, fantasizing, or orgasming is not going to kill you or cause deep mental disorders. Even people with severe OCD don't suffer physically from abstaining from their compulsions IF they have healthy and effective coping rituals or distractions and replacements.

Your physical reaction is caused by your brain. It means that your body is craving it, trying every trick in the book to get it, and your mind is playing along by reasoning 'increased anxiousness induced heart beat' means you need your addiction.

Most urgent or 'fits' only last around 20 minutes. You need to develop coping strategies.

Next time, try a distraction. Play a word train game. Pick a word, then using the last letter to start the next word and so on. Make it hard by limiting yourself to words ending with K's L's or P's. This is intended to intensely focus and occupy your mind.

If able, try an intense workout like planking or pullups. Something that you can hold/do for 30 seconds per repetition. Make a cycle or routine. You can even try yoga poses. Intense (safe) stretching does take a lot of mental focus, especially if your trying to keep the burn intensity level.

Use my suggestions until you develop your own. As a recovering addict, you need to read a lot of literature on porn addiction until you're almost an expert on it.

 

Rather than having the mind set that you are willing to try 'over and over again', start with the assumption that you can do it first time, starting now. Things are different and work better if you resolve to succeed, not to try. Every urge you have, get yourself on here. Read the success stories for motivation, read the relapse reports to remind yourself how you would feel after giving up and pmoing. Post helpful replies and aid the other members of the community in their recovery.

As far as the fetish goes, P use leads to escalation of content because P is inherently lacking in something fundamental to good sex: intimacy, feeling loved and feeling desired. Your partner can offer these things and P never can. The fetish will likely fade over time and does not necessarily represent your true identity or desires.

In terms of whether to share the journey with your partner, I would suggest that you do. If you stay together you will want an honest relationship free of guilt and lies. If you break up then you can focus on your recovery and have a truly loving and commited relationship when you are ready.

Best of luck on your nofap journey.

 

First off, way to go recognizing that there's something off in your life and you'd like to change for the better. Recognition and awareness are the first steps towards recovery, and that's what this process really is; recovery!

If you choose to really give this process your 100% commitment and effort then you should know, what you are feeling at the 2 week mark isn't going to disappear at 4 weeks, 6 weeks or possibly the full 90 days. This is a journey that you are undertaking for the benefit it will make to the rest of your life. It is really a tough challenge, especially for those of us who have used PMO as a coping mechanism the majority of our developmental years. Your brain will test you in ways you didn't think possible, give you nonsensical thoughts and run your mind full of circular logic all for one purpose:

To keep you addicted. To stop you from seeing what life could really feel like on the other side of P & M.

Sounds daunting huh?

While it is tough, the rewards are REAL and the changes you make will bring peace, confidence and a new love for your SO. It is so worth the effort man.

If 2 weeks is where your impassable road block is then start small. Don't think of this as a 90 days or bust kind of process. Make your first goal 3 weeks. Push hard through those extra 7 days and feel the pride of accomplishment for doing something you haven't been able to yet. Maybe at 21 days you'll feel empowered to go 4 weeks.

As far as Rebooting in a relationship, you've got some additional challenges ahead. I found that I used PMO as a sort of validation, it gave me the feeling, on some level, that I could have all these women on the screen. When I removed P &M, I was now missing that validation and looked to my SO to fill that void by sharing "This awesome thing I was doing.... FOR US!!!" She didn't respond positively, in fact we went through a couple hard weeks where she was kind of disgusted by me. It was really hard and the temptation to quit was strong. I had to remember though, that I was seeking this change because I WASN'T HAPPY WITH MYSELF. I needed to change for me first, and the benefits for the rest of my life would hopefully follow. And they did. This morning my wife gave me a kiss and a high five on my way out the door with an encouraging "Sunday is 90! I'm so proud of you baby"

You can choose to share this with her right away, after a few weeks of success or not until you are further down the road. When you do, just be ready for her to react in whatever way she needs to. Don't let her interpretation of your PMO journey determine your effort level, commitment and desire to be a better, happier person. Change for you and the rest will follow.

and Smile; You Can Do It!