How did I feel after PMO?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by MASTER MONK, Jun 13, 2019.

  1. MASTER MONK

    MASTER MONK Fapstronaut

    Sometimes in the journey you fail to draw the parallel of how you felt after PMO and how good you're feeling now.
    You start to wonder maybe it wasn't so bad as you think. Maybe you can try to do it again to see how it feels?
    Visit this thread to realise how bad you'll feel afterwards.
    Post how you feel immediately after PMO here

    If you reset to PMO, post how you're feeling right after.
    I will post others experiences too if i find them
     
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2019
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  2. L'empereur

    L'empereur Fapstronaut

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    64 days ago I had sex, which eventually led to masturbating after 9 days. Because I was angry. It didn't feel bad. But just stopped my streak. I was on around 68 days streak which I just had to cut. Actually it felt good to ease a little. To those who think it is not bad to relapse, maybe I was not such a severe addict. Don't masturbate.
     
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2019
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  3. RPN

    RPN Fapstronaut

    After relapsing & resetting, I felt my heart drop because my above average streak of 16.40 days came to a close. Then I started to feel angry at myself & deleted all of the porn I saved onto my PC minutes ago by fiercely clicking my mouse in an aggressive manner. Next, my self-confidence and feelings of freedom vanished & I felt a mild form of depression.

    Lastly, as I am typing this post, I have this emotion inside that can only be explained as "I just want to get as far away from day 0 as possible".
     
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  4. DayOne44

    DayOne44 Fapstronaut

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    This is a great thread, and you start it with some real wisdom.

    If only I would put the awful feelings which come with PMO before the act, then I wouldn't want to do it.

    @MASTER MONK exposes the twisted reasoning I use to allow myself to jump back into PMO:

    That is nothing but false justification to do something which I know will have bad consequences for my well-being.

    The end of PMO is never different.

    No matter how I try to justify my PMO behavior or try to do PMO differently, it's always the same.

    PMO inevitably leaves me in the same bad condition.


    After my last relapse, I thought about how different the PMO experience is in contrast to other good and productive things which I've done online and on the computer.

    When I'm in the porn world, I jump impatiently from one pic to the next; I immediately want a new hit.

    I can't concentrate on a single porn video; I jump ahead to the seconds of a scene and then look for something else.

    I range widely in a single PMO episode to both straight and gay material.

    After this, my head is spinning, and I can't focus.

    I feel empty and depleted.

    Online pornography induces a kind of short-term ADHD.

    My brain becomes scrambled.

    That is an extremely miserable condition for me because my life and work center on using my mind.

    With pornography, I destroy what is most essential.

    That is how I feel after PMO: Destroyed.


    When, however, I read online, write on the computer, or do some other kind of work on my calendar or finances, I feel some sense of accomplishment.

    There is a Buddhist monk whose talks I watch on YouTube, and after every one I feel uplifted.

    The next morning, his words are still going through my mind.

    I even feel better after I watch a good movie on the computer.

    I like old movies.

    In all these kinds of more wholesome things, I am able to sustain my concentration for hours and be truly fulfilled at the end.


    The way I respond to online porn, as I've described, is totally different.

    It ruins me.

    My PMO behavior and what I suffer after it have convinced me that there is something inevitably harmful about all of it.

    As they say, experience is the best teacher.

    When I see the effects of the two kinds of experiences I've described above, I see clearly what is good.
     
  5. MASTER MONK

    MASTER MONK Fapstronaut

    (just to bring it back up)
     
  6. MASTER MONK

    MASTER MONK Fapstronaut

     

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