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How can I last longer?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by JacquesMolay, Jul 16, 2018.

  1. JacquesMolay

    JacquesMolay Fapstronaut

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    During the past few weeks I had some issues in my sexual relations with my SO. It is not always, but I finish before time. I wanted to know if you guys have some tips for me to last longer during sex.

    Should I go check myself up?
     
  2. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    If you want to get checked up, I don't think that would hurt you. However, I think there are things you can do about your condition without medical assistance that might help you. Your situation has a name: it's called Premature Ejaculation (or just PE for short). First and foremost, I should mention that it's not a physiological problem: it's a psychological problem. Lots and lots of men experience it. I've experienced it myself, and it's been (and still is) a long and difficult journey towards dealing with it. However, I can tell you that there is hope, and there are lots of things you can do to help make sex more enjoyable for both you and your partner. Here's my advice. These items have all helped me with Premature Ejaculation over the years, and maybe they'll help you, too!

    • Place a heavier emphasis on foreplay. I started making a point of spending more time than I was accustomed to in the "foreplay" stage of sex. I look for ways that I can satisfy my partner without penetration (that doesn't necessarily mean giving her an orgasm, but just noticing her breathing and other indicators that she's having a good time). Satisfying my partner before I even enter her boosts my confidence in myself and relaxes me. Another benefit of focusing on foreplay is that you will walk away from the bedroom knowing you had an enjoyable, satisfying experience regardless of what happens after you start intercourse.
    • Create a safe space for you to have sex in (both physically and mentally). I talked with my partner about these sorts of things: where do you prefer to have sex? At my place, at your place? When do you like to have sex? On weekends, during the week, at night, in the morning? Is there anything that makes you feel more comfortable during sex? Music, white noise, fresh air, dim lighting, candlelight? Figure out what makes you feel safe and comfortable and then create a space that contains all of that. Try to come up with some sort of a game plan for regular sex. It sounds counter-intuitive, but I really can't recommend it enough. The benefit of doing this is that it allows you to mentally prepare yourself for sex. However, this isn't the sort of mental preparation where you're giving yourself a locker room pep talk (i.e. come on, man, you've got to make sure you please her. Don't finish early like a loser!). It's the kind of mental preparation where you relax and let go of your anxieties and fears. Also, I should clarify that just because you have a "game plan" for regular sex where you feel safe doesn't mean that spontaneous sex is off the table. If anything, it will just make sure that you are having sex in a place that's safe for you at least some of the time.
    • Meditation. You don't need to be religious or spiritual to meditate. Meditation creates a canvas for your thoughts to take place in. I think one of the keys to getting over PE is to just let go and clear your head. That might sound like an impossible thing to actually make yourself do while you're having sex, but meditation is a great way to practice.
    • Don't restrict foreplay to a strictly pre-intercourse activity. If things are getting too intense for you during intercourse, take a breath, pull out, and go back to just touching, caressing, and talking to one another for a little bit. It will help you relax, keep the fun going, and it's definitely not a turn off or anything. It's fun, and it makes it all the more exciting when you go back to intercourse. Go back to less intense sexual activity for a little bit until you've had a chance to calm down and relax. If anything, I would say this has helped me more than anything with PE.
    I hope you find some of that information useful. PE sucks, and I want you to know that you're not alone in experiencing that. It sucks, but you can move through it and recover. If you're working through it with someone you love, it can actually be pretty fun to work through it ;)
     
    JacquesMolay likes this.
  3. JacquesMolay

    JacquesMolay Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot! I knew it had something to do with those sort of things, but it didn't occur to me how to deal with them. Again, Thanks!
     
  4. GoodFeeling

    GoodFeeling Fapstronaut

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    It is interesting how we struggle to deal with such opposite problems since I just want to ejaculate but have never been able to.
     
  5. helpfuldude

    helpfuldude Fapstronaut

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    I'm doing no PM. So if I meet my girlfriend after a week or so, I ejaculate quickly, since all that sexual energy wasn't released. Next day it is much better. It can because of that.

    Also, pelvic floor stretches and reverse kegel exercises can help.
     
    JacquesMolay and GoodFeeling like this.
  6. GoodFeeling

    GoodFeeling Fapstronaut

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    Hey! I will be at 24 days of no PMO and 14 days no MO when we will meet with my gf. I would rather ejaculate quickly because I have never come at all with her. I will keep you posted.
     

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