Honestly does the craving for a gf every subside while single ?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Kman20, May 14, 2019 at 9:55 PM.

  1. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    Ive been so obsessed and lonely since I was a kid. I’ve never even kissed a girl never mind dated and I’m 23 now. I’ve heard so many times that “You need to be happy with yourself, focus on your and someone will come, you find someone when you aren’t looking” and I’ve put these into practice of course. And sometimes the craving does subside and I’m content with my life but it does not last.

    So I’m asking is if everyone here try believes that they can be truly content and happy and complete while single for the rest of their lives ? Maybe it might be just me because of my temperament, I’m very affectionate person so it’s much harder for me.

    But honestly what do you guys think ? I’m not here to judge, I’m feeling half and half at the moment. One part of me believes we could be but it takes an incredible amount of work. My other half beliefs we can still be happy single but that craving for a partner will always be there because it is part of our most basic needs.
     
  2. Cool I Can Use Spaces

    Cool I Can Use Spaces Fapstronaut

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    It's one of those realities of life. There are some things in life that we want but will never have. We can't let that ruin our lives and we of course shouldn't go out and ruin the life of others over it. (For example, murderous incels).

    I'm 51, never married, no girlfriend. It's a disappointment but I do my best to focus on the good I do have. I enjoy traveling and do so often. Not going to let being single stop me from doing that. The desire to have a travel partner will always be there but I'm not going to let it define my life. Life isn't about feeling great 100% of the time.

    I've heard other stories of men going their whole life to the grave without finding a woman to share their life with. They were disappointed but focused on the things in life they enjoyed.
     
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  3. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    Okay, so this kind of shows that even if you are out there enjoying the single life a gf won’t just swoop into your lap. So why bot pursue on the side ? Obviously it doesn’t have to take over your life but looking for a woman while enjoying your life doesn’t sound like it has any faults to it.
     
  4. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    If you want a girlfriend, then work towards having one.

    That means dating.

    That means asking women out on dates.

    That means meeting new people on a regular basis.

    That means gaining experience and making lots of mistakes.

    That means exploring other people and breakups along the way.

    If you haven't done any of those things in a frequent manner, then it's no secret why you aren't in a relationship.

    What were you expecting to happen by not doing any of the above?

    Things don't just magically happen and you shouldn't ignore your desires / problems / dissatisfaction. That sort of approach is just avoiding the things you know you should be doing to have the life that you want.
     
  5. Souvent08

    Souvent08 Fapstronaut

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    I believe the right woman will come. That’s where i am at now at 26. I have dated off an on. The women in my life always came along the way. I didn’t go out and search them. However, with no PMO I hope to go out and look. I feel more confidence and desire to find a woman and not just wait for her to show up.
     
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  6. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    Yes, it's subsiding here. Of course I'm in my 40s and it's involved deep change to my mind and what makes up me.

    I used to be an affectionate, what you would call a romantic person. I'm sure that potential is still there, but when I factor all of what I know about human beings into consideration although my chances are better than it used to be because I'm in better shape now, I'm not sure I want to make the effort or explore that. The thing is a lot of how I used to think is a bit naive, it almost has a feel like those old Outer Limits episodes with the aliens and how they relate to human beings. A lot of social customs just seem kind of boring to me and frankly a bit of a waste of time. Rather than finding "The One" I actually have more interest in creating something which is arguably even more of a long shot: A society made up of people that's more interesting and interested in life in a deeper way, which could be a recovery society too - and out of that context there may be someone.
     
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  7. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    I just want to say I do agree with everything you’re saying above. For the passed couple of years I thought if I just enjoyed my life that I’d meet someone by chance. But Now I know that I do need to make the effort to get out there. I made this thread to help me confirm this belief and to hear other opinions from guys.

    I do not think it is wrong to want a relationship. It’s completely normal. There’s a lot of people that say that you’ll find someone when you aren’t looking but I don’t think this applies to everyone.
     
  8. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    Yes I feel this too. That I should go out and look. Instead of sitting around waiting and hoping. Or even just focusing on myself because I HAVE tried to just focus on my school, work, career etc and it did feel good but the longing for a date never subsided.
     
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  9. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    "you'll find someone when you're not looking / when you're happy being alone"...

    People generally say this because they become lucky with opportunities, but not everyone has as much luck as others. So how do you create more luck? By putting yourself out there more. By trying new things. By exploring new places. Going outside your comfort zone. Doing something you wouldn't normally do. Meeting people on a more frequent basis. Eventually you'll meet people you're interested in. People who aren't so desperate, being a victim, or simply allowing things to happen are able to do this more because they're focused on what they're interested in and enjoying life rather than being hindered by the fact that they aren't in a relationship. You have to make things happen. You do that by increasing your odds.
     
  10. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man. You know I’ve dabbled in asking girls out in public and going to more social meetups and just wondered whether I should actively go out seeking a date or not. I think this helps.

    Ideally though I believe there has to be a balance. If I spend all of my time trying to pursue girls I’d be going against my own self interests and hobbies. No one wants to date someone who doesn’t have their hobbies and investments after all.

    Also at the same time not being so focused on oneself that one starts to yearn a partner to share life with.

    I’ve gotta balance it, and so should every guy here.
     
  11. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Dating and being in a relationship can in itself be an interest. Wanting to gain experience and to share a life with another person.

    There's a difference between needing a specific outcome to happen (and be destroyed when it doesn't) and wanting something to happen (going for what you want).

    It's not wrong or desperate to want something. It's creepy to hide what you want while moving towards it with hidden intentions. It's needy when an undesired outcome destroys your whole emotional / physical / mental / lifestyle well being... but it's not wrong to go for what you want.

    If you want to pursue girls / date / have sex / be in a long term relationship / whatever... then do so.

    I suggest meeting people by doing things you're interested in because that's a good way to meet and screen strangers while exploring an activity that you're curious about and having fun with rather than just rolling the dice on a random person on the streets.
     
  12. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    Start asking girls out. Start with 2 or three per day, they can't all say no.
     
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  13. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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  14. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I’ve dabbled in this but I’m going to do it much more soon. It’s good therapy, especially for guys like us who have only know the fame affection of the screen.

    Also make it a point to never hide intentions again. I’ve done this before and you will never get what you want by hiding it. Be up front and state your desire first. It takes balls to do this but that’s the point.
     
  15. delhiboy

    delhiboy Fapstronaut

    Listen to me carefully,

    Wanting a relationship is ok but being desperate is a disaster for future. But it may not be disaster if you fulfill following conditions-
    1) you are millionaire/billionaire
    2) you are son of billionaire
    3) you have a job which lakhs desire but not able to get.
    4) you have done extraordinary in life in some area.
    5) actor/model.
    6) owner of some industry.
    7) owner of growing startup
    8) driving a mercedes/bmw without without thinking of expenses to maintain it. Changing car every 2nd year.

    If above condition is applicable to you then there is no harm andyou are more or less safe from heart break.

    But
    If you are a regular/average guy you should be more leaned towards making your career, to be financially secure and not thinking desperately about getting into relationship. Desperately demanding relationship at this time is a recipe for disaster. I was exactly like you at your age and have paid heavily for my mistakes.

    If you are normal/average guy the heartbreak may destroy you, breakup may put your years into a waste bin.
    And being an average guy there are lot more chances of heartbreak as you know these girls now a days try to get most better guy interested in them. So be careful brother.

    Need/want of some gf would arise time and again but don't give it too much thought. Just keep yourself happy.
     
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  16. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Don't get into a relationship because it might not work?

    Terrible advice.

    Don't live. You might die.

    Sure. If you want to stay safe. Don't ever try anything and stay in solitude for most of your life.
     
  17. Daniel Forster

    Daniel Forster Fapstronaut

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    I will share what I learned by experience. I'm 24 years old, I had 3 Gf so far and I'm in a relationship at moment.
    -You HAVE to look to a gf (Do you thing that if someone that stays in the beedron all day will find a gf?)
    -A relationship is an exchange, a girl has many things to offer to you and so you have to offer something to her as well
    that's an important concept. Here: A regular girl offers to you: Company, sex, conversations, fun, etc Now you HAVE TO OFFER something to her as well! What do you have to offer? Think about it, do you can take her to a restaurant? Do you have a car and time to go pick up her at college? Do you have a nice body to offer her good sex? You will need to think what you can offer in exchange of what she offer to you, if you can't offer nothing... you won't find a gf, that's how it works.
    -You will need time too, hobbys, you carrer etc you will need to but all of that aside, really, relationships demands a lot of time, you will need to offer most of your time to her just like she offer her time to you
    -An the most important thing: you need to be social, really meet persons, talk, I pesonally dislike this stuff, so when I want to find a girl I go out take a bus to anywhere and in the way try to find a girl to talk, that's my way to avoid being on social events but also creating opportunities to me
     
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  18. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man I appreciate the input. However, I have tried to just to focus on my career and finances and that craving for a relationship still does not complete dissipate in my experience.

    Of course I’ll have heartbreak and rejections but that’s okay because I believe those things are a part of life. I won’t be obsessed with the prospector getting a girlfriend to the point where I am neglecting all other aspects of my life but I don’t think I should not be pursuing. I need to go and try. Be happy but still try.
     
  19. Thilo

    Thilo Fapstronaut

    May I ask how you got your orgasms then? Since in your counter it says No Porn and Masturbation?
     
    Kman20 likes this.
  20. Kman20

    Kman20 Fapstronaut

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    This has only led me to feeling depressed and alone.
     

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