HOCD

@Wilk86
Hey man, I totally get your story. The issues with men is something I’m familiar with, I’ve had a similar upbringing. My dad was a traveling musician for most of my life, and I grew up with all sisters. Pretty much a female dominated upbringing. This exposed me to all of the female aspect of things, I had to watch the romance movies and hear female conversations and there was hardly any type of book that wasn’t a “Nicholas sparks” type. I think my inferiority complex began when I was watching these types of movies and seeing the guy be suave on the girl, winning her over through clever lines and stuff. I remember trying to do the same as a kid with the girls in school (super young, like elementary school) and being confused my it wasn’t working. The other boys were throwing stuff at them and pushing them etc and the girls paid me no mind and focused on the other guys. This made me think that they just had “it” and I was a deluded romantic that had his head in the clouds. That kind of crushed me and made me think that they were somehow better because they always chose them over me. This happened for the rest of my life. Now it’s an unconscious feeling I get.

 

Man this is incredible! It's great to see all this support. I went through extremely rough HOCD for years. I finally got over it after about 5-6 years of hard core struggling. Now I almost never get those thoughts. I mean sometimes they will brush on my mind but I know why I get them so that understanding allows me to completely dismiss them. It's all just taboo/novelty crap.

 

Hey um I am 17 and I believe I have hocd..one day on my b day my friend decided to text me and said he was gonna write a song about me and I smiled hard...( ok this is stupid ) but this triggered the what I hope is hocd...now i had never questioned my sexuality I had always liked girls and now for this to happen to me like this idk what is wrong with me...i have these thoughts about men running threw my head and I hate them they caused me anxiety, depression, even to the point where I wanted to kill my self, then I hit a flatline which I am in right now and the hocd what I hope is hocd is running ramped....is worse than before and I have mentally shit down...i have checked if I respond to gay porn several times in the past and I have not gotten an erection i have just been repulsed and cringed...but how do ik if it's actually a flatline or hocd please help

 

How was those 5-6 years? For me it's either on or off. When it's on I get weird feelings around EVERY guy, no matter how they look and their age. When it's off I don't even remember the on-periods, because I am so sure of my sexuality.

 

Yeah, that's exactly how it is. When I'm fine, it's like I don't remember those periods. It's funny how that works.
The 5-6 years were very lonely. A lot of compulsive questioning followed by PMO, followed by binging on junk food, etc.
There were ups and downs. Many times I was super certain, other times I wasn't. In the end, I had to let go of being "so certain" and just realizing that it's possible for anyone to have these kinds of thoughts especially in today's extremely sexualized/feminized world so it's not like it's genetic or something but rather a matter of false conditioning. Once I let go of the need to be so certain, I let go of the HOCD altogether. Now when the thoughts pop up, I recognize where they're coming from, and let them go with relative ease. I do however have a file in my phone called "In case HOCD thoughts" where I occasionally go into to reground if I have a few too many thoughts. The file contains sayings from Your brain on porn and other sites that help me re-align my thinking.

 

I was "sure of my sexuality" too but that's how HOCD works. It makes you question every little thing about it.

 

So how are u dealing with this I feel like I'm losing the battle I feel like my body is giving in to being gay...when I was a super freak...i cant get it up to random people or girls like i did but the females i do know i can get it up to but then the thought of a naked mean flashes in my head and i go soft and start crying...I really need help and idk what to do any more...

 

Just gotta hold off on porn and jerking it, man. Rewiring is exactly what needs to happen and you just gotta try to stay as neutral as possible. Your chemical levels in your brain are all out of whack because of constant spikes, so you gotta give it time to return to a normal level

 

Ok man thank u guys so much..I dont feel like my self I feel meh and what I hope is hocd is acting up...and it dont help that I'm constantly wondering if I'm in the closet or if its hocd...and the thing that calms me down is telling myself that I have liked girls and I always will I get like 5 min if relief then it comes back stronger

 

Fellas,
I know this struggle is one of the hardest fights you’ve ever encountered, at least it was for me. These thoughts grip you and hardly give you time to breathe. I’m still struggling from these thoughts, but they become less and less potent. I’m between 45-50 days on a reboot and as the days progress, my will to not let thoughts like these hold me becomes greater. Truly. When these thoughts hold you without any sign of letting go, just remember that REWIRING ISNT A QUICK PROCESS. It isn’t going to happen in a day or two and it tests how strong you can be in fighting these. Success stories and other accounts are what help me remember, because these thoughts still come. It can happen, but it takes a while. Stay strong boys.

 

I agree! I'm 250+ days in, and my HOCD feelings have diminished by about 90%. But it took 120+ days for me to really feel like I had started to make serious progress.

 

Stop watching porn and see if you're still gay after some time has passed

 

I need help I accidentally relapsed yesturday playing with myself and now I woke up this morning with no attraction to women or anyone..and these thought feel so real like I like them or something...and I don't these shits make me scared and anxiety pops up alot..i also have been going threw this for along time (like a month) and it feels like I am accepting these thought and THAT FREAKS ME OUT...idk what to do i have always like girls as far as I can Remember..i also was introduced to porn at the age of 12..hotten into some weird shit (face fucking), (3d overwatch sometimes transwoman) and shit like that...i really need help man idk I don't like these thoughts but it feels like I do and I'm in denial...but I have always liked girls I also feared that I was gay for this month and at first I reacted to bad to these thoughts but now I get them and don't feel anything..please help me I'm 17 idk what to do idk who I am anymore

 

Just relax. You’re letting your mind take off and letting it run unchecked with your fears. You cannot be ruled by them. You’re fresh off a relapse where once your brain got what it wanted, it’s gonna try to get it again. If you run back to porn and masturbation to remind yourself that you’re straight, it’s gonna make you take the same avenue to achieve the dopamine. If you don’t respond, it enhances the feelings to drive you to jerk off again. You’re not giving yourself the time to correct these imbalances. You have a brain used to being flooded with dopamine and feeling good all the time, which this is a prime case of too much of a good thing ends up bad for you. It’s not easy. You will have great days and bad days. You will feel so many different emotions and some will scare the shit out of you and others will make you feel king of the world. Verify yourself with facts from your past, if you liked girls and crushed on them, you will again. Because right now you have a crush on your phone. Embrace the fight, it’s going to test you to your mental limits.

 

I am over 100 days no pm but feel like I could relapse in a second. It does scare the shit out of me. Sometimes the HOCD is so fucking there, I want it to stop. You are right in all you said.