HOCD? help

Hi Tim, welcome to the community where you will find many in a similar predicament as the one you have described. Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (HOCD) is a real phenomena and is understandably alarming when it occurs. In spite of this, it does not mean that your sexual orientation has changed. Rather, this occurs when the innate sexual interests you have become boring and/or predictable, ergo, the neurotransmitter that kicks in for desire and motivation is diminished. But why? Basically, because high speed internet porn, over time, results in massive overstimulation of the brain's reward circuitry. Your addiction has brought you to the point where your brain is seeking novelty, even a shock value so you get a bigger kick out of your porn and masturbation sessions. However, it has produced alarm in your because it flies in the face of your sexual orientation as a straight dude. That is understandable so try not to panic. So, what now?

You will find the best (and the permanent) remedy of this dilemma is to embark on the NoFap challenge. I recommend you stop all masturbation, edging etc; porn or other arousing stuff; intimacy with a partner (temporarily). Therefore, the only time you may get an orgasm and cum is if you get wet dreams (not guaranteed). This will allow your brain to recalibrate itself back to your original (factory) settings i.e. a reboot. I wish you well in taking this on.

 

You could have went right into a flatline. It happened to me once at the beginning of a streak. Think of it as a easy couple weeks as far as fighting of urges are concerned. You’re probably sexually exhausted, dude. Try not to think about sex all the time. Sex lasts such a short period of time...the rest of the day consists of so much more...focus on that for a while. You’ll be fine. This takes time.

 

Hi! I have the same problem. Thanks to guys at school that had crushes on me, made want to venture out on the other side of P and hence my addiction got worse. I've always liked girls all my life, never even looked at a guy that way and I can't see myself doing what I watch. It starts small, but it grows on you.

I'm still afraid people will perceive me as gay because of this. Like yourself, I tend to get a weird feeling when a shirtless dude suddenly appears on TV and get this urge of trying to look normal, while nothing is even happening and tend to look extra at women on TV when they come by so everyone knows what's up. The point is that you're not denying you're gay, which is completely something else. You're trying to confirm something that you already know. I tend to care what people think of me anyway and that is bad, because you should just be you.

That was my side, but my point is you shouldn't test yourself for something you already know. Being addicted to PMO could lead to intrusive thoughts and being sexually exhausted. Try to abstain from it and perhaps do some mindfulness or meditation to reconnect with yourself. I hope you will feel better in time.

 

HOCD IS A HUGE MIND GAME. Anything you try to do to get your mind of it, it will come back and bite harder than before. Trust me just let the thoughts run through your mind don’t react to them at all. That is what kills you. And honestly the thing that helps me with my HOCD is that I tell myself “I could be bisexual and what’s wrong with that?” And just go on with your day.

But trust me this doesn’t mean that you are in fact bisexual idk you just accept the fact that you think these thoughts and they go away and they turn from a yell to a whisper.

Anyway you’re not the only one. I go through this too. In fact I’m avoiding my HOCD. But guess how? It’s by fucking masturbating every night for the past 3 nights. And it sucks. Don’t recommend it because it’s just putting me farther down into your rabbit hole. Good luck man. You can over come it!

 

There are other things in life more important than orientation. You're just 24 years old. Try focusing on other aspects of life. College/work/friends. Focus on them.

I dont think you want a guy for sex as much as you want a guy to be friends with and hang out with. You know like some dude gang. Or some big brother in life.

 

Hey! Sorry you’re struggling, I know the feeling of OCD thinking and how disruptive it can be.

Sounds like you had a thought that causes you anxiety that the thought means you must be gay, therefore you start obsessing about the thought and it takes over Like a feedback loop getting stronger and stronger.

This happened to me for years, and it lead me to seek out the type of porn genre that Matched my obsessive thought. This then made the association grow due to the chemical release of an orgasm while watching images and pics of this genre. The stimuli of two things (specific genre of open and orgasm) cemented the connection in my head.

What helped me break this cycle was to visit a qualified therapist and disclose my details. She assured me that I wasn’t who I thought I was. This seemed to break the feedback loop. This along with stopping all PMO, because if I were to relapse and watch this genre again, I’m fairly sure it would restart all the self doubt and the ocd feedback loop would start again.

The worst thing I did, was keep it a secret. I know it’s scary to talk about it because you probably feel broken , and alone, but I can assure you you’re not. And I lived with this growing irrational fear for years leading to immense isolation, depression and anxiety. Only last week did I get any relief from this after being suicidal from my sexual OCD thoughts. Literally the only thing that broke this cycle was being 100% honest with my therapist.

On wednesday I told her about 50% of the truth and I felt a little better but still had all of the “yea, but she doesn’t know X and also I didn’t say Y, so it must still be true.” So on Friday I told her the 100% truth. I gave her my entire history since 13 years old with my experience to this type of porn genre. I told her when I had small episodes of this OCD thinking around it in high school and early adulthood, I told her about my 10 year career of watching porn that influenced the association in my brain and also all of the obsessive feelings and thoughts that consumed me and why that consumed me.

Afterwards, she explained everything very clearly, and told me I’m not unique and not a bad person and everything I thought about myself isn’t true. I cried and had a sense of freedom from it that I never had before. I was no longer defined by these thoughts and I truly believe that this particular sexual attraction was learned then strengthened by the OCD feedback loop, and isn’t my true self.

I never would have believed this unless a doctor with 8 years of schooling, and 20 years of experience told me. (Along with tons of work facing my feelings over the last 3 months and learning a new way to live).

Lastly, breaking this OCD thought cycle, has relieved me (at least for now) of my thoughts of suicide and also my thoughts of wanting to watch this type of porn. I’m more at peace with my thoughts and can see that they don’t define me, they’re just thoughts, and who knows why we have them, but it’s ok.

If you want more info or help please let me know. Hang in there!