HOCD Hell

Hello all,
I hope you take the time to read this because I am struggling lol.

A little background, I have previously been in an anxious panic and obsession about my health in particular cancer. After multiple trips to the GP for reassurance I finally released this. (I felt this was relevant from a mental health point) Now moving on to my current problem:

Since I was around 12 I was watching porn, 100% all straight, up until around 2 years ago where I got bored of this and looked for something different. I would occasionally watch gay porn but it was not exclusively this. And at the time I thought nothing of it. I have currently got a girlfriend who I have been with for 3 years and absolutely adore in every way.

About 6-8 months ago I quit looking at gay porn videos and thought nothing of it, I have always been 100% straight In my opinion since I can remember. I have always liked girls throughout all my childhood and teenage years.
However, after I ended my OCD revolving around my health, the day after I was jet washing my grandparents backyard and all of a sudden got this anxiety attack about when I viewed gay porn and whether it meant something was laid dormant in me.

I have had seriously complications with this at the moment because I find myself constantly analysing in my head and trying to reassure myself. I constantly view porn (don't masturbate to it) to see if I like it. When viewing gay porn I don't get an erection but do feel groin responses. But I feel like I'm punishing myself because I do not want to lose my girlfriend (I have spoke openly about this to her and she's very supportive).

I would just like to conclude on the fact that I really do not have a problem with gay people at all, its just not what I want.
I constantly find myself viewing men seeing if I like it, and getting myself panicked and confused.

Please can someone help me.

Thanks for reading if you got this far.

 

Just to add to this, I used to me secure enough to say if I found a male 'handsome' but never found them sexually attractive. But now I'm so down and depressed I cant think about anything like that and it is starting to effect my sex life which is horrible but surprisingly my girlfriend is very understanding and is brilliant and so calming. I am just so scared that this confusion is gonna make me lose her which would be my worst fear but my brain wont stop analysing