HOCD and porn triggers? But had sex with men?Not straight?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by MALayhee700, May 24, 2018.

bisexual or gay?

  1. Yes

    7 vote(s)
    77.8%
  2. No

    2 vote(s)
    22.2%
  1. MALayhee700

    MALayhee700 Fapstronaut

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    I have a post on my profile if you want to check it out, there's more details. But I have had a long history of enjoying gay porn and have actually had sex with men on several occasions and never was grossed out by it. I am asking if there is a difference between a porn induced trigger or gay porn in your mind.. and then actually having sex with other men? I have done some gay stuff in the past without porn. When I was 6 I kissed another boy just to see what it felt like, didn't have any notion of what porn was. But throughout teenhood I still had a strong sex drive for women, have also had sex with women later in life and enjoyed it. I'm 25 now and found that anything homosexual is sort of rivaling or taking over any attractions towards women. I am convinced porn has had a part in this.
     
  2. btwiseman

    btwiseman Fapstronaut

    The subconscious mind does not know the difference between what it sees in porn and performing sexual acts in reality. Only the conscious mind knows the difference.

    That being said, to know your orientation, the best thing to do is quit porn entirely and let any porn induced feelings subside and make way for the authentic ones to come out.
     
  3. MALayhee700

    MALayhee700 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah but if I had dormant homosexual feelings and wasn't aware about them, then the porn exposure is irrelevant right?
     
  4. btwiseman

    btwiseman Fapstronaut

    If they were there before the porn then yes. Porn would simply magnify and distort those feelings if the mind wanted to act on them.
     
  5. MALayhee700

    MALayhee700 Fapstronaut

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    I just don't know if kissing a boy at that time counts
    I had a 9 year old touch me at a sleep over when I was 11, I pretended to be sleeping and didn't do anything.

    So those two experiences are really the center focus here.
     
  6. btwiseman

    btwiseman Fapstronaut

    It is not the act that makes one gay, but rather the attraction to the same gender. It is more than the equipment, but his face, his chest and other inner features. It is attraction to masculinity. I had experimented when I was 13 where I played with another boy. It was a homosexual act, but I realized I wasn't attracted to masculinity and therefore was not homosexual. Later in life, I would have a natural attraction to transgender, however they express the feminine principle and are not the same in this case.

    If you felt attracted to them naturally for who they were, then yes those are homosexual feelings (attraction to masculinity). That is my understanding of it at least.
     
  7. MALayhee700

    MALayhee700 Fapstronaut

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    There are guys I find attractive.. or if not call them handsome, but western culture is pretty NoHomo. A few of my male friends I had intimate thoughts about.. I don't think porn would have been the issue though in that case, but I had been attracted to more females and that's not deniable.
     
  8. btwiseman

    btwiseman Fapstronaut

    It depends where in the west you are, but yeah, we all have to work through our fears to find happiness. I used to have intimate thoughts with male friends in the past, but this was my mind trying to reenact what happened earlier as I had not yet made the distinction between homosexual acts and attraction.

    It sounds like you have a complex network of feelings to sort out, so at least for the moment I would say you are bisexual. I think once you work your feelings out (without porn) you'll have a better idea.
     
  9. MALayhee700

    MALayhee700 Fapstronaut

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    I guess my only legit erotic fantasy about another man that wasn't pornified ( facials and anything degrading) was with a guy who I am still friends with online since 2014. Its very sensual when I think about him. Most of it is kissing or skin contact.. But I never thought about another guy like that before.
     
  10. btwiseman

    btwiseman Fapstronaut

    Sounds like the mind running with your past experiences in order to get the biggest dopamine hit then. That one guy however may be legit and not pornified. Real intimacy is something that not always cuts straight to sex. That can help you identify what is real and what is just the mind trying to get off.
     
  11. MALayhee700

    MALayhee700 Fapstronaut

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    I think that is a fair assessment. I never grew up in a loving family.. I get along with my mom and step dad, they have issues though. My extended family is worse. I was never taught how to love and that's really something I'm pissed about. I know logically what love is.. It includes an unconditional willingness to sacrifice and stand as equals. You would do anything, involving dying for that person, I have't had that yet.
     
  12. btwiseman

    btwiseman Fapstronaut

    That's it, then. A lot of people were not taught what love is. Once you understand what love is, you'll know what's a real desire and what's not. This takes experience and time, and from my experience it can hurt like no other, but it is worth it. It can lead to total peace and happiness. Sounds like that is your next step.
     
  13. MALayhee700

    MALayhee700 Fapstronaut

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    Been a bit. Anyone have further reasoning to offer before I stop checking the thread?
     
  14. kingpietro

    kingpietro Fapstronaut

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    The only way to find out is to stop watching porn and finding out you're true sexual orientation. I thought i was straight but when i stopped watching porn i notied i also liked boys...

    So i accepted my bisexual orientation.


    Another way to find out if porn is the cause of gay behavior wich porn did you start to look at the first time. if you started to look at straight porn and then started to look at gay porn i would suggest porn changed your sexual taste however if you started gay porn at a verry young age i thinx you are just gay. But like i mentioned only way to find out is to stop watching porn for 90 days
     
  15. moonesque

    moonesque Fapstronaut

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    Before thinking about your sexuality, you mentioned a lot of issues in development surrounding intimacy and love with your family. I’d start there before even going here. In other words, maybe some issues caused the feelings and actions of others.
     
  16. MALayhee700

    MALayhee700 Fapstronaut

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    I will need to get a badge going on then.. It has been hard. Been depressed for over a week and I just keep falling into porn. I feel long term abstinence is the only way to be sure. I actually watched straight porn first.. When I was 11. Digging further back in my memories I know for a fact I liked girls.. But I don't remember any special feelings towards boys. I mean at most, I got protective of my only friend, my neighbor at that time way back in 2000. I got jealous of his cousin hogging him.. But I chalked it up to just wanting to spend time with my friend because I was picked on a lot in school and he was the only boy who accepted me for who I was.

    I did kiss a boy when I was 6. But I don't think that counts. I remember just wondering what it felt like and thought it didn't matter who it was with. I didn't even know what the word homosexual meant. I don't count that because kids are not very smart, we act mainly on impulses and wants as kids, there's no fair balance between rational and emotion.

    I had crushes on girls of course in elementary and middle school. But being the weird one and the one being bullied, I got nothing but avoidance and rejection. I did really cringe things as a kid like write secret poetry about girls in my house and never brought it to school, knowing that eventually some asshole would find it and make my life miserable.
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2018 at 11:33 PM

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