Hiya Everyone! (Introduction and My Story)

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by DarkKnight85, Jul 2, 2018.

  1. DarkKnight85

    DarkKnight85 Fapstronaut

    Hiya everyone. As you can see, I’m new to this place.

    I’m a 20-year-old Christian male who’s had an addiction to masturbation for as long as I can remember. Until the last two years or so I was never really into porn at all; I typically used attractive pictures of celebrities to masturbate, or things like clothing store ads. To be honest, I never really used to think much about it. I didn’t consider myself a porn addict because I never really ventured in that direction, and I always found a way to justify masturbation to myself even though I knew deep down that it goes against my religious beliefs.

    Things began to change when I started letting myself get near porn. I went from completely avoiding it to using non-porn websites to try some of it out (using video searches like Bing). More and more I began to feel like I couldn’t find the things that particularly aroused me without venturing into full-blown porn, and soon I found that just like that, I was visiting those websites 24/7.

    Well, it took a huge toll on my mental health (more on that in a moment). Where I once viewed masturbation as a normal part of my life that was no big deal, due to my ever-increasing depression and anxiety I started to become more and more aware of the dark hole that I was digging myself into. I was distancing myself from the God I desperately needed, I felt like my family didn’t know the real me anymore (I pretty much kept everything to myself), I was wasting my life, I was going against my morals and I felt like complete and total garbage. I’m not kidding when I say that I didn’t even want to look at myself in the mirror anymore just to shave or brush my teeth.

    Concerning the mental health issues- I’ve been dealing with what I’m certain is OCD for the past eight months now. I went through it briefly a few years back, eventually it sort of faded. But since October of last year, it’s come back worse than ever. Each day I’ve spent in depression, fear, and crippling anxiety, and porn/masturbation is a big factor. It’s caused all sorts of doubts, fears and ponMy hope is that by cutting off one of the sources for my depression and insecurity, I can do something to make this better and hopefully improve my mental health.

    But at the end of the day, the real reason I want to quit is because I want to be more. I want to walk with God, I want to be the good person I still know exists in me deep down, and I want to hopefully get married and have a family one day. One of the worst things I can think of is destroying that future with a porn/masturbation addiction.

    But now that that’s all out of the way, some of the better things about me:

    First off, I’m a huge nerd, haha. I’m both a Marvel and DC fan, I love all the superhero stuff (particularly Batman and Deadpool!) I’m also a big horror nut (though admittedly I don’t think this has helped my depression, anxiety, etc) and I enjoy drawing, reading and writing (though I don’t think I have a talent for that last one!) One thing I also like to do is research and read virtually anything that catches my interest, and I love science and technology.

    Not sure how good I’d be at describing my personality, but I can give some personal details: a lot of people tell me I’m funny and have good sense of humor. I’m very empathetic and am not at all judging, I have a deep sense of compassion for people (I’ve always wanted to be someone who could help everyone through their problems, even people I don’t even know at all whatsoever), which unfortunately conflicts with my OCD (if that’s what it is). Concerning music, I love Skillet, Breaking Benjamin, Shinedown, that sort of stuff. And, I’m actually quite goth.

    Deep down, what I want more than anything else in my life is a closer relationship with the Lord and a lasting, loving relationship with a wife. But in order for these things to happen, I need to make permanent changes and put an end to the things that are destroying my life once and for all.

    Well, that’s it, guys. Now that I’ve put a couple of hours into writing this introduction, I hope to join you all in this fight to finally improve my life, my mental health and hopefully my future, as well as my walk with God!

    If there is anything else anyone would like to know about me, feel free to ask!
    i_wanna_get_better1 and drac16 like this.
  2. drac16

    drac16 Fapstronaut

    Cool. Thank you for sharing your story with us (I read the whole thing). I'm a christian, too :). Quitting PMO can help ease your depression and anxiety. I know because I used to suffer from depression (for 14 years). Are you taking any medication for your depression or anxiety? if you are, know that some drugs can have sexual side effects (such as an inability to climax). Please pray for me, if you don't mind. Ask the Lord to help me continue to abstain from PMO. I will pray for you. :)
    DarkKnight85 likes this.
  3. DarkKnight85

    DarkKnight85 Fapstronaut

    First off, hiya! :D It’s great to hear from another Christian! Thanks for reading it all, I only now realized that my post was quite long. XD

    Anyways, I’m glad to hear that quitting it helps with depression and anxiety, because that will be the last obstacle in my life when I’m finally free from PMO. It’s also inspiring to hear it from someone who has a lot more experience with depression/anxiety than I do!

    I’m not currently taking any meds, as I have never been to any therapists and therefore I have never had an official diagnosis. Thanks for the heads up, however.

    Absolutely! I will definitely pray for you! :)
    drac16 likes this.
  4. i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

    Our addiction takes away everything we value about ourselves. It drains us physically, it cripples our conscience, messes with our mind, and strips us of our spirituality. How can we worship God when we are doing things that he hates so much. We stop showing love to others because we don't even love ourselves. You mention how you wish to walk with God... that reminds me of a scripture at Micah 6:8 - "And what is Jehovah requiring of you?.... to walk in modesty with your God!" (NWT) It feels good when we are clean for a few days but when we relapse it crushes us! I hope you find the support, information, and support you need to make a full recovery.
    DarkKnight85 likes this.

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