Hitting bottom, sugar babbies, escorts/financial ruin

Beginning 3-4 months ago my sex/love addiction escalated to using "sugardating" websites to get validation from women.

At first I only went on dates and paid for dinner or activities, what I normally do on a healthy date anyway. I would lie and create a persona for these girls that I was a wealthy IT professional.

I met 5 of these sugar girls, and had sex with 3. It left me unsatisfied because I knew it was counterfeit affection. The fifth one made it clear that before we had sex I had to wire her a large sum of money, I had already spent a huge amount on food and drinks and the hotel suite we were in.

During this time I felt no hesitation, no conflict. I knew that I would regret it but could not feel it.

I spent an equivalent of 2 months total income. I woke up the next day feeling empty and depressed, but that's didn't last long when I realized I needed to increase my income or carry a credit card balance. I took a second job, worked 80 hours for three weeks before quitting the second job because I was so exhausted.

Sometime during this period I used a phone sex line which I have used before, and in the moment I asked the operator to say she loves me. I had vocally said to her that my sexual fantasy revolves around feeling loved. I hung up and cried.

I believe SAA would be helpful, but feel very inhibited to go.