1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Hit 31 days and ALMOST threw it away just now...

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Fighter84, Jun 18, 2017.

  1. Fighter84

    Fighter84 Fapstronaut

    99
    216
    43
    it's tough going through life without good solid friends. I've made a lot of mistakes and they haunt me. Whereas past groups of friends stayed together through the years, i did something to ruin my dynamic in each on until I ran out of groups. Everyday I'm starting from scratch and it hurts. P is my escape. It's been my release valve for excess pressure, it numbs me out, it oddly feels like an "achievement", as if I was productive in a weird way by using it.

    Posting here because I feel like the root of this all is that I'm lonely and I feel like I have this wound that everyone can detect. And that that wound everyone can detect is what prohibits me from being "normal" like everyone else. It's as if people know I don't respect myself or know that I don't have confidence in my own integrity.

    This whole process is just painful and I'm really bitter right now. I enviously see others on here who can treat this kind of like a game, to me it's the first layer on top of numerous other layers I need to sift through and make sense of. Perhaps I'm over complicating, but fuck if it doesn't feel accurate. To whoever reads this, thanks for letting me rant.

    Peace
     
    Mixtec likes this.
  2. Mixtec

    Mixtec Fapstronaut

    147
    148
    43
    I understand you. I am 26 years old and turning 27 next month. I own my own home, cars, and have a stable job that provides a steady income. Thats all great and dandy but all my relationships have been so dysfunctional with men and women. I don't have any friends. All the women I once "loved" and "cared for" are now getting married, are married, or in happy relationships. I resorted to porn as an escape to get away from loneliness and rejection. I never wanted to talk things through because fapping and feeling good temporarily was easier than facing the root of my failing relationships. This addiction drove me into the worst depression I've ever felt in my life to the point maybe I wouldn't have cared if I didn't wake up. But today I now understand my addiction to porn caused me this pain. Today is my 27th PMO free day and I can finally say to you in true honesty that everything is much clearer. My life, my goals, and my future seem to be more achievable. I now know that if I want friends and a woman to love...I must get out and find them/find her.

    Anyways please find a support group if you can. It'll make this journey easier
     
    Fighter84 likes this.
  3. Fighter84

    Fighter84 Fapstronaut

    99
    216
    43
    Good call on the support group. Im realizing right now that I definitely need that in my life to continue forward. Thanks for posting.
     
    Mixtec likes this.
  4. Hello, Mixtec and Fighter84, though I'm older than you, I can relate to you. We've made mistakes that cannot be repaired. I can't now go to one of the many women whose life I ruined and tell her 'I'm sorry', as she most probably has a husband and kids. It would be selfish of me to think about being forgiven. First of all, real forgiveness is not about words. It is about repairing the harm we did in the past. But some mistakes simply cannot be repaired, not because we don't want to, but because we can't go back in time. We have to move on.

    We don't know if we can start from scratch. But we can try to.
     
    Mixtec likes this.
  5. Mixtec

    Mixtec Fapstronaut

    147
    148
    43
    Love the way you wrote that!
     
  6. Fighter84

    Fighter84 Fapstronaut

    99
    216
    43
    Appreciate the book recommendations!
     
  7. Kajz

    Kajz Fapstronaut

    40
    59
    18
    Do not put a limit on your streak. Always remember you are a better person each day whenever you abstain from PMO. Do not lose heart brother. You are doing so well!!! There is more to life than PMO. Let us live again!

    Praying for you, brother.
     
    Fighter84 likes this.
  8. Fighter84

    Fighter84 Fapstronaut

    99
    216
    43
    Yo thanks - I'm home alone right now. Still going. It's pretty crazy, I'm on day 34 or so, the longest streak ever in I don't even want to say how long.

    I feel like I'm just white knuckling it. Don't really have anyone to reach out to to talk about it with. Going to stay strong and play a little guitar. Thanks again to all who posted for your positive energy and good tips.
     
  9. Kajz

    Kajz Fapstronaut

    40
    59
    18
    If you need someone to talk to, message me. It is not worth it to throw everything away, brother. You are doing good! Keep up the fight!
     

Share This Page