Hidden cameras?

Hell yes

It is so fucking freeing to start breaking those chains holding you down.

Self-love is an amazing thing; you're on the right track

 

I agree to an extent. You have someone who has a predisposition to the voyeuristic perversion and is a PA. The 2 a separate but co-exist. If you take away the PA, there will still be the desire for voyeurism. On the other hand, you have someone who is a PA but cannot no achieves that dopamine craving with more 'standard' content, and requires more extreme measures. The path they take will depend on some innate characteristics. I never went to voyeurism, because my predisposition was something else when my addiction required higher and more extreme dosages. Nonetheless, the tendency is fueled solely by the addiction rather than being encouraged by it. You take away the addiction, it's fuel, the voyeurism/other-extreme-craving should also go.

 

My husband has hidden cameras in our light switches.
It's a fucking disorder.
End of discussion.

 

Yes, that does sound like a serious condition, rather than a passing fancy. However, and I'm just throwing this out there, feel free to disagree; is it possible that voyeurism isn't automatically the same for all people?

A lot of people look at gay porn. Some of those people do it because they are gay. But some people who look at gay porn are not gay, they've just found themselves gradually drawn to gay porn, perhaps through a gradual transition via transexual porn. And people in that second group might lose interest in gay porn if the just stopped looking at any porn for long enough to sort out what they're really attracted to. Whereas the people who are gay are probably going to remain gay, whether they look at porn or not.

So, is it possible that the OP, who after all hadn't actually set up any cameras yet but only thought about it, might not be in the same boat as your husband? Maybe stopping PMO would, in fact, allow his voyeuristic fantasies to recede, without necessarily needing therapy. But whether or not he needs therapy does not imply anything about your husband, because they are two completely different people and the only thing they share, for the moment, is an interest in hidden cameras.
Just a thought.

 

That interest for hidden cameras starts somewhere. To blame it on an addiction that's not recognized in the DSM is ignorant & destructive.
Any interest in an illegal fetish is cause for extreme concern, even more so in a sex addict.
Do you suppose my husband just had an interest in hidden camera's before he acted on that interest? Of course he did. He should have gone to therapy the second he had those thoughts. Instead, he blamed these thoughts on porn.

Look where it got him, us, our children....

This constant narrative sex addicts tell each other that you are having those destructive thoughts & actions because bro, your dopamine needs a hit; no biggie. Totes normal to have an interest in voyeurism. Just blame your addiction for thoughts that have a huge possibility to become real because addicts don't really have moral compasses if they're not fully invested in recovery.

Yes. OP needs to get his ass in therapy before some girl ends up like me.

Seriously. End of discussion for me.

 

Yes.
I give.
Carry on with your peeping Tom thoughts.
Those should fade with 90 day monk mode.
******BIGGEST EYE ROLL EVER********

 

I do so love to learn new things. Here's something I found interesting:

Voyeurism is a distinct category of behavior that characterizes certain sex addicts. And although most people who identify as sex addicts have more than one type of behavior, research by Patrick Carnes and others found that there were 10 distinguishable types or clusters of addictive behavior of which voyeurism was one.
[Source: Linda Hatch, PhD - https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex-addiction/2014/08/voyeurism-what-it-is-and-what-it-isnt/]​

So, I guess maybe you should contact Dr. Carnes and let him know how wrong he is. Or maybe just an eye-roll would do it.

I also found the clinical definition of Voyeuristic Disorder (DSM-5 302.82). Sure enough, it is a disorder. However, there is a distinction between Voyeurism (desire to spy on unsuspecting and nonconsenting people during their private activities) and Voyeuristic Disorder, which requires acting on those desires on at least three separate occasions. "Not everyone who has voyeuristic tendencies suffers from Voyeuristic Disorder." [Source: https://www.theravive.com/therapedia/voyeuristic-disorder-dsm--5-302.82-(f65.3)] So, when you say that "Voyeurism ... IS a "Disorder", you are, in fact, wrong.

According to the OP's description of his problem, what he suffers from are voyeuristic tendencies, not voyeuristic disorder. That's because he has only had fantasies and impulses, but has not yet acted on those impulses. While he is welcome to find a therapist if he thinks it will help, I feel it is worth pointing out that if he lives in the US, his visits will not be covered by his insurance, because he does not have a disorder.
Alternately, he could reboot (stop looking at voyeuristic porn and stop masturbating to voyeuristic fantasies - or just go totally PM-free) for 90 days, and then see if he's still worried about acting out on voyeuristic impulses. If not, then he does not need therapy. At least, not for voyeuristic disorder.

Whether you respond to this or just roll your eyes is entirely up to you. But you didn't seriously think your last post was going to end the discussion, did you?

 

I do not believe that being a victim of something makes you an expert on the underlying condition. I think the person who posted this:

is in a very different situation than the average victim of voyeurism. I think her understanding of the disorder has a lot more to do with being a SO than being a victim (of course she is free to correct me on this, but she may have moved on to more productive threads and will instead just roll her eyes at me, which I am totally cool with).

I agree that I am not in the same category of voyeurism as the cameras-in-light-switches person mentioned above. I still can't get my head around why you'd want to secretly film someone with whom you're already in a sexual relationship, so clearly he is in a different place than me, at least as far as voyeurism is concerned. And since that person has apparently been diagnosed with Voyeuristic Disorder, I would never argue that he does not have a disorder, nor offer an opinion on his treatment - I'm sure he's doing what's right for him in his situation.
However, I do think I'm in the same category of voyeurism as the OP, @Musicmaster. We've both had fantasies about voyeurism, and looked at voyeuristic porn. But neither of us has acted on our fantasies by viewing or filming someone in real life. So I feel qualified to talk about whether he has an addiction as opposed to a disorder. I suspect we are both like people who've gotten obsessed with gay porn even though they are not gay - get off the porn, and the obsession will likely recede.

 

@GhostWriter, after reading your recent posts on another thread, have realized that you do, in fact, have more important things to do than quibble about definitions. I therefore encourage you to ignore my previous posts on this thread, and look forward to discussing something of more significance at some point in the future.

[edit]
So close! But apparently you are also addicted to having the last word. Still, mad respect for what you do on other threads. Peace.

 

Mic drop.

You are amazing, ghost.

Thank you for validating me. You kicked ass, my friend. I owe you

 

Really? You found that validating? Don't get me wrong, being validated is cool, so I'm happy for you. But I genuinely don't understand why this turned into an argument. (I mean, other than me intentionally picking a fight with @GhostWriter because he's well-read and, in my limited experience thus far, good at arguing. Only apparently he left the building, so maybe I hit him too hard.) But at no point (at least, no point in the past 48 hours) have I said anything to invalidate you.

I don't think @Musicmaster or I are in the same situation as your husband, what with never having taken the crucial step of committing a voyeuristic act IRL, which is what the professionals say is required to have the disorder. So I don't think he necessarily needs therapy, if he can just quit looking at that kind of P and M-ing to that kind of fantasy. How the hell is that a controversial position?

 

You wouldn't. You lack empathy and rational thinking because, ADDICTION.

Or, disorder.

You are like an alcoholic that thinks as long as they don't get in a car & drive drunk, they aren't that bad.

Some wise, unsolicited advice: do not ever try and analyze a trauma victim or tell a trauma victim why they might feel the way they do. My friend ghost validated me, by telling you the same thing. Yet, here we are. You arguing about why everyone is arguing.

Adulting is hard; I get it

 

I don't think that's what I meant, but I guess that's my fault for saying it wrong. I don't claim to understand anything about you, other than why you know about voyeurism (because you told me, in this thread). I would never try to analyze anyone's feelings - that's not my area, and anyway, I don't know you at all. I only know what you told me.

In any case, sorry for the misunderstanding, and for any offense I may have caused at any point in the thread.

And yes, adulting is hard.

 

I’m so very sorry about your issues that is going on in your life, in your marriage, and your mother.

But I will admit that since I have started my NoFap journey, my voyeuristic fetish did actually start to dissappaear and I started forgetting all about it, untill I seen this thread. Not everyone, but I think some people that have voyeuristic fetishes can be cured through a reboot. Now of course it is totally possible that some people take it way too far and reboot cannot cure them.

 

I hope that is true & 10 years from now you haven't had a second thought about it.

 

Cameras in the light switches huh?
Interesting....
Well...
If you want to know EXACTLY how those work...(if you don't already)
As someone who knows a bit about security...and tech...
Send me a PM.
I hope you got the kids out (but I know you are smart and probably already did)
Take care Cake.
-Kenzi

 

Always 10 steps ahead
Kids & mom are home & safe....
Our hearts will definitely need some mending.
I cannot believe I was so naive.
I won't hesitate to reach out to you; watching you & your strength has helped me make some tough decisions.

Thx Kenzi

 

Yes, this is a fantasy built on layers of novelty. You are bored with the regular content that porn has offered. You've discovered a place where any pleasure you want or anything you want to see is possible with a quick search. It's the instant gratification that leads you to these things. I admit, I have a thing for hidden cameras and such. It's because I'm bored of regular sexual acts and the repetitive predictable nature of online porn. NoFap is going to show you how exciting the real worlds sexual possibilities are. Sex wth a woman will be just as exciting if not more exciting than hooking up a camera to spy on people and touch yourself sitting in front of a screen.

 

Hmmmmmm.
Well, let me tell you a story.
My husband 1) was a porn addict 2) set up a hidden camera in our bathroom to record/livestream? me taking baths/showers 3) we were having sex this entire time; not much, but we weren't celibate.

Either I'm super lousy in bed (I could find a guy or 2 to disagree) OR real life sex just doesn't cut it for him because he has a psychosexual disorder known as voyeurism.

NoFap is not a magic wand & real sex doesn't make fetishes disappear. I think being on here is a great start, but for the love of God, don't blame porn boredom on an esculation into really detrimental territory.

It will come back to haunt you unless you figure out why you ventured towards those fantasies.

 

Ok. I'm not sure what causes voyeurism in all cases. I'm putting forth a possible explanation to a complete stranger in hopes that they will identify with my take on the situation. There are many reasons why we do what we do but, pornography, novelty and fetishes definitely have strong links to each other. I couldn't tell you why your husband was into voyeurism, perhaps he was all over the pornography as well. Or, it developed from some other phycological, social, environmental cause.
Pornography is not the sole root cause for sexual dysfunctions but, it can and does in many cases play a large role. Even if the fetish did not stem from pornography, it is enabling in it's ability to temporarily satiate that urge. However - like all pleasure pathways - the dopaminergic pathways and reward centres of the brain become less responsive due to the excessive over stimulation and an addiction style cycle is formed.