Hi, I'm new and need help!

Hello to everyone.
I'm an addict like others in here. I need a serious help. To be honest I discovered this whem I was 12 years old. Now I'm 16 and it's kinda chained itself spread every place in my life. I feel very very depressed and I can't focus on my classes, I can't study perfectly. I always feel very guilty. It makes me very anxious I can't have fun, I can't do the things that will make me feel good. An example I always think about what will my family think if I go to the city center and have a good time. I'm locked, I'm not in prison in physical, but I can't open my mind and feel free. I have associality problem and can't stop PMO. I can't stop it it's like a bad dream but it's not a dream it's real and destroying my mind. I want to win the medical university that I always dream. But I really have very unnecessary things in my life. I can't adapt on lessons that will bring me my dream. I hate myself beacuse of these things and when I apply PMO these things are increasing horribly. I still can take breath. But I don't know how much breath I can take anymore.
I'm living in a place that so far to city center, there aren't many thing to do in here.
I hope I will be answered and I'm open to good advices and ideas. I really want to burn this lifestyle and create a new one.

 

Okey I will start a journal and save the progress day by day. And about educating myself about addiction I will learn as much as I can. Thank you for your good advices.

 

I got no motivation, no energy, no life, no mind. I became worst today. I started to watch r.ping scenes and I had a terrible headache. I felt like my brain is exploding. I can't understand why and how did I drawned into this ? Why I can't live, feel fresh, why I can't move from this position ? I'm stucked in right here, in this small room and I can't even close my eyes cause photos and scenes are showing theirselves. What should I do ? Must I suicide ? Must I chop my genital place ? Shin Lu: I'm appreciated for these photos, but I can't believe in myself. Don't get me wrong. This became more difficult for me I can't handle it everyday it pushes me to hate living, I don't want to wake up cause everyday is as same as yesterday. An example I was bad yesterday and I couldn't study physics. There are 66 tests waiting for me and I can't even stay calm. This is really just a little example. This thing caused more big problems.