Hi, hope this will help to beat the addiction

Hi.
I'm 34 and i have been struggling with porn addiction for 15 years now. I hope this time i can beat it for sure.

Going first for 90 days.

 

Thanks Chelonien.

Im sure its not to late, but i knoew it will be hard and it will take quite some time to beat this.

 

Thanks i will read it all.

I think i shuld share my story with u all.


First i want to tell u about my illness, they contributed a lot to my porn addiction and ed.

When i was 28 i got diagnosis of kidney failure, and in one year i had to start dialysis. After 5 years of this exhausting shit of life i got lucky and i got a new kidney. After 6 months of good life (better energy, sex drive, positive thinking) i got from the medications for my transplanted organ a new disease. Now i can't walk without help, i'm stuck at home and almost with everything i need help.

Back to may porn addiction. I started watching porn at the age of 15. I pmo once a week until i was 17 and we got fast internet. Then i started pmo 2-3 times a day. i had no interest in girls till i was 20, then i got ,my first girlfriend. My girl was going to collage in a different city than me, so we saw each other only weekends. I was so addicted to porn so i PMO -ed only on mondays so when she came back fridays we could have sex again. But the sex was never so satisfying as fapping with porn. So she broke up.
I continued to PMO 2-3 times a day for two years and then i meet another girl. I new PMO was a big problem so i quit for 1 year and the relationship was very good but the sex never became really satisfying.
Then i got sick!
Everything turned around. I got depressed turning away from social life away from my girlfriend and went back to the most satisfying thing i known PORN.
I PMO for 4 years constantly and i got ED. I could not get it up for 1 year with nothing (even viagra).... My girlfriend left me after we had no sex for 3 years! She was an angel getting with me thru this illness, i still love her.
Then i got my new kidney and i started thinking positive and i wanted to quit porn for ever. I even met a beautiful girl and we had sex for 3 months with the help of viagra.It was the best sex ever for me. And then my legs failed me... After one year after almost no pmo it still did not get better i can have sex only with viagra, but it doesn't work every time. once i lasted for 90 days on hard mode. Now during this Christmas holiday i got a strange libido after the best sex in my life. And after it i couldn't stop watching porn. First without M, then with M, but now 3 weeks ago i PMO again and i did it for 2 weeks daily. Now i can't have sex even with viagra again. So now its time to get rid of this addiction or i will never get a real good relationship and i will die alone.
Yesturday i even broke up with my girlfren, we had no future tigether, we were just wasing time for eachother.
Now i will go on hard mode for as long as posible.

I didn't write now about my social anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, my fear of getting homeless,... Thats a big issue too.

I hope with your help i can get better… I try to think positive.

 

I know this isn't to be easy i'm fighting with this addiction for over one year intensive now. Now i turning to this community to seek for more advice. A had a bad backstep over the holidays, and i see i can't do this alone.

Thank for the links.

Maybe later i tell u guys all my story. I'm also wery sick, i had kidneys failure 6 years ago and since the last year i cant walk without help. Im strugling with many thinks this days.
But i must stay strong and not give in.