Hey so... I want to stop masturbating... For ever.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Nanuk, Dec 8, 2018 at 3:39 PM.

  1. Nanuk

    Nanuk Fapstronaut

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    Yup... Today was the day I needed to create an account.

    I've always had my worst days, my worst weeks, my worst months... I'm not perfect. I'm here to fix my life, and as a Christian, to find the path to salvation. I'm a 22 year old guy, who finds a lot of things interesting in life, but I want to have a couples relationship with a girl so much, that I often spend time just daydreaming about it, instead of dedicating my time to all the hobbies I have. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the typical kind of guy that's never been in a relationship and is depressed because of that, rather, I've been through some tough times with girls, and I'm desperately looking for the right one. I want someone to tell me that they love me (other than my parents, who I am very grateful for), someone to take care of, and to wake up and have her on my mind to get me through the day... Yeah, I may watch too much anime, and I may have the perfect relationship standards too high after that, but... Are there really no genuine relationships out there?

    Okay, let's get to the core of my problem. My problem is the world, society as a whole. Or is it? No, I don't normally have suicidal thoughts, and if I have them, they're usually gone after laughing them out. I am well aware of the harm I would cause by killing myself to the people that love me and care about me, and I really don't think it's a good solution (and of course, God condemns that too), but I do have a lot going on in my mind, and even though I've never had social anxiety, I find it harder and harder to communicate with peopel nowadays. Finding a girlfriend in a society where things like feminism, lesbianism, LGTBQ+, abortions, etc. are okay and thought to be normal and natural, is not healthy for a Christian. I'm not the type of Christian guy that goes to church and whatnot, rather, I study the Bible, and I study Theology, with the help of a few mentors and my parents. I don't have doubts about my faith, but boy do I have doubts about myself...

    I masturbate, almost on a daily basis. I can go for 2 or 3 days without it if I'm not at home that often. If I recall correctly, the longest I've gone without masturbating has been recently, an 18 day streak, as my attempt to accomplish NoFapNovember. After those 18 days, I just couldn't hold myself. The pressure was accumulating and to be honest, I wasn't even sure if it was healthy (even after spending days on YouTube videos that talk about the good things of abstaining from masturbation). Fun fact, I don't watch porn that often. I've had my years without porn, then maybe a couple of days with porn, then I convince myself to stop, then I went back again... I don't know if it's 100% my fault, or is it because my friends and social media talk about porn like it's nothing (yeah, I don't have any Christian friends, and I live in Spain) so I sometimes get too carried away. What I do know, is that I want to stop. I don't want to look at a girl and think of her as something purely sexual (I do want to still find girls attractive, but I want to dive deeper into their personalities, their lifestyle,their soul...).

    I have a lot of friends, but no Christian friends. I've never had any problems to be honest, except when I was younger, I was a fat guy (and I kind of still am, even though two years ago I was really skinny, since after a horrible breakup, I started eating like a pig again), and a few timeswhere life was hard (like in anyone's life). Do you see the problem? Everything I have in life is pretty darn good, but I let that one thing make my life miserable... Sex and relationships.

    Every gril I talk to ends up having weird desires. The last one, who I'm talking to almost on a daily basis, just doesn't stop talking about sex with me. One day she tells me that she masturbated too much, the next she talks about a guy she likes... I understand maybe I'm an easy guy to talk to, but come on... Friends of the opposite sex usually control themselves, right? I guess not, and she's not the first one. I'm not sure if this girl likes me, or if she just wants someone to listen to her... What I do know is that I'm burning inside, and I hate it.

    1 Corinthians 7:9 King James Version (KJV)
    9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

    Right? No... Getting married in 2018 (almost 2019)? Yeah that seems like a big no-no... Let's be clear, I do not believe that sex is something to be stored until marriage, and I find formal relationships to be just as important as marriage. The whole big church ceremony is a catholic festivity to raise money, and I'm sick of things like that. If you love your girlfriend, and you've stablished all the necessary basis before having sex, then why wouldn't you be able to do it? Then you get awful abominations like those damn catholic church "pastors" who end up being with kids... They don't deserve to say anything at all about live, and they should have their genitals cut out.

    If you marry someone just because you want sex, you're going to burn even harder. Marry the girl after having developped a good, healthy relationship. Marrying someone is a huge step, so you need to be prepared for it. But what if that girl isn't a Christian, what do I do then?

    1 Corinthians 7 King James Version (KJV)

    12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
    13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

    So even if they don't believe in God, there's always a way... Or is there? What sould I do God...?

    Here I am, right after masturbating and looking at porn. I wanted to look for a specific thing, and I ended up bulging a lot of things. Ugh that insane amount of dopamine that builds up when searching for something you want... I hate social media, I hate the internet, but you know what? I know that ultimately, it's my fault. I'm the one who needs to learn how to control myself. If a man gets into a car accident, it's usually his or the other's fault, not the car's. This is the same. If I can't control my urges, I'll find sexual estimulation everywhere I go, even where I shouldn't even be able to.

    I'm scared... I really am. I don't want to dissapoint God, my family, my closest friends... I want to earn my right to go back to Heaven, but I feel like I'm getting further away each time I do these things. Is masturbation a sin? How to find a Christian girlfriend? That's my In-Private YouTube sessions when I really don't know what to do, when I need to listen to someone talk about these things...

    I'm scared to have children in the future (if God blesses me with the opportunity), and that I won't be able to talk to them about sex without feeling horrible about myself. I don't want to look at my future daughter as something other than my daughter, nor look at other woman other than my spouse... I can't stop seeing over sexuallized woman, even underaged woman in television shows and in some animes (which I fortunately always avoid). I don't want to stop enjoying things I like because of things liek these. Because everywhere I go, I find sexual connotations. It's the world we live in right now, and I feel very lonely...

    What can I do God? I always ask Him the same question, and I know He's there to help, but I just keep tripping over the same stone over and over again... It's like a drug (fortunately I've never even tried drugs, but I do have friends, and I do know the effects they have on people), and when your body has been trained to feel pleasure from something over the course of so many years, there's no way you're going to stop that easily.

    Is anyone there? Porter Robinson refference. Yeah... I'm a weird guy. I'm not the typical kind of Christian. I'm a really easy guy to talk to, about literaly anything. Maybe too easy... I get emotionally involved, I find myself helping others a lot, but I never really help myself...

    Members of the NoFap comunity: could you help a fellow human out? We're all humans, and we carry a lot of burdens... If the internet has anything good in it, it's the possibility to communicate with others. Here I am, from me to you, help me out... Please... It hurts...
     
    Newgirl, MusicMan123 and Hros like this.
  2. Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to the site. I'm not at all Christian but I agree with your thoughts. Whenever I venture out of my religious social circles, I end up meeting people that share with me things that are really best kept private.
    Best of luck to you!
     
  3. MusicMan123

    MusicMan123 Fapstronaut

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  4. Nanuk

    Nanuk Fapstronaut

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    Sure! Thanks for the feedback!
     
  5. Nanuk

    Nanuk Fapstronaut

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    Yeah... Living in society sure makes us carry even heavier burdens when we also want to live a spiritual-enriched life...
     
  6. ClaritySeeker

    ClaritySeeker Fapstronaut

    If you don't want to masturbate ever again, you think it's a sin, you can't help your urges, and you don't want to interact with women...why don't you have your testicles removed? That'll fix the problem

    Why is masturbation a sin when even young children do it? Are innocent children sinners?

    Maybe you should seek another Christian woman. I'm not sure why you're seeking out lesbians. Why are you even friends with non-Christians if you have these kind of views? Yes, society has problems, but views like these are even worse in my point of view. Yes, these things are natural, you just have to accept it, doesn't mean you have to associate with it.

    Sorry, was bored and came across your writings, and it just boggles my mind that people still have views like yours.
     
  7. Nanuk

    Nanuk Fapstronaut

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    The problem with masturbating as a young adult, is that we are well aware of the sinfulness of our thoughts. It is not comparable to what a kid may think about when he is young, since he hasn't gained enough knowledge to really understand what's going on.

    I think you're missing my point. I want to interact with woman, and it's a necessity for my soul for her to be Christian, but nowadays that's not something you see that often (that's why I was talking about lesbians etc. which is something very frequent in my generation and in the current times). I don't really get to choose who I become friends with if I've been friends with them for years. And I really have no problem in being friends with non-christians other than not being able to share my deepest thoughts. It's a struggle I choose to live with, and I would never see myself without it.

    The problem at hand is pretty diffeent, and removing my testicles would be the same solution as removing someone's lungs for smoking. I want to fix the problem, not cause another one. Discipline is the right choice.
     
    MusicMan123 likes this.
  8. ClaritySeeker

    ClaritySeeker Fapstronaut

    Thanks for responding in a very civil way.
    Why do our thoughts have to be sinful when we M?
    Why not make Christian friends instead or in addition to the friends you have?
     
  9. Nanuk

    Nanuk Fapstronaut

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    They don't have to be sinful, but they tend to be. At least in my case, I end up getting carried away. When I get the urge to masturbate, rarely can I do it without thinking about certain things.

    Believe me, I've tried. I've been trying to find Christian friends for years now. I don't know if it's because of where I live, if it's because I'm not looking in the right places... It just won't happen. I am not the type of Christian that goes to church, or that is in a "christian community" of any sort. And when I do find myself looking for these places, they don't usually share my beliefs. What are my beliefs, you might ask? I'm not your stereotypical type of Christian. I study theology, and I base all my faith in both scientific evidence and the Bible. I don't believe in the existence of one without the other (ultimately being God the creator of all). If I go and tell a Catholic what I think about their "virgins", I may end up making enemies instead of friends. It's complex...

    And no problem! Thank you for being straightforward and for commenting.
     
  10. Quotes for you:
    "Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith?"
    "Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up."
    "Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up."

    I've met people like you. I used to be somewhat like you and I live in the same society as you.
    My advice? Go to a church, take a sit there in front of God. Pray, be silent, whatever, but look at Him. Notice Him.
    He's standing right in front of you, but you're looking the other way.
    A wise priest said that God sometimes sends this kind of addiction to show how weak we are. To teach us humility. And, man, He taught it to me the hard way.

    I have a wife. We're dreaming of a child. I'm a martial arts (sort-of-)specialist and a musician. I'm a scholar. I'm becoming stronger every day. I've become what I am because I've discovered that PMO wasn't my problem.

    I'm grateful that God let me waste over 13 years of my life. "Of such an one will I glory: yet of myself I will not glory, but in mine infirmities."
     
  11. ClaritySeeker

    ClaritySeeker Fapstronaut

    Again, great answers. Hopefully one day you will attain the skill to M without sinful thoughts, that'll make things much easier, but I think that's very hard for people to do.

    Sounds complex, good luck with that, I'm sure it's possible to find Christians who base their faith in science as well.
     

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