Hey - Day 1

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Kingston_J, Nov 10, 2018.

  1. Kingston_J

    Kingston_J Fapstronaut

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    Hi there... Just wanted to introduce myself as I really think these forums can help me on my journey.

    I'm a 34 year old gay male who's been struggling with sexual dysfunction since my 20's and really not known why. I recently started a therapy program for some long term mental health issues I've had (OCPD/Anxiety/Depression) and I finally got the courage to opened up about my experiences with sex. Sex has never really been something I've been comfortable with talking about and when it comes to the issues I have surrounding sex I get anxiety just thinking about it.

    The issues I have surrounding sex as I said started in my 20's which just so happens to be around the time I came out as well as living independently. Prior to coming out I had sex several times and while not always positive I had no performance related problems that I can remember. At 22 or 23 I suddenly stopped being able to get off from sex... The desire was there but I just couldn't. As frustration grew that tiny problem grew in to decreased sensitivity, being unable to maintain a full erection (only being semi-hard) for more than a few minutes, sometimes being unable to achieve an erection at all, my mind always seems to wander, and a full range of anxieties surrounding sex, to the point now where I have pretty much just avoided it completely.

    As I said previously I recently started a therapy program... My last sexual experience has kind of been looming over me for a while now. It was horrible... I completely froze in the moment, I got hard for a few minutes and then everything just shut down. When things like this happen it seems I find there's a lack of understanding from the other person and people really take it as some sort of personal rejection despite attempting to explain that it's "just me". Any ways I'm really at a point in my life where I want to enjoy sex and maybe down the road a relationship so I thought since my therapy has been anxiety focused this would be a great opportunity to get to the bottom of my issues surrounding sex.

    I discovered NoFap after reading some "homework" my therapist gave me and got a bit side tracked. I'm someone who if I'm going to do something the material really has to speak to me or things go in one ear and out the other. The material I was reading was just really dry and speaks more to "straight" men and woman in relationships so I got curious to see what other things I could find. I ended up finding a sort YouTube video about how to have better sex and anxieties surrounding it... One of the things mentioned was over-stimulation and porn, which started to resonate with me. A google deep dive later and here I am.

    I've been an avid porn watcher since my teens and in the last couple of years I've often wondered if I was addicted to it. That said I was never able to connect the issues I had in my sex life to my porn watching habits, so I'm giving this rebooting thing a try and open to seeing if it can help.

    Today is day 1 for me and I'm already struggling. Masturbation and porn is kind of my go to thing... I usually start my day with it, end my day with it, and whatever else in between. I came home from work today and had to stop a couple of times and stop myself from instinctively going to my daily porn sites. I had a nap but was restless from not having masturbated. My biggest issue right now is the discomfort and tension in my testicles and some tension in my back. If you have any tips or tricks for getting over this initial hump I'd be interested to give them a try.
     
  2. Kingston_J

    Kingston_J Fapstronaut

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    Day 2 - Wishing I could get a good night sleep... I must has woke up last night at least 4 to 5 times. I see to be carrying a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders. I've also been horny like crazy... I tried some breathing/meditation exercises and while I've enjoyed them they haven't really been able to calm any of my tensions over the course of the day.
     

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