Here we go...

Hey Fapstronauts!

New to the recovery game here. Just found the Your Brain On Porn book and can’t put it down. It is spelling me out word for word.

Back story: Been looking at porn for almost 20 years, even looked at porn and masturbated a LOT to it before I had sex for the first time, and have had what I now know to be PIED ever since I started. I always chalked it up to just who I was or being tired or stressed or whatever, but never really changing my habits. EVER sexual relationship I have had has had this problem, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, sometimes it would need to be very aggressive or hardcore sex to get it going..sometimes it would only work during porn viewing masturbation..even then, especially the last 10 years or so, it wouldn’t work or be limp..the last three years I met my now wife who insisted I stop watching porn which I did with only the occasional slip up, but I was and have been still maturbating a lot, especially since we have had periods of long times apart, most recently 6 months due to military deployment..I recently started reading the YMOP book and realized that even with masturbation, I was looking at erotic images of my wife, I still have a lot of anxiety about performance, don’t get many spontaneous erections...etc., I realized that I have spent two decades wiring my brain this way and SO much of my life is affected by it, impulsivity, aggression, depression, anxiety, risky behavior, the list goes on and on..I want so desperately to stop..I want to have amazing sex with my wife and perform greatly, but I fear so much that I have done so much damage for so long that recovery won’t happen...

Am I a lost cause? Is there hope? How long before I can maybe start seeing the benefits of this? Any tips or tricks or advice on how to stay “sober” / Fap Free? What do the different abbreviations mean like PMO?

Thanks Fapstronauts for any help you can give!