Here to Stay

Discussion in 'Under 20' started by Judah Turner, Mar 8, 2019.

  1. Judah Turner

    Judah Turner Fapstronaut

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    Day 1.
    Essentially. I've been addicted to porn for about a year and a half since my First GF left me. I felt alone and that caused me to use it. Since then, Something has been broken inside of me. When I'm not with my friends, I feel alone and hopeless.
    I just deleted all of the Hentai I had saved on my computer. All of It. I'm also Going to Be Deleting my TOR browser which I used to Watch porn in private.
    So this is Day 1, Or...night?...1?
    I have no clue, its one in the morning.
    I'll post everyday. I'm going for 90 Days.
    As a Christian, Leaf Ninja and A Jedi. I will overcome this. Especially since I have my Friends and a Drumset to Play on. Playing on the Drums makes me really happy. Its a skill I am going to focus on in place of... "Slapping the salami" As the Kids today would put it.
    Oh, Sidenote, Happy International Womens Day, What a fitting Day to start this, a Surprise to be sure, but a welcome one!
    hello.png
     
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2019
    justafriend likes this.
  2. Judah Turner

    Judah Turner Fapstronaut

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    Alright, Day 1. Got home from School.
    Urges rushed into me, But I...
    Am a Man!

    I can Do this.
    Tryin' to get to 90 days.
    lets continue shall we?
     
  3. Judah Turner

    Judah Turner Fapstronaut

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    Sadly, I just relapsed, I am disappointed.
    Never fear!
    I shall start again!
    90 Days will happen!
     
  4. Judah Turner

    Judah Turner Fapstronaut

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    Alright,
    Day 1 again.
    I am starting small. My first goal is one full week.
    Lets git er' done.
     
  5. Judah Turner

    Judah Turner Fapstronaut

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    oh boy.
    Can't believe its Day 2 now.
    So far, Its been easy. The serious urges shouldn't come in until around tomorrow. I've been playing drums and singing a lot to keep me focused away from Hentai. Hopefully it works.
    Learned how to Play a full song on drums while doing vocals. I learned Clint Eastwood By Gorillaz. Proud of that.

    First Goal: 1 week.
    Next: 1 Month
    Final: 90 Days
     
  6. Judah Turner

    Judah Turner Fapstronaut

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    alright, still day 2.
    I just got done with workout and drum session.
    I am tired.
    its already day 2 and I have strong urges to masturbate to the usual depraved hentai that I usually do. The sad thing is, this whole addiction was just a coping mechanism for my past breakups. I have been thinking about them a lot.
    I'm going to be real. Because for the most part I've just been Joking around with what I've put.
    A huge motivator for my commitment to NoFap is my fear of Dying a Virgin.
    And to a greater extent, dying without knowing what love Is like. I experienced it for a month last year and since then all of my relationships have ended in dumpster fires. My peers For the most part (With the exception of my friends) They do drugs, have sex, stuff like that.
    I don't want to do drugs for fear of getting addicted, and I Have failed with most of the women around me. I have accepted that I'll just be single for a while. But I don't want to die a virgin, especially when most of my friends have had sexual experiences.
    Its not even Sex I want, I just want to be held and to just laugh with a girl who thinks I'm not a complete loser.
    IDK if thats a stupid reason to commit to this, but another Reason is that I've been super depressed once I got onto Hentai/porn after the first breakup. Hopefully The depression will leave after 90 days.
    I learned how to play this song on the Drums/Vocals. It Really symbolizes how I am feeling Right now.
     
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2019
  7. Judah Turner

    Judah Turner Fapstronaut

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    Just relapsed.
    90 Days is just out of reach.
    I am going to keep going until I succeed.
     
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2019
  8. Saiyan123

    Saiyan123 Fapstronaut

    Hi @Judah Turner, just wanted to say you're not alone in this journey and it helps me if I take it one day at a time instead of goals, the feeling I get knowing I'm one day closer to forever is great and I just wanted to let you know we can do this :)
     
  9. Judah Turner

    Judah Turner Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot, Your words are encouraging. It means a lot.
     
    Saiyan123 likes this.
  10. Judah Turner

    Judah Turner Fapstronaut

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    This is ridiculously hard.
    I feel like I'll never get through this. I played drums and sang for 3 straight hours in my room after a long tiresome day of school. One that consisted of ridicule and seeing my ex act like I don't exist.
    I thought about as I played this song.

    I got depressed and relapsed.
    I hate myself. I feel like abusive Relationships are the only ones I deserve because of Hentai and Porn.
    I'm gonna start again now
     
  11. Judah Turner

    Judah Turner Fapstronaut

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    I am on day 2 of This.
    I don't know how I am ever going to get through this.
    My ex is always at school. Seeing her hurts me so much and thinking about her makes me want to fap. I just want some emotional connection with a girl that so many other guys in my school seem to have.
    I hate Hentai. I hate myself for ever finding it.


    I am so completely dependent on it. I am super depressed, I've spent the last 2 hours thinking about how I want to kill myself.
    This is what Porn has driven me to.
    I'll keep updating as I continue.
    2/90 days.
     

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