help

Its now 6 days since he has watched he went from being all lovey and cuddley and showing affection to not looking at me he has still been honest and told me hes really struggling today we decided to take a break from sex also so I think thats a part of the anger now is that he has nothing, how do I help him over this hurdle to maintain his days free from watching.

 

I have iv giving him so many jobs to do even as far as bringing our daughter to school (something I always do), my car has never looked as good, hes in work today so that will help occupy him, he keeps telling me his struggle and I dont know what to say back other than im proud of him and that when he thinks like that to turn it into seeing the future when we will have our relationship back and our sex life goin to be better, he doesnt see it is what he tells me, im struggling myself I still have some anger over the situation I havent shown it towards him I dont want him to feel any worst.

 

Iv suggested it but he doesnt want to as hes not great for talkin especially with someone else other than me, what exactly is flatine, I think if i understand more id be able to cope and help him more, iv ready so much and watched so much in theory I get it but I just cant wrap my head around the way it makes him feel and emotionaly im not connected to the feelings with his addiction the way I see it is that I know its not real they're actors who dont actually have sex like that there just paid to act like they do.

 

Thank you, I think thats why I dont get the feelings he does when he watched it we have both watched in the past as a couple but this was long before I knew he was addicted and after a few mins id tell him turn it off that it did nothing for me I didn see the fantasy side I just thought that poor women or man id say they would be raw after how could they enjoy it, obiously he has diferent feelings towards it and has told me he wanted to do all the things he seen I guess a part of him thinking that its "normal" and always like that is from we starting seeing each other from 18 I was the 3rd girl he had ever slept with and the two before had been just a one night stand on both occasions. We are 7 years together and have had great times in the the bedroom but sometimes weve fought over him wanting to do things that I just thought it was weird or I felt wrong to do it not to say I dont enjoy sex I thought we just had different fantasies or ideas of how we wanted to do certain things im more sensual where as he wanted to jump right into certain things and it left things awkward, but he explained it was all becouse of his addiction and it makes so much more sense to me now about where hed get these random urges to do certain things it wasnt about me and him it was purely him wanting ti act out his fantasies and didn't care about how I felt towards it.

 

Thank you, I really do feel that its not recognised enough and should be made more public, I believe that if it was then maby my partner wouldnt haven't keep it a secerate for so long and we wouldn't of had the problem of how he lied and hurt me, I am so proud that hes been so dedicated and proving he wants this for himself and our family, he had two really bad days and asked me to take his phone and anything that he could use to search it, I did but felt guilty at the same time but he asked me to, hes been doin so well and has been so honest about urges and as soon as he thinks that way iv giving him plenty of things to occupy him with, we both agreed not to have sex, but yesterday we lay on in bed talking and he was a different person we both felt so much love for each other something that we hadnt felt in awhile which is clear now why we had been so distant but we couldnt help keeping ourhands of each other, it was like when we first started dateing and he said he didnt have the thoughts of what he usually did before, he also told me he used to masterbate before he thought we would be intamate to "last longer" but again that was how he thought it all should be as he didnt know any difference from porn to reality.
Im ok myself im feeling better as each day goes by that he hasnt falling of the ladder and im feeling much more happiness and building trust up again with the man I love we both promised each other that when hes ready and feels like hes better we are goin to go away for a weekend just us, im looking forward to it so much.