Help please am I broken?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by horny nerd, Dec 31, 2018.

  1. horny nerd

    horny nerd Fapstronaut

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    I have been edging and before orgasming deciding it's not worth it and letting it go.
    The past three ejaculations I've had have felt like squirting water out my penis. I don't feel anything. It's just two squirts and some drip and I didn't feel anything.

    Also how do I stop fantasizing about people I will never have sex with? I've been fantasizing about females I know in real life, but sometimes they are flirty and sometimes they treat me like shit. I want to distance myself from them and don't want to fantasize about them. I have lost hours of sleep fantasizing resisting the urge to stroke.

    My new years resoulution is to not masturbate 2019.

    How do I stop jerking it to not porn videos, but twerking and booty pics and stuff like that. Instagram and Youtube have led to relapses a lot. I can't delete them, because I would have nothing else to do.

    Also what do you guys think? I like to write my dreams down. I have a dream journal app, but leaving a device next to my bed leads to looking up twerk videos in the morning before even getting out of bed. Please help.
     
  2. horny nerd

    horny nerd Fapstronaut

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    updated my tracker.
     
  3. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut

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    Edging needs to stop @horny nerd! It has a worse effect on your brain than PMO, where you just get on with it and finish.
    Fantasizing about females is like having your own personal porn channel running in your mind. That is harming you.
    If you cannot control your use of Instagram and YouTube etc, you must delete them. You need to find other things to do. Twerking and booty pics (and bikini babes) are all p/subs. They can be just as damaging to your recovery as porn itself.
    A dream journal is fine. Just do it in a notepad rather than via an app. Then there will be no temptation to masturbate.
     
  4. Felipe.dasilva

    Felipe.dasilva Fapstronaut

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    Notepad is a good idea.
    Lay off touching yourself. I know it's hard to do. But try every time your wanting to you touch your meat touch your nipple. It works for me.
    Try to control your mind. Don't fantasize. Maybe try not to spend excess time in bed
     
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  5. Darke2009

    Darke2009 Fapstronaut

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    The other guys are so right! Its all about your behaviour, you need to replace those habits with new ones. I have been doing this for two years now and I have relapsed many times but I learn from it and keep moving forward. Edging is definitely the worst thing to do though because you are producing that thrill, the ejaculation is just the end of the process, you are still practising the worst part.

    Toxic people can be the worst. I keep only the people I trust and who are good for me close, I keep destructive people away as they cause great influence.

    Make your bed a place to sleep and to rest, the more you watch vids and masturbate in bed it becomes another place to get your fix. Create a sanctuary away from temptation and yeah I agree a note pad you can write in is a great idea!

    Keep strong brother! 2019 will be your year!
     
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  6. horny nerd

    horny nerd Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the help. I can't really write in a notepad in the dark and some of my dreams are kind of weird and if someone were to read them I might be traumatized.
     
  7. horny nerd

    horny nerd Fapstronaut

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    Thanks brother. Day 1 strong. I feel uncomfortable right now, probably just withdrawal. Do you have any idea why I feel lots of withdrawal? I won't even edge a little I will wear underwear to sleep now. It seems like I am also a destructive person. I think I might be bipolar slightly or not really because I change too quickly. Bipolar people stay the same for weeks. I one second am quiet and calm, but no desire to speak to anyone a lot. The next I am very loud and aggressive until I realize and control myself. One second I am sad and feeling a bit depressed and feeling defeated in life and the next I am laughing at the stupidist things. One second I am the funny confident one in the group and the next I am quiet and anxious and maybe slightly paranoid thinking that people might be staring at me or something. Is this normal? Is it not? Is it a disorder? Is it withdrawal? Is it because of PMO? Any help is appreciated.
     
  8. Hardcandy

    Hardcandy Fapstronaut

    I believe you need some purpose in your life. If you think only of not eating or even touching a candy you will eventually consume the candy.

    Try to think of some hobby, I do not believe you are interested only in watching YT and IG. They can be the very powerful triggers.

    Maybe some sport? Maybe you can act as a volunteer somewhere. You can meet new people there, make some new friends.

    For me idle time is the shortest route to relapse.

    Stay strong and motivated!
     
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  9. Felipe.dasilva

    Felipe.dasilva Fapstronaut

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    Bro your just a normal teenage guy. Relationships with others is the best thing for you. I got you buddy reach out when you need support. Wearing loose briefs to bed is better than boxers. You start 2019 freash in my book bro!
     
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  10. horny nerd

    horny nerd Fapstronaut

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    Day 3 no nut 2019. I fasted 36 hours starting two days ago at 9:00 pm and ending today in the morning. I found today I got mad easier maybe testosterone went up from fasting. I had no desire to PMO while fasting and if I am going through lots of urges I might fast a day. I felt really weak in the morning, but I slept earlier than usual which is good since I've been having insomnia, even though I go to the gym 3 times a week. I was meditating with my legs crossed for 15 minutes today and my legs were so numb I stood up and I couldn't move from that spot I had to kneel and lay down on the ground till I could feel my legs again.

    I've come to realize I have a really bad personality, and I get mad at the stupidest stuff and do stupid stuff expecting people to be ok with it. That's probably why I've pretty much lost all my friends. They don't want to message me no more. Oh well, I guess I learned my lesson. I have no self control, I guess I'll keep fasting and meditating and hope I get better.
     
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  11. Felipe.dasilva

    Felipe.dasilva Fapstronaut

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    Fasting helps me as well. I think meditating is good for your mind. Are you sure your friends have pulled away from you or the other way around? Maintaining friendships isn't easy as a teenager. It's easy to make friends but harder to keep them. Reach out to us in the Nofap community when you feel lonley. We will be here for you buddy
     
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  12. horny nerd

    horny nerd Fapstronaut

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    I don't really keep up with them because I have no phone. That might be why. I guess I'm lonely for life. That's just the way things are I've been strong all 2019. Fasting is the number one thing that's helped me. You have to exercise your willpower and now my willpower is rock solid. Also I use kratom sometimes. It helps with the boredom and pain of being lonely. I'm not too lonely it just feels like that most of the time. I'm not really able to connect with people. It's fine though. One day I won't be lonely and I'll remember what it was like to have zero friends and I'll appreciate my friends more. All my friends are only really surface friends. I wish I had some more deep friends that we can say anything and are confident in each other and have trust.
     
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  13. VeganRights

    VeganRights Fapstronaut

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    I used kratom also for a while, but after a while my kidneys really hurt. I was very enthusiastic about kratom, now i would stay far away from it, it's really harmful.
    I was so messed up for a long time (problems, addictions, unconscious impulsive living), that i lost most of my friends. I hope in 2019 my social life may improve too.
    Just keep focussing on life goals, getting healthy & strong. I find this community very helpful, inspiring and full of goodness. Let's improve our lives day by day bro, while at the same time being grateful for what we already have.
     
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  14. 4DCreator

    4DCreator Fapstronaut

    Are you serious here? You must build a proper foundation of your life. What if the internet will be shut down one day. What your day is going to look like??
     
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  15. horny nerd

    horny nerd Fapstronaut

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    I don't really have anything in life. I go to the gym 3 days a week and online the rest of the time.
     
  16. 4DCreator

    4DCreator Fapstronaut

    Time to build something solid as you are on the very thin ice here.
     
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  17. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I understand your situation. I was like that too at 15. The problem was that I had lost all my friends from school and they were the only friends I basically had. So I was still going to school and just standing there with the people I knew. I wasn't hanging out with them on my free time, at that point they were just basically my school mates. We had breaks between classes and those were so painful, I was just waiting for the class to start. At the start of my final year, I felt very alone and was dreading on the fact that I have to spend another year there. When it finally ended 10 months later, we graduated and I left without saying a word to anyone. That was 2.5 years ago. I went to what they call high school and made some new friends here and there, but no close relationships. I had a lot of issues in my life, social anxiety etc. Currently it's my final year in this school and saying a lot has changed would be an understatement. I'm really focused on building my social circle now, I wish you will try to do the same thing at a younger age. The way out of a situation like yours is to meet new people, and you can't really do that in your current school, I understand. You have to seek outside your school, maybe a hobby.
     
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  18. horny nerd

    horny nerd Fapstronaut

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  19. Felipe.dasilva

    Felipe.dasilva Fapstronaut

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    What things from the past to you think about? Sounds to me like touching your penis is an issue. Only touch in the bathroom and do not allow yourself internet access in the bathroom.
    Your edging is a real problem. Contact your AP when you start to edge. Helps a lot buddy. Get outside exercise and smile
     
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