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Help: Memories of porn haunting me and threatening my young recovery

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by ChicagoGenXGuy, Dec 6, 2018.

  1. Dec 6, 2018 #1
    ChicagoGenXGuy

    ChicagoGenXGuy Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    Vivid memories plague me in the early morning hours (5-7am). What's worse, my urethra is inflamed from years of PMO, once per day at the very least, up to 3x per day a couple times per week. Enough to cause a long term inflammation and a mild dull ache. I know for certain this isn't a UTI or STD. I know as well that it would be a major relief and "win/win" to MO to the porn memory archives, as the O alleviates the urethra ache for about one day. I know this from sex with my girlfriend which has been surprisingly great (no PIED) after about the 28 day mark.
    • My ex-wife's illicit sexual exploits which in my sex addicted sickness I cultivated and encouraged (but never directly watched or participated in). She would tell me about them in some detail and I'd imagine the rest.
    • Vile written word stories with the most evil plots and narratives imaginable.
    • Audio porn which I was only starting to dabble in when I launched my recovery but hit me very hard.
    • Videos to some extent but surprisingly not that big of a threat aside from some of the most disturbing non-consensual stuff. Not anything illegal, just the worst Pornhub, Xhamster et al have to offer.
    Does anybody have advice for developing mental discipline against this treacherous high risk weak link in my recovery? Thinking any guided audio I could call up on my phone during these time windows might be especially helpful. I'm a strong audio learner.

    Thanks
     
    ChicagoGenXGuy, Dec 6, 2018
    ChicagoGenXGuy, Dec 6, 2018
    #1
  2. Dec 6, 2018 #2
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Congratulations on being 28 days in.
    Thoughts like these will come. Trying to block them seems to make you focus on it even more. You need to get to a point where they and then they go, you don't get stuck on them.
    Planning ahead for things to distract your mind and keep it busy when these thoughts pop up are needed. A new hobby, learning something new or even something you used to enjoy can help. Also get away from being alone when these thoughts come, get out of the house and engage family, friends or even just being out around strangers.
     
    Deleted Account, Dec 6, 2018
    Deleted Account, Dec 6, 2018
    #2
    SirErnest and ChicagoGenXGuy like this.
  3. Dec 6, 2018 #3
    icantbelieveit

    icantbelieveit Fapstronaut

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    For such a thing I highly recommend mindfulness meditation or look into stoicism, basically when you get such thoughts just focus on your breath or the present moment...just observe the thoughts non judgmentally and think like "huh interesting" or "there I go thinking of it again" and the thoughts lose their power and will go away.
     
    icantbelieveit, Dec 6, 2018
    icantbelieveit, Dec 6, 2018
    #3
    ChicagoGenXGuy likes this.
  4. Dec 7, 2018 #4
    N M

    N M Fapstronaut

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    Go to hard mode... Did you remember you first five porn videos? Definitely no... Brain will forget it after few months.. But the subconscious mind will remember that and will throw that in your dreams... However even it will fade away after some years... Meditate and Abstain from smoke, alcohol, PM, if life is bored reward yourself with tastier food, backpack, etc....
     
    N M, Dec 7, 2018
    N M, Dec 7, 2018
    #4

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