Help. Is live porn different?

To me, yes. My opinion is that all porn is cheating but I think there is a spectrum of cheating, so P is on there but more towards the lower end. I assume you are talking about web cams/camgirls, etc.? I do think that is worse on a betrayal level, just my opinion. It is up to you to decide what is worse for you. I'm sorry you're in this spot but glad you found us here.

 

If you need some space, I don't think that is wrong. It is normal for you to feel betrayed and need some time to deal with this new info. That is fantastic that he is starting counseling and a support group and that he wants help. That is a huge step in the right direction. I hope it goes well for you two. His opinions on it being worse may change as he learns more about this addiction, but even if they don't, it is OK for you to feel that way even if he doesn't agree.

 

As someone who was married to a PA/SA who developed a actual relationship with a single person who was a camgirl from watching and interacting... I'd say its' different. He felt the need to hide porn but was insane about hiding the cams and ontop of that, was crazier about to the depth that relationship actually extended. It was a full blown affair extending YEARS into my marriage. To me, it's different. The communication, makes it different. It's more than sex, it's "do you like this nail polish?" it's the little things that the PA Should have been paying attention to you... That they decided to rob you, because it was directed to them.
Once they have been caught, they have the option to disclose... Every time they choose porn or csmming after, it' nnot just a addiction, they are choosing to cheat out your relationship. Because they have self awareness.
And they have no excuse.

 

Well said sir. Pre-recorded porn is bad enough - but livecam stuff? *shudder*

Like @Kenzi's mentioned there, there is interactivity, back and forth, an emotional attachment developing, which is absolutely in my book (as a PA too) cheating, if not in body, in mind and soul.

So sorry you're going through this.

 

It feels like cheating because it is cheating, no matter what your PA says. The look on my husband’s face when I tried to explain to him why sex cams are a million times worse than porn (at least when it comes to the emotional impact on me) made me think that either he is intellectually challenged or I am insane. Anyway, if your partner shagged their sexy colleague at a business party and said it meant nothing to him, it doesn’t mean it is supposed to mean nothing to you. The same principle applies here. And yes, there is a huge difference, due to the communication element. It hurts that while I was doing everything I could to engage him in any conversation (unsuccessfully), he was spending a fortune (literally) on chatting to those girls and, from what I gather, getting to know some of them pretty well.

 

This!
Because it's not JUST sex anymore... It's "please pay me while you edge and I paint my toenails and we chat about the weather" and meanwhile your wife is begging for sex and calling a therapist every day to try to fix your marriag ffor years.
It's so bad.... I can't even.

 

Because if my husband wanted ME to do the dishes naked instead of having me pay some internet hussy to do it... He should have just ASKED!!

 

You’re awesome. I told my wife I like her to do chores naked and she told me to forget about it because she doesn’t like being objectified.
This was many years ago. I learned my lesson.

Still, it wouldn’t have made it ok for me to hire someone to do it.
If anyone could do it (like it didn’t matter who I was looking at)
it is objectification.

Also, at the VERY least he should be paying her to do YOUR dishes.

 

Thank you. I honestly don't know how so many relationships get so far down the rabbit hole tho...

 

@Acky31 I think this is relevent