Help, I'm in desparate need. I'm so lost.

Hi, Gabe. All this kinda sucks, doesn't it? I still struggle so much that I hardly feel able to offer any valuable guidance -- but never seems to stop anyone else on the Net from speaking out! First, is there any way to diminish temptation by, say, leaving your laptop at the office or just getting away from the stupid screen? Second, I wonder if you're taking this TOO seriously. Not saying it's not a big problem. But it seems to have built up in your mind as some epic battle between Good and Evil. Personally, I can't deal with all that pressure. Maybe, just for a little while, treat it only as a change of habit, of routine. Whatever you do, best of luck! I'm rooting for you, and for all of us.

 

It's very hard for us Christians Especially the single ones. We literally do see porn as evil, and being with the devil. More so we know the consequences of such an action(PMO). We are headed into the lake of fire as Jesus said. Porn is destructive for us because I can still see all the images of the sex scenes I've watched, with complete abstinence from a laptop. I know all my favourite pornstars name, and I can't erase that. DAMM the day Porn was invented !!!

 

Chin up, my friend. Very few of us get it on the first try. Just don't give up. Whatever you do, don't give up. If you relapse a thousand more times don't give up. You will get it. Just keep coming back to these forums. Sometimes recovery takes some time to sink in.

 

I really like what @WasZeusWrong? wrote. (...Even if he doesn't know anything about recovery. Just joshing, @WasZeusWrong?!) In A.A. we view addiction as a disease, and I think it's a helpful way to look at things, not to mention it's a view that's supported by the medical establishment. It's not because we're moral failures that we're addicts. It's because, through a combination of genetics, environment, and our own misjudgment, we landed ourselves in a place where our brains' reward systems are effectively hijacked. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Viewing addiction as a moral issue tends to magnify feelings of failure and inadequacy, which in turn feeds active addiction. That's been my experience.

 

You've got one day! Reach out to the person with zero days! Let them know how you got one. (Insider knowledge here: you're gonna be helping yourself as much as you're helping them.)

 

I know....the images are the worst, I call literally recall every sex position of every scene. I've watched all scenes multiple times. At one point I had about 100GB of porn on my devices. You know what sucks though.... that we need these devices: The desktops,tablets, phones etc etc to do our jobs daily. Even when I'm writing this message, I want to go and checkout my favourite girl on Instagram. Her name is 'Demi Rose'. Her body and face are PERFECT ! But then I think ahead.... of the pain and depression I will feel ahead after PMO, and that's what's keeping me from going there. It's the only thing which is stopping me right now for the moment..

 

Tell me how it happened...What triggered it? Were you alone and away from your wife? Also is the porn stored on your device or do you need to stream it..?

 

Mate someone will now look up that girl. Delete her name! Let's do better than yesterday..

 

Yes I see what you mean, and I thought strongly about it. But my aim is to make a connection with someone so I can help them. The only way I can do that is to make my scenario as real as possible with every detail of the obstacle I need to overcome. There is power in having temptation, and turning your back on it..That's what I want people to see.

 

Gabe wrote: "It sucks because the same devices I use to communicate with my wife, and do some work are the ones that I also use for this evil, its like a double edge sword. This really makes me feel like half a man, no self control and discipline." I agree! It's one of the suckiest parts of this problem. Sometimes I have to go out of town and stay at a particular hotel. Everybody's phone and wireless work fine there, except mine. Terrible reception. I have to step outside on the balcony to talk to anyone. But of course I'm not going to do any PMOing on the balcony! So sometimes I really like being at that hotel. Temptation is gone. There's only the mini-bar! Is there any way you could try going device-less, even for only a few days?

 

You can take control of yourself. You do not need to think of this as an external thing, it is about you. If I successfully stop my habits it will be because I chose to win. I've done it with drugs already.
You can win.

 

Okay firstly so far I already see a behavioural pattern with you. It's when you come home from work, or sitting browsing YouTube.(YOU'RE ALONE). The strategy you use to masterbate thinking about your wife is great. I used the same strategy when I was married. As a Christian that is perfectly fine. It's only when you have lustful thoughts of other women it becomes a Sin. I hope you a repenting strongly to Jesus in your heart. Tell me about your 'Libido', it will play a huge factor in your scenario. How many times do you masterbate in a week? How many times do you have sex with your wife in a week. For me I would masterbate once a day, in bed with my iPad right before I went to sleep. If I stop for 5 days, then I can masterbate upto 4 times in one day. I believe I have a high libido, I was already having phone sex at 15, doing crazy things like making homemade pornvideos with my girlfriend, and experimenting with Anal sex.

 

As well as 'repenting strongly to Jesus', please also use free will. Your choices leading to better habits and a better future
As well as 'repenting strongly to Jesus', please also use free will. Your choices leading to better habits and a better future. You can do it.

 

Im of the exact opposite opinion and experence. I have married the woman of my dreams. Inside and outside. I thought it would be impossible for me to look at other women. But here I am. Its in the nature of this addiction, its about quantity, not quality. I have no reason to suspect gabe0115 commited to the wrong SO. That is nothing but denying the true issue.