Help for nofappers. How to find the right woman.

This will be a long post but I think its a high probability of helping the people who read it. To skip my life story scroll down till you see bold text.



So I wanted to say that here is what happens when someone you feel is the right woman rejects you. Especially if rejection or deception was involved and more likely it was. Humans aren't good at dealing with that at all. It's important you quickly refill that space with the right things. If you fill it with your biased and messed up emotions. Or bad logic, you just increase the chances of it happening again.

Hey guys, So I was thinking about my early 20's , my virginity then and my relationships. And there are some important things I learned that in the future once I understood things about myself, the world and women. I was able to heal and adjust accordingingly. I'd like to share my story and what you can do.

So what makes me qualified to talk about this is that I have studied psych, pick up artistry and personality science. I still speak to and am good friends with almost all my exes. I currently have a beautiful and intelligent gf whom unlike me is still a virgin. And women are attracted to me. I am 29 now and my gf is 26 btw.

So back then I had pretty bad social anxiety/avpd. Panic attacks, agoraphobia. I was diagnosed from an array of doctors to have potentially 7 different personality disorders including schizophrenia and avpd. I was also addicted to porn. My best female friend / crush at the time basically had stopped talking to me. I dropped out uni shortly after. I was about 21 then.

So first off I spent years on dozens of meds etc. First thing I will suggest because I know many ppl here are depressed/anxious. If your meds work then take em. If they don't work, I'd highly suggest you do keto or a zero carb diet. And Learn how to dry fast. So I will skip that journey but you can read up the mental health research from keto and a book on dry fasting by Dr.Filinov , a russian doctor.

Anyways I flunked out. My parents were super disappointed. I blamed my female friend. I blamed the system. And I developed a hatred for women and learned pick up artistry. To my surprised it worked. It worked too well almost. I went from barely touching a girl to making out with my hands down the pants of women I was trying to remember their first name while I was doing it. This only lasted for about 3 flings (no full on sex) By the 3rd one I had lost all reverence for women, respect for myself and any feeling of intimacy or love. And worse I realized that the last person I was with was as empty as I was at that time. She was so nice and smart yet was hooking up with the loser I was who just recently learned how to push the right buttons.

Anyway I stopped and recovered a bit. A few years later. I lost my virginity around 23 without my initial permission by my gf at the time. What I mean is, lets just say she took certain liberties in a kfc bathroom that I had expressed that I did not want that there ... But when it happened I can tell u the funny thought that popped into my head.
"I get it now. Why people fight over this and betray. I understand war and the quarrels of men."
Anyway so after that I felt pretty weird about that. Cuz its like well its my gf who frankly was out of my league. I am basically sorta short and fat. She was tall, big boobs, big butt, 19. So who was I to complain about losing my v ... anyway about a year later I broke up with her cuz she kissed some guy two seperate times. She stalked me for a while after that ...

Point is I was very messed up mentally from that and I dated lots of women after and I realized many of the women were similar. And I got sick of women again, went back to porn etc till I self developed, took a more honest look at myself and women. And I will tell you what I figured out.

Skip to here

How to find the right woman

Well first I would point out to you that different types of women will give you different things of course. But the first thing you must define and not fall back into is the WRONG WOMAN. This type of woman that is what you see as 20% of your love endeavours is likely responsible for 80% of your problems and misconceptions about women. Pareto's principle as it were.

For me I realized there were two types of women I constantly got involved with. This is defined by using the color code personality spectrum or Big Five Personality traits aka OCEAN which is highly accurate.


1. Blue women or women high in trait neuroticism. Women like this make loving and loyal friends. They will often talk to u and it is normal for you to begin to think to yourself that you should develop something there and maybe for u which we will get to later. But basicall girls like this tend to be the definition of bitter sweet. They are very prone to depression and anxiety. Often feel like a victim and are worriers.

Most women have many of these traits but with these women its on their surface and rules their life. Often if u are lonely/depressed u will often run into and seek women like this. They will accept u and love u. But it doesnt mean they are good for u. I kept failing over and over with women like this.

2. Yellows / high in extraversion. Women like this are frankly the cliche popular/cheerleader girl. Alternatively they are just a fun friend who has lots of friends. These arent hard to spot, they show off a lot of social media , their picks have 50+ likes and they have 4x more friends than u. Fun lovers but fickle. So women like this would often have fun with me and get bored.

So for me I realized I kept saving or being pulled down with one kind of woman. And often having these short unsuccessful trists with another. One was hurting me and the other one kept leaving me lol.

Keep in mind not everyone is the same even inside certain temperments. But you can predict to a high degree of accuracy what will likely work out and what won't. What hurts you and what helps you. Take my advice on this. Stop chasing women who hurt you. There is a difference between being brave and relentless compared to wasting time and being stupid. Look up Sunk Cost fallacy.
Self improve so you can change the dynamic or stop going after that person/type of person despite u loving their other traits. It is like loving sugar while it makes u fat.

The Right Woman

The last two things were examples from my real life. Again keep in mind individuals are not all the same because at the moment I am with a yellow/blue woman. Which I will explain in a second. The idea isn't to avoid women that frankly have womanly traits, because many of those will appear in over half of women.

The goal is to find the right balance and to not get mixed up with someone whose traits clash with yours.

You need to understand yourself. By doing this you will understand the women you have the best chances with.

You can use these links
http://www.personal.psu.edu/~j5j/IPIP/
^ This is a free version of the Big Five (What Jordan Peterson uses)


and / or
http://www.colorcode.com/
^ Colorcode system. Used in several corperations, churches, families and you can find videos on this on Youtube as well as his books on amazon.





So ok let me use an example from each type. With a lil work you can do the same for urself. Take a real look at urself and the women u like then go from there.

According to the big five
I am ...
High in Openness (that's probably my story is so long and personal )
High in Agreeability (Altruistic)
Average in Conscientousness (Dutiful not orderly)
Average in extraversion
Low Neuroticism.

So for me I realized the trait I was attracted to was openness. This was good for me but it was also how I kept getting fooled. Women who would talk to me often and tell me personal honest things. My current gf is high in this trait.

So ok I like openness. The issue is I kept getting involved with women who were also high in neuroticism. Meaning they had the world of problems and you get to hear about it. Worse either you get to fix it or you spend years trying to tell them how to when they rarely ever listen.

So okay great, lesson learnt. Avoid that kind of neuroticism or at the very least. Make sure they handle it themselves or have friends that help them to. Now again this is for me , not for everyone.

ColorCode

In the colorcode I am a White/Red. A somewhat rare mix where two of my colors are so close that I am pink for all intensive purposes lol xD. My point is , the fact i attract blues and yellows gives truth to the idea opposites attract. Ive never been with a woman with a red personality or a white one.

I don't want to be controlled by reds. And white personality women often get snatched up quickly or do not get involved with other whites like me at a young age often because like me they are chasing these sugar treats they think will make em happy and pull em out their boring loner life but thats not the answer.

My current girl friend is high in openness and extraversion. She is more on the yellow side I would say. We get a lot very well. She has I would say average neuroticism but unlike my exes she never points it in my direction. She gets depressed sometimes sure but she deals with it. When we are together we are always laughing even during intimate moments.

But because she is low in conscientiousness (not orderly or dutiful) lol. We are both messy except I have a little work ethic. This means okay I have a smart fun gf. But its likely I will have the work more and have more ambition which is often true for males anyway.

So thats the trade off. There will always be a trade off. The trick is to know what you can live with. And then you look for women high in the trait you like.

Where to find women high in your preferred traits (I should really get paid for this.)

Openness - Women high in openness will often reside in creative circles/ jobs. Be aware that often open women appear to be intelligent. This is not always the case. I am biased towards this so not much I can say except you will spend a lot of time talking to em. Good luck with your phone bill and getting things done. And you don't have a good chance if ur a private person. Open people generally like to be with other open people. If not they seek it elsewhere and you may not be comfortable with her talking to her male best friend or that female best friend who thinks she can do better than you lol. Because let me tell you I am that guy on both ends of that spectrum. You want to be able to fulfil both within reason.
Conscientiousness - Women high in this trait are easy enough to spot just are not online to talk much in my experience lol. They work a lot often in repetitive jobs like offices or are managers. Ngo's or entrepeneur circles are not bad to find women like this as well. My personal warning here is ironically a lot of guys are too scared to go after attractive professional women because they assume she already has a guy. This isnt always the case and u can succeed if u thread careful. But with women like this the trade is often that she will work a lot and prob make more money than u. And you have to deal with that and probably let her control ur life a bit.
Edit: I'd also say very important. Avoid approaching conscientious women romantically while they are working. 80% chance they will shut you down even if they actually like you. Try during breakfast, lunch or after work. Times when they aren't focussed on work.
Extraversion - This one is pretty easy. Just go where the party is or the adventures are. Problem is that you will have to learn to keep up with em. And I realized this is why yellows often left me. I didn't keep up with em. They want to go places and I wanted to go home and watch movies. I take my gf out a lot and its fine because we love being together but do not force yourself to go out a lot with an extraverted girl unless you really do love being with her. If you lie to urself that shes worth it or ur lucky etc, ur energy or ur feelings will catch up with u. She will sense it and she will leave.
Agreeableness - Charity, Churches, offices, Ngo's, and events. Why events? Agreeable people get asked to and are dragged to events. An issue with agreeable women is that often if they aren't taken, they arent exactly looking. So it can be hard to read because often they will seem disinterested or cold. Agreeable people respond to kindness/thoughtfulness well. Don't do it in a patronizing or suspicious way though.
Be a respectable, attractive enough guy and just be nice. Be interested. As I said before be kind but do not force your kindness on them. They will be more attuned to what you are doing than u might think but if u do it in a genuine way it multiplies your efforts.
Neuroticism - offices, depression/anxiety groups, activists , facebook social justice warriors. Ok so here is the trade off. I will be loyal and loving but you have to listen / help me deal with my problems. And I will always have them no matter how much u fix.

So again not everyone with every trait is the same or are exactly found in the exact places but just dealing with whats probable.

Remember it is very helpful to honestly realize your own flaws as well. And stop engaging with women who are not built to handle your flaws.

Now you can ignore my advice and take the hard road. And you might get there but the road will be hard and not necessarily mutually beneficially so.

Feel free to ask any questions

If any question is How did I meet my current gf?
I first met my gf in a writing group. (Two highly open people meeting in a writing group is probable). But she wasnt my gf until I did nofap. She sensed that I was different than before and asked me out.

 

I added some pictures. To so people can easily understand even if they don't have time to dig in. Well yes people think dating is about love or sex. Dating is more about getting to know women and yourself better. If you pay attention and let your ego go. You learn exactly what women want and what you do wrong. For instance I was actually too polite for most women. Women want kindness not indecision or to feel like you are toothless.

I'd also say avoid developing complexes or take opinions too seriously unless around 3 women say the same. If 3 women say it then u should ask yourself what makes them think that. For instance I may often come across egotistic even though I am not due to my tactless style of talking. Confidence + tactlessness looks like ego. Some women like a bit of ego though , they just dont want u to use it against them. Consider it as a dog. They want to play with and tease ur ego but never want it to growl or bite at em.

Anyway just a thought.

 

Like I said in the post. You just got where you have a good probability to find someone with a trait u like. Then you climb that hierarchy or you show your willingness to learn how to climb it. Once you do that, just be nice and honest. Women will come to you and if they don't you still climbed a generally beneficial hierarchy that will attract women from other hierarchies to you. So its win win.

 

did you read it yet xD ? heh

 

lol if you want an agreeable women then yeah christianity is not a bad place to find a good one. I am not christian anymore but I find Jordan Peterson's biblical lectures amazing.