I've started to realise recently that I have a horrible relationship with sex, and I'm scared it's going to result in loneliness. I've always been a very "sexual" guy -- I was the idiot at school that flirted with all the girls and boasted to my friends about who I thought the hottest girls were. It's perhaps no surprise that all the bravado has resulted in a desperately lonely adulthood. I lost my virginity at 18-years-old, and it was as awkward and awful as I imagine it is for everyone. I had some good times with my first girlfriend, and it was fun being in a place where we were both clueless and learning together. Towards the end of our relationship I started to ejaculate prematurely every time, and our relationship was collapsing in general, so we went our separate ways. I never looked for another girlfriend immediately and threw myself into uni and later work. During this time I had no sexual partners for about six years, and got all of my gratification from porn and camgirls. Then I dated my childhood sweetheart who was very "experienced" and I experienced PIED for the first time. She kicked me out that night, and really scarred my soul. Even though we ended up trying multiple times, our whole relationship was marred by the fact that I couldn't "perform". In my head, I felt the pressure to be like a porn star, and to give her the best sex she'd ever had. Problematic. Now I have a new girlfriend who's similarly experienced and I'm having the same erection problems (I'm rebooting) and the same feeling that I have to be the best ever. I just can't get anything going. But I'm posting in this thread because there's more than PIED going on here, and I'm hoping others can relate and potentially even guide me: While I think my body is good, I have a deep disdain for my penis. My foreskin is incredibly tight, and can only really be retracted when I'm washing it. It looks abnormal compared to what you see in porn, and makes me very self-conscious. I'm actually going to see a doctor about this next week, but I know he's going to suggest circumcision and I'm just not sure how I feel about that. I never feel like my penis is big enough. Obviously PIED doesn't help because, while I can get pretty hard, I quickly go soft. Like most guys I've spent a lot of time measuring up and at full strength I'm between 5.5-6.0 inches, but rarely do I get any sensation at all when I'm in a girl's vagina. It feels like I'm not even in there, which makes me shrivel up. There have been times when I've asked if girls can still feel me because I just don't have a clue. Condoms are a disaster because I don't feel anything without them, and I feel even less with them on. What the hell are you supposed to do? Even putting the things on kills any intimacy for me. I basically can't do any position other than missionary because I just don't feel big enough. I feel like I'm being crushed when a girl rides me, and everything else just feels awkward and bad. I can't do it. To make matters worse, I went through a period where I wanted to live out my sexual fantasies so started paying for escorts a lot. It's almost always been awful with every one I've seen. I even went as far as seeing transgender escorts, because that was my kink in porn for a while. It's hard to know what positive steps to take to change this awful relationship I have with sex. Apart from those very first encounters, when my partner and I were largely clueless, I just don't feel like I have the experience or sensation to successfully have sex. I find it painful, awkward, uncomfortable, embarrassing, and frankly I don't know what I'm doing. To make matters worse, I hate the way my penis looks, even if I can get it hard enough to perform. I'm abstaining from porn and masturbation, so that's a first positive step. But I feel there's more going on in my situation than pure PIED. I want to have loving and healthy sexual relationships, but I'd argue I'm actually afraid of intimacy at this stage in my life. What can I do?