Hello!!New Fapstronaut here.

Hello everyone!
My name is Milan,I'm 19 years all and I wish to share my story with all of you.
As:English isn't my native language.

I've been into PM ever since I was 10.I remember it like it was yesterday.One day after school I went straight to the living room to find something that my parents hid away.It was a CD,I did not knew anything about it but I do remember that I couldn't sleep because of loud screaming noises I heard almost every night.So after shortwhile I've found the CD in the DVD.So I booted the device and first thing I saw was a bunch of adults dressed in goofy costumes and above them was inscribed "Pinocchio".Name's child friendly though.
I started the movie.Begining was nothing special,it looked just like normal Pinocchio movie,carpenter was creating his Pinocchio doll,doll became living being etc.etc....but then female wizard came along...And She met Pinocchio....I Was kinda scared,I had no idea what I was watching,at first they were hugging,kissing...and Then they took their clothes off and...well I knew what penis was back then,but to me back then it looked like something artificial,something alien...I Thought males of all ages all had little child penises.How innocent I was....That Was the beginning of my addiction....

From 2011 to 2013 I was doing relatively fine,I had plenty of friends,I was one of the "cool kids" I could have any girl I wanted.I trained soccer...life Was good.
Apart from occasional sofa humping,masturbating in public toilet to girls I saw on street and watching sexy pictures.
I actually haven't watched Pinocchio since first time because it was awkward and creepy.

At age of 15 I stopped training soccer(worst decision in my life)...reason Why?Masturbating and video games...I Got so addicted to porn and video games that I completely neglected my social life.I've lost many friends because of that but not all of them...I Neglected my personal hygiene,meals,exercises..Every morning the first thing I did was powering my PC,watching some porn,playing games until late hours....and Repeat...for Nearly 6 months....
Though I did not neglect school,I had excellent marks.
But my skin was ugly,my hair was long and messy and I was skinny af.And I wanted to do something about it so I started street workout,improved my already excellent marks at school (In 2014 I won 3rd place at history competition in my country and I was best student of 2015 in my town).
My face was clearing up,I started caring more about my hygiene and my nutrition.
I was smart and decent looking.People were admiring me.Life was good back than.
But one thing never changed...my Social life...why?Well Because of porn.....
I did not care about finding a nice girl even though some girls started me first,I gave 0 fucks about that,because I had my lotion and list of popular pornstars.Who needs a girl when you have that,right?
My masturbation only increased and I became slave of porn.I've became an addict.
But regardless of that I was still popular at school,smartass but not a nerd...down To earth and kind.People respected that.

Then I fell in love with the most beautiful girl I ever saw,she was an angel.A perfect match,she was nice I was nice...I Never had that beautiful feeling before.Feeling of loving someone...

But in august of 2016 my life took a big fat U turn.All that masturbation and playing video games took it's toll....I've Became ill,but neither I nor doctors knew what it was about.
My hands became red and sometimes purple,my face was red,itchy and ugly...my Eyes looked dull,old and....creepy....
Then nightmare began....Everyday I came from school I went to my room and started crying like a little bitch....everyday People were laughing,making fun and discrediting me.It was hard...Before This shitstorm hit me I never drank a cup of alcohol or smoked....After This I fell into depression,developed severe social anxiety...stated Drinking....smoking Cigarettes....and Drugs...
The worst thing about drugs is that people were saying I was using drugs before I even actually use them,because I was so ugly and disgusting it looked like I was using them...
Every day was hell...I Wanted to kill myself so bad...And People found about that too,so they started saying I was crazy....And All that time I was still loved that girl,but only now I had zero chanches.Even she started calling me ugly and crazy,pathetic...
I lost more that 10kg,all of my friends.Life was nightmare.This lasted for a year,during that time I've developed hypertension and number of other health issues.I did not care about what I was wearing or how I looked...I Just wanted to die.
Only I know what I've been through...you Can only imagine...
But I was still masturbating with the same joy I had when I first started...

But somehow I went forward and finished school and found a job at the nearby sawmill as a manual laborer.There it was no different than school.People making fun...same Story...only Now I did not use drugs anymore but I smoked about 40 cigarettes a day.
Job is pretty physically hard.But I never gave up no matter how though it was or how bad I wanted to die.

Then in December 2017 I wanted to change something about myself again.I stopped smoking,just like that.I still have no idea how I did that...
I started exercising,stopped playing video games,started playing guitar and set up my goal to becoming a good,kind and nice person.No matter how times life punched me I want to become a better person.Though I'm 19 I know look severely underdeveloped,I look like a kid.A very ugly on.But I will carry all this weight on my back like I always do..I guess...

But there is one thing I think is stopping me...mastrubation....
I hope that after rain sun will come back....



Thank you for your time y'all.I hope you'll accept me when everyone else rejects me.

 

Thank you brother!

This community is sanctuary for all moral and kind human beings.

 

Learn from my story.I was just like you,I had "urges" and I didn't control them.You need to learn how to control them and find something you love doing more than anything else,if you haven't found it yet,keep looking.

 

I'm sorry about that.Hope she gets better soon.
If you continue doing that you'll be John Cena by the time you reach adulthood

 

If you ever need advice I'm more than happy to help you in any way I can.

 

Try by taking cold showers and meditating afterwards.It helped me.If you can't fall asleep when you take cold shower then try by warm but not hot.

 

Thank you for your support.

 

Thank you for the motivation and encouragement.
And I'm glad you made it.Good luck with everything.