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Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by WhoOwls, Nov 23, 2016.

  1. WhoOwls

    WhoOwls Fapstronaut

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    Hello. I'm Brandon. A few months ago I was in a relationship with a woman who changed my life. Her and I were together for nearly 3 years, in which time I had stopped using pornography for 1 1/2 years. It became a part of my morality to stay away from porn and masturbating, and I knew that what I was doing was right for me. However, things started to change since her and I broke up.

    In June we broke it off and at the time I thought nothing would change with my mindset. I was naive. Soon loneliness and moral isolation began to make me fear that I was not normal for wanting to stay away from porn and masturbation. These things along with my OCD and depression helped along my decision to force myself back into looking at pornography and masturbation.

    I have been doing this both out of a need to rid of my lonely feelings and to try and make myself feel like I'm "normal". Instead I get the opposite effect, feeling lonelier and even less normal. Despite these feelings, I still try it again. Sometimes it's the next day, the same day, or the next week. It seems to happen when I feel very lonely, which is often lately considering I don't tend to talk to many people.

    I really want to turn myself around. I'm tired of the vicious circle I've started and I want to feel normal again, and hopefully less lonely.

    I'm sure I'm not the only one who is feeling/has felt this way.

    TL;DR: Hello. I returned to masturbation and pornography after a breakup. I do it out of a want to feel normal and less lonely, only causing the opposite effect.

    Thank you for reading, and I look forward to meeting you.
     
    Sven Pellegrain and D . J . like this.
  2. DBug

    DBug Fapstronaut

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    Loneliness suck but it's only you who can change that.
    Force yourself to talk to people - it's the only way you'll get better at it and make new (girl)friends.
    Maybe through a hobby or extracurricular activities or whatever.

    Best of luck!
     
    D . J . likes this.
  3. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap! You are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and not judge you.

    What strategies are you currently using to combat the enemy called PMO?
     
  4. WhoOwls

    WhoOwls Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, DBug
    .
    This is a start for me when it comes to talking to people, and I should take it into the real world as well. I really have a hard time finding places to meet people in my area because I live in a small town.

    Thank you, D.J.

    I try my best to find an outlet, like music, drawing, or poetry. They have been helping a lot and from this day forward I plan on using them as my weapons in this fight. I am also open to suggestion, and will be lurking the forums to see what others are doing.
     
    D . J . likes this.
  5. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Here is a growing collection of startup strategies compiled from myself and I've added some from others on NoFap. Keep these in mind. This is by no means a be-all-end-all list of suggestions but it is a list for you to use and add to for yourself and modify to meet your needs.
    1. Delete all of the P that you have from your computer and smartphone including the browser history and cookies. This will not stop you but will slow you down.
    2. Identify your triggers. What are the things that you happening in your world to cause you to turn to PMO for escape and comfort! This is the most crucial step in the process.
    3. Once your triggers are identified, determine healthy ways of dealing with those triggers such as exercise, running, leaving the stressful situation and going outside for air.
    4. Follow this link to find out what NoFap is about. Within this link is a link to a glossary of terms commonly used on NoFap. This will help you communicate knowledgeably and more effectively. https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/newbies-list-of-rebooting-resources.50878/
    5. Go to http://yourbrainonporn.com/ to learn more about the effect PMO has on you. Do this also to educate yourself on the damage you are doing to yourself.
    6. Guard your eyes. Be careful of what you allow yourself to see. No, you cannot live with your eyes closed but you can determine how long you look at something. If you know it may cause you to fall, flee from it! Run in the other direction, sometimes that need to be literal.
    7. Masturbation... do not keep your hands to yourself. Unless you are bathing, changing your underwear or actually using the bathroom, your hands should be nowhere near your penis. YOU ARE BANNED FROM TOUCHING YOUR PENIS FOR RECREATION!!!
    8. Your bed is limited to only the time you are sleeping. No laying in bed other than that. As soon you awake, you should get out of bed. Can't sleep, if awake for more than a few minutes, get out of bed until you are sleepy enough to go to sleep.
    9. Keep doors open unless necessary. You need to be isolated as little as possible. You're less likely to M when people can see you.
    10. Keep curtains and blinds open as much as possible. Similar reason as above and also allows light inside. Many time M'ing is more likely in dark places.
    11. At night, keep lights on as often as possible. Similar to above, lights on may lessen your desire to fap.
    12. If you are a naked sleeper or a boxer sleeper, consider sleeping in a in jockstrap, cup or briefs or compression shorts, something more constrictive so that you are less likely to feel movement while falling asleep or when awaking. They may provide a better barrier to prevent those that subconsciously reach for their penis at night or in the morning. They may also be a visual barrier for those that have morning erections too irresistible to not touch.
    13. Begin a journal so that others can encourage you and connect with you.
    14. Become active in this community. The more active you are, the less time you will spend focused on you. The less time focused solely on you, the faster time goes. There is an old saying, "a watched pot of water doesn't boil any faster", which means for this example, focusing solely on yourself and your issues won't make them go away sooner. It's OK to track progress but when spending more time doing other things that were once important to you and encouraging others, you will notice the time of your sobriety will go so much faster than if you didn't.
    This a journey. Unless you began your addiction yesterday, don't expect to have complete victory by tomorrow. It takes time. We are here for you for as long as it takes.
     
    Sven Pellegrain likes this.

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