Hello and here goes nothing!

I am a 27 year old man. I am addicted to porn.

The beginnings:
I first began exploring my body around 10 or 11, which involved playing with my anus and fitting things into my rectum. I first found porn around the age of 11 or 12. It was nude photos online and I didn't know what to do with them. I would keep things in my butt and just look at the photos for hours. I found video porn around the age of 14, and later that year my friends described the possibility of masturbation and orgasm. I tried it out. One of the first partnered pornographies I watched happened to involve heterosexual anal sex. Between my original fascination with that part of my own body and the newly-discovered abundance of people having anal sex on film, I was hooked on anal porn. I have been since.

The intermediate:
I am coming to see the ways porn conditioned me to desire anal sex from women and to seek out women who might be more willing to try it or enjoy it already (all these judgements are on a surface level, though, and hardly ever represent the actual person I am trying to characterize). My own deeply-rooted habit of PMOing whenever I wanted to led me to expect a lot of sex out of my real life partners. In the end of those relationships, typically my focus had turned away from the person I was with and toward what stimulation and orgasms I could get from her body.

More recently:
I have come to link these (and other aspects of my life) at least in part (if not fully, we shall see) to my habit of PMO, my addiction to porn. There are other aspects, but these are the big ones. I feel a lot of shame around these things, and I want to be free from this addiction. I have been doing "light mode" on my own for the last year and have relapsed a lot. I found NoFap and am excited to engage with others who have a similar problem, and to try a "hard mode" challenge.

Thank you for reading. I wish you the best in your own endeavors and leaving this addiction behind ourselves! We got this.

 

Thank you both for the encouragement and the welcome! I think I need to reset my counter, but I’ve been going strong and am motivated to continue.