Heartbroken Couple

Welcome to the forum, you've come to exactly the right place. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but it's not even half as bad as it seems at first glance. Your husband already admitted that he may have an addiction, and he didn't go down the dark path of lies and deceit to cover it up. He's not in denial, he's not yet emotionally disconnected. Furthermore, you already seem to have a good grasp of the addiction by realizing that no single person can possibly compete with the artificial stimulation of novelty porn. Continue to educate yourself on YBOP or on this forum, but don't forget that it's his job to overcome the addiction. There's a closed support group for SOs as well. While you want to be supportive, make sure that you take care of yourself first. Feel free to browse my journal and success story, and invite him to sign up on this forum as well. The one thing he has to realize is that he established PMO as a crooked coping mechanism to deal with life, and he has to change several aspects of his life to get rid of it for good. We're all here to give him a helping hand once he decides to recover from his addiction.
Take care!

 

Time heal everything, just give time and support to your husband if he is willing to fight this addiction...
It's not one day process, it will take time....but since he has confronted which seems he is hopefully in mood to giveup this things... but at the last its all just is a addiction...you both have to show patience and will-power else its difficult to get rid of such stuffs..since there are lots of proxies available to bypass the blocking anti-porn software is no-more reliable option...its not your fault and it was never that he tends toward PMO..its all about his brain..so there is nothing to blame yourself..all you can do is support him..if situations seems can't be control anymore take help of therapist..
let him do small stuffs like meditation,exercise,etc..they will give him mental boost which he need now....
success is only there where you attempt..there are lots of stories of success and failure in PMO, this addiction is all about fighting those triggers that urges you to relapse.. analyse his living style and try to figure out whats urges him.. since its your relationship you have to take stand .....

 

We're glad you found this forum. Many couples come here trying to overcome this addiction together. It's good to see your husband acknowledge his problem rises to the seriousness of addiction. Part of that realization should involve the understanding that he has the primary responsibility to do what is necessary to get clean. This addiction doesn't only affect him... you have legitimate feelings and wounds related to his actions. Don't focus solely on his problems and neglect your own. You BOTH need to heal. So try to connect with the other wives/girlfriends and take time to work on yourself as well.

You ask what you can do to be supportive. Firstly, as part of his recovery he needs to analyze his situation and come up with an action plan. He should communicate to you his plan and he should communicate to you how you fit in. You should not be his Accountability Partner... he should come here and find someone to check in with every day and talk about tips and strategies. You are also not responsible to be the policeman in the relationship... acting like a detective may keep him out of trouble but doesn't build trust... it will cause you anxiety and stress.

Being supportive should involve checking in with him every day. He should share with you any epiphanies, discoveries, or understandings that he might have during the day. He doesn't need to tell you about every urge or fantasy he has because that can hurt you further, but you can talk about the emotional reasons behind his addiction and ways it has affected your relationship. Establish ahead of time how often he wants you to check in because it can turn into nagging and have a negative effect. My wife and I talked every night during my detox period. We talked a little about me, and little about her, and I would apologize for whatever injuries I caused.

Being supportive may involve not leaving him alone during his detox period. It may feel like babysitting but is critical in order for him to get past the first few weeks. Being supportive might involve planning things outside the house that build up your relationship. It may involve a honey-do list of projects to do around the house as a distraction from the the thoughts and urges that will plague him in the early days. Being supportive may involve listening to his feelings without judgment because he might have feelings that make him feel extremely ashamed. Those conversations can restore trust between the two of you.

Being supportive does not mean coddling him. There still needs to be boundaries and expectations - make them known up front. Relapses may happen but they should not keep happening weeks after starting on this path. Maybe there needs to be established consequences for serious slips. There needs to be an appropriate amount of fear of failure that he can use to motivate himself to stay clean. Also, it might be good to lay out rewards for achieving milestone goals. It takes patience to see meaningful changes but it's possible to stay away from porn from the beginning.

I hope this gives you some ideas you can use with your husband going forward.