Healing is a process

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by JKH, Nov 24, 2018.

  1. JKH

    JKH New Fapstronaut

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    I first watched porn in 2012 and it just went downhill from there. 6 years I have been fighting this monster and just when things are looking up, I get backtracked.I used to just MO before then but I still hated it. I want a life that's PMO free. I think part of the problem is that I have never opened up to anyone about it. Always kept it inside due to the shame. I come from a religious background, christian to be specific and it's just the thought of opening up to someone without the fear of being judged or seen as a deviant. I have known about nofap for close to a year or longer and It's encouraging to see people aiming for a better life. Am too paranoid about posting things online but after last night, I decided something's got to give. So created this post to put it out there in the universe that I have a problem with PMO. Thinking about talking to one of the pastors at church tomorrow. Just blurting it out and saying I need help, will see if I have the courage. Am so pissed off coz I didn't get much sleep either and I am working on grad school applications. Wasted time watching porn instead of sleeping so I can have more time for my applications today. This thing is really destructive. I believe having a positive attitude goes a long way and I have been working on mine. Suffered from low self esteem and negativity growing up and I am working to change that. I don't know how often I will post on here. But today is a brand new day and I will live it to the fullest.
     
  2. Newgirl

    Newgirl Fapstronaut

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    Welcome!
    Good to see you hear. It helped me a lot to open up about my problem. This community has been very helpful. I believe you are on the right track and with lots of determination you can break free. With lots effort and faith you will become whole again. Stay strong! :)
     
  3. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Welcome @JKH
    All of this is the normal MO for people who show up here seeking help.
    Well that would be correct. But remember, that is only part of the problem.
    This is a problem with the Christian religion. I know. I am a Christian too. We can deal with this part a little later, but we'll use it to help you get out of this.
    This is a great start. You recognize you have a problem and are willing to get a grip on it. This is good. This is real good.
    If you want to do this, that is fine. But seek prayer. Not help. The reason I say that is that so many of them do not know how to properly deal with this addiction and others are predisposed to have problems with PMO themselves. And because of their faith, their struggles continue to go untreated because it would mean a death sentence to their livelihood. The Senior Pastor at my church 20+ years ago was dismissed for having an extramarital affair with his secretary. I have a Pastor in our Men's group. So yes, people of faith have this problem too. So I would suggest using it for prayer support if you so choose, and seek help with it through resources that know how best to help you navigate this addiction within yourself. Personally, as for me, I wouldn't talk to my Pastor at all about it.
    YEP, you've got that right. It is a huge waste of time and it interferes with every facet of your life.
    I don't know how often you will post here either, but I know that doing so will walk you through this, and you'll look up one day and say "I'm in remission". That is the endgame. We love you and want you to get the help that you seek. And with that in mind, I would suggest you start here:

    “Out of the Shadows” by Dr. Patrick Carnes

    https://www.amazon.com/Out-Shadows-...068&sr=8-1&keywords=out+of+the+shadows+carnes

    Second, structure your time. Lay out a calendar and structure your time. @FlyingPizza has great examples of that in her outstanding Journal.

    Third, take it one day at a time. Say "I'm going to stay clean just for today." Rinse and Repeat, and Tomorrow, you do the same. This is how you get to 90 days, then 120 Days, then 180 days, and so forth and so on.

    Forth, Journal. Start a thread, or open a book, and Journal. It really gives you a lot to reflect on.

    Fifth, and that's it for now, go look up videos by Brene' Brown. "Shame cannot survive with empathy".

    That's a good start. If you have questions/concerns, let me know or post it here, and somebody WILL respond. Because at the end of the day, one of the things that helps us most to stay clean is also helping you.
     
    JKH likes this.
  4. ryyyouxx_

    ryyyouxx_ Fapstronaut

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    Hi there! welcome to the community ! i know it may be hard, but if you need help just reach out! don't be too embarrassed, I was too when I joined! i had problems opening up, but this place definelty helped alot! if you need anything, just ask. you're going to be alright! we're here for you :) you're going the right way !

    good luck on your journey !
     
    JKH likes this.
  5. _cwhitey_

    _cwhitey_ Fapstronaut

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    Hey! I am proud of your courage to be honest and speak out about what's going on. If you're ever interested in having an accountability partner, you are welcome to message me and maybe we can help each other both be more open so we can heal from this together! I'm a Christian as well & I've been dealing with PMO addiction since probably 2013, I believe. But yeah! I know it's weird to talk to a stranger about what you're struggling with, but I figured I'd just offer me being a possible AP with you.
     
    JKH likes this.
  6. JKH

    JKH New Fapstronaut

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    That would be awesome. Some days log in and some I don't just depends on my schedule but feel free to message me and I will try my best to respond in good time
     
    _cwhitey_ likes this.
  7. JKH

    JKH New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for all the responses. It's great just sharing it. I feel as though some burden has been lifted. I ended up not going to church on Sunday due to some other reasons. But today is day 3. Been occupied with work and applications so less time to think about other things which is good. Right now it's the flashbacks and images that are tormenting me. I also wanted to get people's opinions on romantic novels, especially those that describe love scenes, I believe that's a problem as well. I read a lot widely though this year haven't done much reading but I am trying to cut back on those as well as I think they have disillusioned me as to what a real relationship is like. Its hard when you're following a series though to just stop reading it. Occasionally I will say, I will skip those pages but I end up them reading anyway. I also have noticed a pattern. When I PMO, I can go days to weeks without thinking about it or looking it up, but then I end up dreaming about it or slowly start thinking about it. I want to pray about this and other things I dream about. I know this is a religion free space so don't feel like you can't respond if you're not religious, all opinions and help is welcome. We are all trying to get better. With my busy schedule this week, I am doing ok. But I want to make a regular timetable on how I spend my time. I will check out flying pizza's timetable and all the other resources offered. Thank you and I hope everyone is having a great week. Stay strong!
     
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