HE TOLD SOMEONE IRL

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Queenie%Bee, Jul 18, 2019.

  1. Augustin

    Augustin Fapstronaut

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    Of course, there is a reason why I am here. Like everyone else here. The topic doesn't have to do with it... Why do we have to mix things up? If you really want to know, I might tell you some of it at some point.
     
    HeartBrokenAndScared likes this.
  2. Augustin

    Augustin Fapstronaut

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    I agree.

    She said something about me getting the stinger... Maybe I should start running too.
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  3. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    She’s “fine” . Your fine ❤️
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  4. We're all fine.

    (except we're not .. we're all here, on NoFap, struggling through our own journies...)

    But maybe, just maybe, we are all on the road / on the pathway to being fine. :)
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  5. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    FFS I HOPE SO !
     
    TryingHard2Change likes this.
  6. ...took me a second to decode "FFS". ;)
     
    HeartBrokenAndScared likes this.
  7. I just now got it!! I'm saving that one for future use. Love it.
     
    TryingHard2Change likes this.
  8. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    Ha !
    I walk around saying FFS . It’s better than saying all of it especially in the grocery store .
     
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  9. Sir Minato

    Sir Minato Fapstronaut

    Hey guys. I have read through the whole thread. I seem to understand both sides even though I question some of Augustine's methods of communication.
    I think there is a huge communication and interpretation problem here.

    Augustin is trying to understand whether there is a possible way to heal a relationship that goes through a PA revelation. In his special case a friend of him has a wife that deals with it by pure control 100% of the time, and his friend can't even have a relaxed day off. And his friend might even be trying his best to fight his addiction and is honest and transparent and yet gets treated with full control.

    On the other hand, we have wives that have tried their best to support their PA and have been betrayed several times who wanted to stay with their partner cause they loved them and of course because of the bond that doesn't simply fade away.

    These are two scenarios. Augustin wants to know: is it possible to recover from PA reveal, preferably if both sides do their best to achieve that.

    On the other hand: SOs that have tried to recover together and even then have still been betrayed and had to make the healthy choice to let go for themselves.

    Thus, these SO's in here can't help Augustin find what he wants to know. I suggest Augustin opens a new thread and asks this question directly to get answers from couples that went through the process and give detailed answers on how they did it.

    I think Augustine projected the frustration he felt for his friend's wife onto you mistakenly, finding his friend's wife behaving too harsh.

    I hope this is clearer now to everyone and we can return to the actual purpose of the thread.

    If I got something wrong we should still discuss it in the new thread if Augustin opens one. Think everyone involved will be fine if you tag them.
     
  10. Sir Minato

    Sir Minato Fapstronaut

    I can relate to you and I'm glad to see that you are setting that border for you. He is not the only one who needs to heal. You said you were in it for many years. You don't even know the feeling anymore how a healthy relationship can feel where you can let go and trust and know that your partner has deep values he lives by. Thus it is the best for both of you if he can just learn to take responsibility for himself and not fear losing you at the same time with his actions, and you don't have to think and fear and endure what this addiction does with him. And it's great that he is able to take steps now to deal with this better by telling people IRL.
     
  11. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    Based on all, if not most of the resources, I believe it IS possible for a relationship to recover from this but it will
    Take
    A lot
    Of hard work - as individuals and as a couple.

    I personally think it can NOT be done without professional
    Help. There are too many wounds and too many deep
    Issues from
    Present and pass
    That need to be addressed.

    I think most relationships fail because one or both partners lost the will to fight
    Thru
    This.

    Agustine’s “friend” should listed
    To Coach Carol and read her book
    “Help her Heal”.
     
  12. Augustin

    Augustin Fapstronaut

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    I think that I posed some fair questions. I am not saying that these problems are easy. Far from it. I know that it's out of these women's hands in most cases. I don't think there is a problem with my communication methods, but we can go with your explanation. :)
     
  13. Augustin

    Augustin Fapstronaut

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    I agree. You need 4 legs in this case to walk out of the mess.

    Agustine’s “friend” appreciates it.
     
  14. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    Tell your “friend” to read “Out of the Doghouse” by Robert Weiss too. He also hosts a live interactivr Q & A on mondays @ sexandrelationshiphealing.com. That’s a good place for resources to understand sex addictio and its impact to partners. Your “friend” will find it quite valuable.
     
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  15. Augustin

    Augustin Fapstronaut

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    My "friend" has done some reading on addiction in general. My "friend" had some trouble with the spirtuality aspect which was hanging over the whole content which was a bit hard to comprehend. These sources you mentioned might be good to have a look at.
     
  16. TheMightyQuinn

    TheMightyQuinn Fapstronaut

    Full disclosure, only been through the first page of this thread so far:

    They're heavy words and I'm sure it was hard to hear for him but they're not abusive nor vindictive nor demeaning. It's her truth. He's going to have to hear it no matter how it feels for him.

    Peace,
    -Quinn
     
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  17. Augustin

    Augustin Fapstronaut

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    I am glad that I am not in his position. Sometimes I read things in the SO section that even make me cringe. I don't mean anyone here, so no-one should take it personally. It's seems a bit conflicting sometimes.
     
  18. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    I did not say the words to HIM , in that way . I wouldn’t want to make him feel worse than he already does . Just as you read some SO and cringe , I can tell you I’ve read thousands more from PA that make me want to actually vomit . But I learn a lot in here . This addiction sux for all attached to it
     
    Numb likes this.
  19. TheMightyQuinn

    TheMightyQuinn Fapstronaut

    @Augustin Are you in either category? Your profile is restricted and you're somewhat new here or at least an infrequent poster.

    Please don't conduct research on the PAs and SOs as responses to the threads they've started reaching out for support. If you have a question and want better understanding, please post your own thread.

    At least that's the way I see it, it's really @Qnb42078 call to make that request.

    Peace,
    -Quinn
     
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  20. Augustin

    Augustin Fapstronaut

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    That's a wise thing to do. I am not saying that you can't express how you feel about things. I am not saying that at all.
    I don't see it as a contest between PA's and SO's either. Some women here want to make it seem like that, but in my opinion it's not. I think the PA's that are actually active here, already made a very good first step by recognizing the problem and signing up. Isn't that right?
     

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