Hardwired so much?

Bonjour,

I cannot resist more than 3 days! I am keeping resetting and resetting. Good thing is that after almost every time I have some new notions, new triggers recognized, behaviour to change etc. But I am so WEAK at going against thoughts leading to watching some vids and masturbate! Why!?

It's not even about the triggers, most of the time I am not being triggered by the external cause but "internal" auto-thoughts! I think I have recognized a chain leading to pmo. First, it's some loose almost sub-conscious thoughts that I am putting aside (or not), then my mind (me? my ego? my sub-personality? who?) starts to think more and more but not aggressive at all. I think some broken part of me tries to make a plan leading to pmo. First, one text, then some memory appears, then one picture, then sth else, then I enter google pictures, then youtube and boom after some while I am CONSCIOUSLY watching some girls twerking and masturbate...

Well, yesterday I failed again but AT LEAST I managed to create some "space" around an urge. I have started to think and feel what is the feeling, what is the need, why I want to see some pictures. An urge disappear quickly but another one quickly followed and I could not resist anymore... I am standing tight and I am looking forward to a new day BUT I cannot understand how come I am so weak and my willpower is some weak, too! Go, GO willpower, grow