Hand vs body driven M

Hey guys,

this is about porn-induced sexual dysfunctions that occur or emerged primarily during real intercourse, while you 'function' still well PMOing. The underlying mechanism suspected by most of you here is basically, that PMO is so different from real sex and you're so much used to PMO, that real sex won't 'work for you' anymore. The real girl isn't as hot as the P-stars, there is less thrill, less dopamine etc...

The hope placed in NoFap is then to 'normalize' your brain and heal it from the sexual and hormonal overdose of P. Once you reconditioned your mind to go for real sexpartners, sexual problems during real intercourse should disappear. This proves true for some. Others struggle with ED, PE, DE... even after several months or even years without P. You'll find numerous desparate threads here of guys asking if they will ever recover and for how long they'll still have to reboot. They start to believe their problems have become irreversibly permanent and lose hope.

Let me state clearly that I value a certain period of hardmode to reboot the brain. The brain is probably the most important sexual organ! However, while considering the reboot of the brain necessary, I wonder if it's always sufficient.

I am wondering why most men seem to M by hand as a matter of course. With or without P. As if there were no other ways. We're sitting or lying still and the only body part that's moving is one of our hands. Often we apply too much pressure and highspeed. Breath is short in the chest and muscles in and around the pelvis tense up.

That is way different from a good f*** which is driven by the movement of our whole body! It isn't just our mind that isn't well prepared to have real sex anymore, but our body as well! There are hardly any body memories we may rely on during intercourse if that's how we M. We aren't just accostumed to our own body's (and genital's) sensations and functions during real sex. All touch our penis knows is our tightened fist. It doesn't feel anything in a vagina - is that a surprise?

Isn't it odd that most of us aim for penetration as a central sexual fantasy, but then when M'ing we don't ever do anything that comes close to this?

It's as if you'd like to run a marathon. You've been training boxing over many years and believe you're fit enough. Of course there is a cardio effect of boxing. But still it's very different from running for hours in a constant speed. You simply have no clue how your body feels after 3 or 4 hours on the road. Your body shape and weight isn't optimal. You've trained the wrong muscles and you have no well-tried nutrition strategy. Your metabolism isn't prepared.
Probably you'll suffer a lot or even get injured if you haven't trained running before. Possibly you won't finish.
Would the consequence then be to stop boxing, not to train at all and make the participation in long-distance running races your exclusive sport activity?

I'd love to discuss this matter and possibly share more of my related personal experience.

 

That's actually a good example for the point I am trying to make. Due to our common M practice, our body might simply not be used to fuck. This problem adds up to the 'brain-on-porn' issue.

In a way they are correlated: P makes passive consumers out of us who hardly need to move in order to get off - others are moving they're bodies for us. Our desire for penetration becomes merely visual and external. Once we rely on our own fantasies during M, we resense our internal corporal desire for penetration. We're less distracted and more inclined to simulate more actively what we long for - by masturbating bodydriven. And this self-experience will strenghten our sexual confidence to act out in the same manner with a real sex partner.

That sounds like a very good plan. I'd encourage you to complete the hardmode reboot first and see where it leads to. But it's a great advantage to already have an idea of how to change your M practice afterwards. Many fail at the point of ending their reboot, because they don't have an alternative way of M compared to their old habits. Such they're easily trapped back into former patterns.

Just another thought on this. You may try to get rid of goal-orientation in sex, which means it's only 'successfully finished' by an O. There seems to be an inner counter running that evaluates each sexual act and keeps record of (50%) success and (50%) failure. This belief puts stress on you and your wife. Seize the moment of intimacy and sexual arousal (no matter how strong) and allow for sex to 'fade out' satisfyingly even if an orgasm won't happen. It's possible and only a matter of your approach. If you chase the O, there'll always be disappointment in not 'hunting it down' and having to 'give it up' exhaustedly (and your wife will sense this).
You may experiment with this during M as well. And if you tell your wife that you'd like to have sex and enjoy intimacy with her but you're definitely not going to have an O, it may change the game completely and become quite exciting for both of you. By the way, does she know about your NoFap project?