Had to quit job due to PAWS

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Deleted Account, May 9, 2019.

  1. I completely feel you @whysolong
    Me too man, it started about two weeks after deciding to quit porn and masturbation. From there I started having nosebleeds in class, then came the heart rate abnormalities, then the anxiety, the panic attacks, the acute social phobia and agoraphobia. I have even had kidney stones after relapses. I'm currently on disability because of my affliction (officially diagnosed as depression with panic disorder + phobias) and I wouldn't wish what I've been through on my worst enemy. PAWS is not just in your head. It can easily get you into a vicious circle type of thing that is incredibly hard to break if you don't make the right changes. Since going monk mode I've been getting better a little bit at a time but if things don't drastically change for me I will have no other choice than to start taking meds again. It's just no life and I know it's all because of the addiction I had. My anxiety around direct family went away after a month when I first started hard mode, then I would relapse and it would be back again. But when I finally connected all of the dots and was so determined that I swore off masturbating to porn for good, the kidney stones I had been having for years after the monthly relapses suddenly no longer came.
    A person simply can have no understanding of what PAWS really is until they have to go through that hell themselves. It's not just mood problems, and even a licensed psychiatrist will fail to understand what you are truly suffering from. They will mistake it for a depression when in reality it's a severe dysregulation of the nervous system based on dependency issues, one that feels so utterly uncomfortable, life leaves you with no choices other than to stop whatever you are doing to completely focus on recovery. It is that bad. I had to drop out of college, lost my girlfriend, all of that. The stress levels are just insane. I can easily understand why someone would fall into the trap of suicide with an affliction like this, but as long as you correctly identify the problem and make the right changes, there is always hope and your brain will balance itself out sooner or later. Anyone thinking he's exaggerating, it's only when you live each and every day as if you are looking into the jaws of a T-rex every second of the day or something like that, that you will have a true understanding of PAWS. It is an extremely complex disease that requires an extremely careful approach. One suffering from this affliction should never ever fall into the trap of relapsing, first and foremost. Because believe me when I say your brain will try to make sense of it by convincing you that you were better off hooked on porn. Once you are in that withdrawal stage, there simply is no way back. The only way out of this hell leads right through it.
     
  2. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

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    Yup, feels like hanging on a very high cliff while demons are sucking energy out of your stomache and while your relatives are standing safely on the cliff saying "why can't you just focus on the beautiful view"
     
  3. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

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    Or maybe imagine sitting on a rollercoaster that's just above your sweetspot from what you could handle, but it keeps on diving and diving and diving with no end in sight. That's how my body feels sometimes.


    Sounds dramatic huh. Cause it F'ing is


    Also you can't recall these feelings/sensations and what they feel like when it's not there. When you feel relatively "good" you can't imagine anymore the terror. It's fking weird. Like a cold shower; you underestimate it while you're not under it, like "yeah, whatever I could survive that, no problem". But everytime you get under it it fking shocks your system.

    In those moments I also cannot believe anymore that there is anything that has caused it and that I could somehow prevent it in the future

    First time I heard Jordan describe his feelings when getting the wrong things in his diet, I literally cried because of how recognizable it sounded. (watch from 15:00 'till 16:00)



    Ok, done with the bitching for today :emoji_thumbsup:
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2019
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  4. arkad1

    arkad1 Fapstronaut

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    I have probably done that mistake after almost a year, i was into a point where nofap only looked placebo, and i still think it partially is.
     
  5. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

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    Man, I also have a very very hard time believing it..

    But then again, when I look at the other things society has led us to believe for example about diet and health etc... I know that sounds fking cliché, right..

    But I am more and more getting to a point where I will say "F it, I won't go to any authority in any field anymore. I just have to really start having my own back, purely trust my own 5 senses and sort things out through trial and error and pattern recognition and shit.."
     
  6. arkad1

    arkad1 Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely.

    After starting nofap i had a really bad rhinitis, couldn't breathe at night and go to emergency room once for a panic attack.
    After that i got visited by a doctor who told me i needed surgery.

    I didn't believe him, change my diet, no milk and milky products and no gluten, and my rhinitis is gone in a month...

    And that butcher wanted to do surgery on me...
     
  7. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

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    Whuut, that's just unbelievable

    I also have rhinitis, especially in the morning. But that's one of the least of my problems

    What did they want to do surgery on?
     
  8. arkad1

    arkad1 Fapstronaut

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    I always had chronic sinusitis, even as a child, teo years ago i've done 9 months as a vegan and noticed i was breathing really better at night, then i came back eating everything, eating bad and eating a lot.

    So the dictor gave me a cortisone spray but also told me i needed surgery anyway..
    Take the spray for 2 week, it gave a little (very little) relief during night crises, but the situation just got worse.
    After a month of spray i saw the doctor, told him i thought that could be an allergy to something, he still told me i needed surgery but gave me a month of antihistamine to see if the situation got better. Take the antihistamine for 3 weeks, nothing changed , so i finally remembered that during my cegan diet i wss breathing better. Had another night breath crisis, and the day after i ate nothing, and then only fruit and vegetables for 2 weeks.
    The night crises stopped immediately, and my breathing got better and better with days.
    Then i started eating no gluten cereals, legumes, and i tried white meat this monday.
    The situation with my nose is just getting better and better as days goes by...

    And that butcher motherfuc... wanted to open my nose...

    P.s. i live in italy, and doctors get more money the more surgeries they do...


    Sorry i firgot, he wanted to do a laser surgery on my turbinates
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2019
  9. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

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    That's bizarre.. Good job trusting your own instinct
     
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  10. arkad1

    arkad1 Fapstronaut

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    Actually i also find an italian doctor who is for tbe blood group diet (which is condidered unscientifical), he say that si usitis rhinitis an many breathing problems are caused by milky products and gluten, he also says that lung cancer is not caused by smoking (just a little part he says), but is caused by gluten...

    I'm starting his blood group diet soon...
     
  11. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

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    Well, we'll never know for shure will we.. ;)
     
  12. arkad1

    arkad1 Fapstronaut

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    Yep, the thing i know for sure is that the official science doctors wanted to do surgery on me for a problem that would came out again after the surgery.
    And following this non-scientifical doctor i got better in one night...
     
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  13. Man i had goosebumps while reading this, really...and the last part it's so true...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 10, 2019
  14. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    PMO alone never is a problem. It a "comfort blanket", our way of escaping pain life brings us. Please watch this video, it's coming from a person who was addicted to sex, drugs and alcohol for more than 30 years. He is saying:"You're doing it because you know you need to change. You'll have to learn to face all the things you've been hiding from all your life without a comfort blanket (addiction). You've got to experience it, because pain is the part of life. We need to feel emotions, we need to feel pain, sadness, happiness, anger. Self realization that you have a lot to offer. Life is a privilege worth living. No excuses, you can be strong and stay strong."

     
  15. Mhh this is not aplliable in any case...for example i started masturbating when i was 9 and apart from not being able to transform into a super sayan like goku when i screamed i had no other problems in my life believe me. But as a 9 years old kid it just felt good, "natural" and had no idea of the damage i was doing to myself so i kept doing and... by keeping doing it for a decade i became dependent on it and it ruined my life! but no other problems to escape from, i simply and sadly became addicted. And... honestly i think this is the case for the majority of addicts here since most of us started very young and very few had problems to hide from.
    This is why the world deserve to know the truth about porn because when i was a kid nobody advised me on it and now i'm paying the prize.
     
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  16. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    I must respectfully disagree. Most of long term addicts I came across here, had some kind of mental problem to begin with. I'm not saying you are one of them. It's just that most people fall into this category, even if they don't realize it yet. It might be as benign as having low self-esteem, feeling embarrassed in some social situations, being bullied in school, on social media etc. PMO becomes your tension reliever and bingo, before you know it, you're addicted to it. It's just like with cigarettes. You try it out of curiosity, soon you realize it calms your nerves, fast forward few years and you do it just because you need nicotine (which is nerve toxin btw), period. Our "nicotine" is dopamine rush while having an O or binge MB.
    My old friend has been a doctor in a hospital rehab center for a long time and he said to me, he has yet to encounter a patient without preexisting psych issues.
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2019
  17. Yes but all what you mention here are porn side effects, low self-esteem, social anxiety etc etc...i even had ocd, severe anxiety and depression in my last few years of porn usage but had none of these problems when i started...
    what it comes first the egg or the chick? Only way is to go till the end of these paws and find it out...
     
  18. AspiringVitality

    AspiringVitality Fapstronaut

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    I have to agree here with @when every hope is lost

    To be honest, I experienced some of the things you mention in my youth but that is a walk in the parc compared to the side effects and (P)AWS from PMO-edging...
     
  19. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    Are you certain about that? Binge PMO undoubtedly makes things worse, but I'm not so sure mild preexisting condition wasn't there to begin with. There are such things as addictive personality traits, which makes one more susceptible to becoming addicted to substance or behavior.

     
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  20. I don't know man, i can only speak for myself and my experience.
     
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