Had to quit job due to PAWS

That concludes you are doing good. And understand these random ups and downs in life are part of life. That also happens with normal people with no addiction or paws. That's why there are we have things and friends family to cheer us up when we feel low and/or celebrate .

 

I've just applied basic psychology. I'm presuming that your critique is quite shallow because you didn't point out anything specific about my post that bothered you.

Everything I said would apply to anybody who's an addict and suddenly has loads of free time on his hands. You're a religious chap, Idle Hands are the devil's workshop, sound familiar?

I see. What are you going to replace it with? Exercise alone won't do the trick.
My worry is that you go on a holiday for an indefinite amount of time to figure out your life. While one of the best ways to keep your mind from engaging in porn thoughts 24/7 is to have a job, where you have to show up and have to interact with other people. Especially when you're a heavy addict. You need that connection to the "normal" world, loads of time alone will do you no good.
Also, not trying to toot my own horn, but maybe have a read on this just in case there's something in there that could get you ahead.

That's a healthy attitude. Never give up on yourself, life needs you.

 

I was contemplating what PAWS mean in a grand scheme of recovery and come to the conclusion that they are much overrated and overdiscussed. If one has made up his mind to free himself from Fapping for life, it really doesn't matter, if it takes 3, 6 or 36 months to get rid of them. They're just one obstacle on your journey. There's no point in bitching about it. The sooner we accept suffering, sooner we can put our minds and energy to more productive use.

I've read a book (Guy Stagg - The Crossway) about a guy who fell into deep depression, tried to commit suicide, got saved last minute and after accidentally joining short pilgrimage which somewhat lifted his spirit, decided to take extraordinary ten-month journey on foot from Canterbury to Jerusalem (+5.000 km), no matter what. He had no money, no equipment was in terrible shape. He nearly frozen when crossing Alps in the winter, survived terrorist attack, yet he managed to finish his journey and cure his depression down the road. He came to the conclusion that it was the journey, not reaching goal that saved him. That kind of determination we need, if we want to free ourselves from this addiction. We need to rather die than return to the old ways of life. I've been addicted half of my life and trying to get rid of it for 8 years now. Never say never, but I really think I've crossed the Rubicon. There's no running away anymore, even if PAWS kill me.

 

What else can you do but to accept them? Every action we take has the consequence. Binge Fapping for nearly 2 decades was not a smart thing to do, but I did it and now I have to live with the consequences. What I want doesn't matter. I can either accept the pain and move on or bitch about it, cultivate negative emotions and most probably relapse at some point in time when self-pity overruns my rational mind.

 

Yes I noticed I too may sound dramatic in a sense when talking about (P)AWS.

We can accept them all we want but that doesn't make them go away.
What does help though is communication between people who know a little better about what the other person has to endure.
That's also what makes men bond in the military.
And they don't bitch all day long, but they still need each other when going through hell.

My main goal is not to bitch or complain. It's to take back control over my nervous system, my body and my whole life. And that's why I ask many questions around here, because I am sometimes desperate for reassurance

 

I can't agree more on this

I have actually been printing out other peoples posts and threads about their symptoms and recovery stories. So that when I am feeling a bit more desperate I can have at least something to cling to. But even thát is not enough sometimes LOL (not so LOL)

 

I'm not blaming you of bitching, I'm just saying that rumination around things you can't change seams pointless to me. I did my fair share of bitching and still do it occasionally but I try not to, because nothing good comes out of it. I've had severe chronical pain in my left foot for 5 years now and no doctor can find the cause. I'd have to take opioids on daily basis if I wanted to live pain free life. I choose not to as using them on daily basis is very dangerous, especially for people like me, with addictive personality traits. So what else can I do, but to accept the pain?

I'm in my fifth month of monk mode and yes I experience quite serious side effects right now (insomnia, depression, general/social anxiety, panic attacks, anhedonia). PAWS are very similar to my chronic pain. I can't fast forward to the time when PAWS will not bother me anymore so I have to learn to endure them. At least I have hope that they will end some day.

 

I came across one quote that describes perfectly my thoughts around PAWS and life in general:

"Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… It’s about learning to dance in the rain."

 

Can't tell you if the decision is right or wrong, but i've been through paws for 170 and more days, and i know they're hell...

 

And when the rain falls, it don’t fall on one mans house.

 

Hi all, day 395 here. I was sectioned on a psychiatric ward in months 3-4, I went hardmode from day 1. Relapse took place on first day of month 8. Only masturbsted once then continued my streak from April 2018 till now. Edged a little in the shower a two week ago after 385 days. But nothing significant. Everyone almost were fapping on the psychiatric ward. It was horrendous. I was put on meds. Still on meds to this day. I’d say you made a good choice to leave ur job but you could have taken some meds. It’s all psychological. The psychological problems go away if you learn to cultivate your thoughts and physical health first and foremost. Some meditating is good but breathing helps too. Vitamin d in tablet form is excellent.

I couldn’t cope. So I was put on meds for becoming hyped and violent. Porn really messes u up. It’s a curse.

It affected me differently though. Pmo causes me anger issues. I also have hypothyroidism. Pmoing makes that worse.

I guess we’re not alone. If I suffered a breakdown from pmoing then others have suffered too. If others have recovered, I can and it tells me so can u too !

 

There is a thread about paws somewhere, i experienced almost all of them, some i don't even remember.
Stiffnef of the legs, to the point it was hard to get up from a chair, crazy mental up and downs, you can be super happy in the morning and want to kill yourself in the evening, super tired, i needed to sleep a lot, all night and all day, my teeth started to hurt super hard, i was peeing a lot, like 4\5 times per night...and many others i don't even remember

 

Only like your comments for the last sentence. I used to read other people's comments on this forum or reddit before joining. Comments like" go exercise outside". Then I went to do it, after 45 to 1h playing, I started shaking and felt worse. Why? Because my system nervous has been fucked up badly by pmo. Now all I do is take a walk outside the sun with a 9 months monkmode streak.