Had to quit job due to PAWS

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by whysolong, May 9, 2019.

  1. whysolong

    whysolong Fapstronaut

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    The paws symptoms have become so unbearable that I handed in my resignation today, I leave at the end of the month.

    This addiction is no joke, I genuinely feel like I've been detoxing off a hard drug for 5 months now.
     
  2. Theamos

    Theamos Fapstronaut

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  3. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    Porn induced withdrawal symptoms


    This is going to sound a bit harsh, but I think that was a very stupid idea.

    First off I believe you that you're suffering and that it's affecting your performance at your job like a sickness would. I understand the notion that you want to take time off to "heal".

    Here's the problem tho: We humans need a purpose, need responsibility. Especially men. You have a system in your brain that tracks your social status and it just registered that you quit your job and will start to flood your body with cortisol, a stress hormone, in order to urge you to fix the situation. If you stay unemployed for too long (depending on your financial situation) you will start to show first signs of depression. An excellent opportunity for the porn demon inside you to take a hold of you.
    In fact don't fool yourself that your decision to quit was entirely motivated by the benevolent idea to make yourself heal. It is likely that you have a darker motivation behind it which is to take the time off to break yourself and to get back into that porn world, because your inner demon knows that your job was a hindrance for that.

    We all have a hard time quitting this shit, some more some less, but to have the quickest return to a normal life without porn you need to live your live right now like you want to live it for the rest of your life. The only exception would be if you join a rehabilitation center, but you didn't mention that, so I'm assuming you want to "heal on your own" which, again, is a stupid idea.
     
    PMObad, Rex Fury, AaronDB and 4 others like this.
  4. whysolong

    whysolong Fapstronaut

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    Trust me dude, I don't want to quit my job, I've really got no choice, I cannot function like this every day in a high stress job, I keep getting warnings from managers and I can barely function.

    I fall into the extremely addicted category, I did a 10 month streak last year before giving up and binging for 2 months before getting back on the wagon in my current streak. Last year was HELL going to work and I eventually cracked and gave up because I could not cope with the way I was feeling every day.

    And yes these PAWS symptoms are 100% induced by quitting porn, I don't have some kind of back story I'm not telling you. Like I said I am one of the severe cases.

    I'm going to use the time I'm out of work to quit smoking, eat better and exercise to try and improve the paws symptoms. I'm one of the people that will take years to make a full recovery.
     
  5. pjain261

    pjain261 Fapstronaut

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    @whysolong I have been into same condition and trust me I regret quitting my important assignment at my office . You can say it was me who was overthinking of office politics about me. I could relate that I could have come stronger if I could have continued same job and could come out confident and could handle that office politics more maturely as it was all induced by my underperformance . I am sure that underperformance was linked to my porn usage and then withdrawal and again my mind said (the darker side) that go alone take leave this and go on vacationto do fapping only . That was a big mistake from my side and will say don't lie to yourself .
     
  6. whysolong

    whysolong Fapstronaut

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    Dude I'm not trinking myself to relapse lol, like I said I did 10 months last year and I only gave up simply because I could not cope with paws.

    I have no desire to use porn at all, I'm just dealing with the brain changes from quitting. It really is hell.
     
  7. pjain261

    pjain261 Fapstronaut

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  8. pjain261

    pjain261 Fapstronaut

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    Right that's what you are not saying but that could be inner calling that you don't know . Anyways it's up to you suggestion is to keep the job.
     
  9. Tywin Lannister

    Tywin Lannister Fapstronaut

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    Dude, thar sounds pretty severe. I've come across a couple of other stories about severe withdrawals where their stories sometimes even almost match benzo withdrawal..

    I was put on meds and moved back in with the parents this time last year because I couldn't take it anymore. I am completely off meds since end 2018.
    I am now starting to feel the same things again..

    Did you also experience this overwhelming sense of impending doom at some point? With that unrelenting feeling in your stomache.. Where it makes you virtually bedridden, shaking an dying from the weirdest kind of anxiety for no fucking reason.. Not able to sleep.. ?
    It's not panic/anxiety attacks but an ongoing feeling and comes with insomnia, diarhea, pissing all the time at night. Where you can't make or eat food, can't really be alone, etc.
     
  10. whysolong

    whysolong Fapstronaut

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    I'll think on it, I appreciate the advice anyway dude.

    These PAWS symptoms are brutal, one guy I've been talking to took 18 months to fully recovered so I know it's possible.

    I'm not thinking of going out of work long term, just a few months to try and get some improvement. I can easily get another job so it doesn't concern me.

    But yeah unless you been through paws it's extremely difficult to describe what it feels like, I imagine it's similar to a severe form of depression but with a host of other symptoms.
     
  11. whysolong

    whysolong Fapstronaut

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    Yup got all that, plus way more. Don't even get me started on food, when my paws/flatline is at its worst I have zero appetite.

    If you were on SSRI's it's possible some of your symptoms are your brain recalibrating back to normal, combine that with paws and that's a hell I wouldn't wish on anyone.
     
  12. Tywin Lannister

    Tywin Lannister Fapstronaut

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    I was not on meds when the heaviest, scary stuff happened..

    What do you do/how do you keep yourself in check when going through the intense dread? Did you have it 24/7?
     
  13. Big Lebowski

    Big Lebowski Fapstronaut

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    They're fucking brutal man and I can really sympathise with you. I've been in and out of jobs and even had a two year stint of being unemployed because of the unbearable anxiety and dysfunctional state. If you have the means to do so focus on yourself small new habits. 19 months, I think a few more months and I'll be there myself.
     
  14. whysolong

    whysolong Fapstronaut

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    Hey mate, I actually was messaging you not long ago lol.

    All I can do is use the time off work to quit smoking, exercise and eat a bit better, other than that there's fuck all I can really do. Starting to regret my decision handing in my notice but I can't go on like this, every day at work feels like a epic struggle to get to the end of the day.
     
  15. Tywin Lannister

    Tywin Lannister Fapstronaut

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    I was a very busy full time student + part-time job + fighting in the gym + having a hot gf + an enjoyable social life

    All thats gone since hell started

    Now I only get off the couch to get into the kitchen to make some food, if I can handle it. Let alone trying to exercise.
     
  16. BigOne79

    BigOne79 Fapstronaut

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    Interesting symptoms you have and I can relate to all of that. I see you are on 45 days so these symptoms must be fairly recent then. I went through the same thing, constant bad anxiety, pissing in the middle of the night, job performance somehow stayed okay but was torture trying to make it work. I was not bedridden because I told myself to get up and go workout even though I felt like shit and tried to eat as good as possible. You have to give hard mode a good long try for more than 8-10 months or possibly a year and I believe you will see benefits then. I am like the poster on here and that I am sever having over 15 years of addiction but the last six years it became more consistent use and isolation occurred. I need at least a year or more. The good thing is the anxiety and panic after almost six and a half months is great now and do not feel that bad anymore.
     
  17. Big Lebowski

    Big Lebowski Fapstronaut

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    Yea I remember mate.

    Time is the only important thing with this I've learnt. Paws will take you for a ride, a wild one. But you'll come out of it in the months gradually. I used to hate working with acute withdrawal symptoms the anxiety was too much.
     
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  18. whysolong

    whysolong Fapstronaut

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    For me my arms and legs just feel so fucking heavy like I have to manual move them instead of it being a automatic reflex, I feel spaced out all day, mild depression and desperate to just get home so I can lay down.

    I feel flat like there's no stimulation going on in my head, I'm basically zombified.

    I keep cutting corners with my work in order to give the illusion of productivity and now people are noticing,

    If for example I knew this was going to get better in a couple of months I would tough it out but there is no specified time that I'm going to start feeling better. Even if I was just 15% better that would be enough for me to not leave the job.
     
  19. Tywin Lannister

    Tywin Lannister Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, big respect for the long streak. I've failed my streak since yesterday, should reset my counter.. I actually was looking for the rush because I still can't believe I have these symtoms because of pmo-edging, so I wanted to "analyse" the shot I would get by looking at some pics and stuff. Shouldn't have done that..
    I wanted to know if the rush was as extreme as the symptoms are. Well I think it comes close. After hours of edging my whole body hurt! My legs were burning, my whole back hurt and my head also massively. Couldn't stand up straight longer than 10 secs really..
    So when I tried going to sleep, I got one or two instances where my body convulsed..
    And STILL my brain is convincing me that "hey, this feels shit but you don't want without pmo-edging, it can't be thát bad!"

    I mean, WTF

    Have you ever wondered it might be something else than pmo withdrawal?
    If not, what did you do to keep yourself from thinking it could be something else?
     
    Big Lebowski likes this.
  20. Big Lebowski

    Big Lebowski Fapstronaut

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    If you asked me If I was a non addict if porn could cause these symptoms I would of laughed. It took me a while to accept that it was porn that was deteriorating my life. I loved the opioid type high it gave me thats what it felt like. It just burns your brain, nervous system out so much. The constant novelty, stimulation is no good. Like I've said before I related to benzo addicts more than the typical nofap crowd who are cured in a few weeks.
     

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