I agree with you. I don't think women should stay if the man is not stopping. I think my point was though, when you are the person who has no say in how things are, other than leaving the man, it is significantly more frustrating. You have to just rely on him to stop, or leave him. Whereas he can stop (even if it is hard due to addiction), and control the situation. The lack of control and often the lack of effort at all on the part of the addict causes a lot of stress for the partner. There are many addicts on here who have relapsed weekly, and then can't understand why their partner leaves them, or accuse her of not being understanding. There has to be understanding on both sides, and if he won't change then he has to live with the consequences of his actions, not play the victim of his own actions.