Grateful to Relapse

So usually when I relapse I get pretty down. There's a pattern of being sad, followed by getting mad and swearing 'never again'. Usually this occurs through a few albums of Linkin Park...

But my last few slip ups involved a different reaction. Calmly asking myself why it happened? and what I can change?

This morning I finally admitted to myself that I need a big change. More than just a few better habits and not watching porn.

I brainstormed and came up with a list of 6 areas I wanted to improve in my life. And acknowledged that one of my main issues (that of being single), will only change when I put real effort into myself first.


I just want to remind anyone struggling with ongoing relapses, that you can choose to look on the positive side very quickly.

A relapse is an opportunity to improve!

Identify what needs changing. And make a realistic plan to make it happen. Please be mindful that it will likely be quite a few things, until you can feel you're living the life you want.

 

Hi devsMind,

I did continue down this path and tried to see the positive opportunities from a relapse, and to forgive myself for it. I think I have more gratitude with relapses and my current progress.

Last few months I've started to really shrug off relapses. Not to say I don't try to be mindful of what caused them or how I could do better. But I'm not treating them like the biggest deal anymore.

I think gratitude could play a part, because I'm trying to keep perspective in how much I've changed my lifestyle and lessened porn use over the years.

And I'm actually quite grateful for this addiction in the first place. Yes it's been a terrible struggle, but it's without a doubt set me up to be more resilient and know right from wrong in this world. I can thank it for that.

Any more questions feel free to ask, cheers!

 

Yes they're very good points. And I have seen lots of comments of people wanting to go full 'monk mode' and do away with any fun things in life.

Look that might work for some, and that's great. But from what I've read it's generally better to get your 'feel good' dopamine hits from natural things. Music, socialising, hobbies. They may not feel amazing at first, but they will feel better over time.

I think some porn use with masturbation can have very negligible affects on people. But that's with a few caveats.
- they use for a very short time
- they use for a very low frequency
- they avoid extreme fetish genres
- they are either open about it with partner, or are single
- they make sure it doesn't develop into a coping mechanism

The last 3 points I've boldened because I think they slowly affect the majority of porn users. Of course I'm generalising, but I think they are very common issues that develop over time for the average porn user.

They get used to one fetish, and move on to another. Eventually leading to something unhealthy.
They avoid giving affection to their partner, or avoid pursuing a new partner.
They have a big stressful event in their life, or a few stressful events, and suddenly - what was a 15 minute thing twice a week to relieve stress, is now turning into hours each day to avoid reality.

So considering all that. Though I'm not for banning porn and telling people what to do. I don't think I can actually recommend porn use in any real capacity. Just knowing the risks.

Of course you could make a similar argument for alcohol or drugs. But porn is accepted or ignored by society, free to use, and easy to hide. Thus making it a particularly problematic habit.