got rejected by girl on train but .....

Islanders. It's so amazing how many excuses we make for why can't do something. I was talking to a friend, and told him that the list of why you can't do something or why you can do something can both be equally long. It only depends on attitude.

Islanders, my experience has told me that the only solution is to face what makes you anxious and over time you realize that it isn't as big as we make it out to be. Perfect example was the train girl. I think the reason it makes us so happy is this realization that our enemy (i.e. anxiety) is actually weak-sause.. we just give it more due. The more we beat the shit out of it, the more we'll realize there are bigger fish to fry in life.

Well, I was really dressed up, so just that made me stand out, and I always make eye contact and smile at attractive girls. I'll be honest that I don't like staring, because I don't find it gentlemanly. My theorem is , rather than stare, just talk. Once you've made eye contact and smiled, you've registered in their mind so it's not totally out of the blue. I hate approaching a person that has not seen me, because that is a surprise and I don't like being surprised.

I've had experience that a look is not always a guarantee that they're open to talking. I remember this one girl at the airport that stared and smiled, and once i started talking to her, she got nervous... and i figured out why. her husband/bf was coming to pick her up... so she was just tryna be naughty and boost her ego... ( i think!) so i wouldn't necessarily depend on stares...

I would also point out that lot of people that don't approach rely so much on eye contact and to me it's a relatively weak and vague form of communication. But the reason they stare is simple... THEY DONT HAVE THE BALLLS TO TALK!

SO in summary, to kill it , just keep hitting it everyday. Think of it as trying to bring down a wall. It may seem impossible to break, but you gotta hit that shit on a daily... and maybe 10 or 100 strikes later... MR PRESIDENT THE WALL HAS BEEN TORN!

You got this MAN!! LEt's get rejected more and enjoy life!

 

Hey Tesslynne,

Meeting people in real life without any online strings is just so exciting! Also, I would recommend to incorporate into your life, rather than have a fixed period.

Let me clarify what I mean.

When I was in college, I was in the Pick up Arist (PUA) movement. Now my criticism with that is that it can get addictive. The rush and feelings of empowerment. So it got to the point where I would hit on almost EVERY girl. On my walk to class, I'd try to talk to a couple. In class, I'd talk to a couple. In cafes, in the library. On the road, at the gym! So pretty soon I had so many names and numbers, and I wasn't even wanting to talk to the "catches" because I'd want to get my next number!

So as you can imagine, the PUA thing got too distracting and I decided to give it up because I was wasting too much time and needed to study.

Now I went from PUA to nothing. I really appreciated the serenity that came with knowing that I can go and get em, but I'm just focusing on SCHOOL!

But I think, you should just leave the door open. You don't have to seek opportunities or force them, but also don't miss out on an available opportunity (i.e. the train). Maybe you'll meet the guy on a weekday, maybe on the weekend, maybe in the park, maybe in the library!

As a guy, it's even rarer to have a girl approach us, and it flatters our ego, and we respect you just like you respect us.

Just like I'm advising Islanders, you just have to be open to running into a prick or a socially awkward person. YOUR JOB is to just keep attempting, and you'll be surprised what lands!

I AM EXCITED TO HEAR YOUR EXPERIENCES! you go get it , girl!

 

Thanks for sharing that video!!

I also love Shia's video! It's actually that simple! DO THE DAMN THING, stop thinking about it before and after! JUST DO IT!

Doing that sounds like a good formula if it helps you. For me, I just tell myself that either I'll do my "one thing" or i'll fall in to my old ways. It's just a life that I've chosen, and I never want to go back to that shelled me!

In the PUA community they had the three second rule. Scope it out, count till 3, then GO! leaves no room to second-guess!

 

I am a member of the "not enough time" crowd. It is a valid reason (not excuse), as chasing women is silly when you could be doing so much more to improve. That aside, some do use it as an excuse, and those are the people this thread is for.

 

Evolutionary, i think you may be right that not enough time is a reason. It happened to me yesterday that I didn't going anywhere where I could find an opportunity, so I didn't intentionally go out of my way.

I've mentioned during this thread why I do it, and as you can see among the many things I am trying to do to improve myself, talking to girls is actually one of them. I don't think it's a waste of time, it's utilizing it to keep me on my commitment with nofap and defeat anxiety!

 

If I had the money I would PAY someone to take the best pickup re-write it so it applied to women seeking men and give it to me. I would wade through all the pick up myself & do that if I could stomache the bad stuff. But I have read a lot of to me negative stuff like that older women are garbage from there, stuff I am still struggling to get out of my head.

But I am gonna re-read your post about approaching & I am gonna DO it!!

 

I LOVE that 3 second rule

That is epic so much of what you all are saying is EPIC

Dressing the part - I avoid singles events that say cocktail dresses or dress to impress.

I've moved away from jeans to the odd dress etc now & then though.

Like a wrap dress that shows my curves & a purple velvet one or a long skirt & nice top.

It's harder to have the confidence to approach if in little kid teacher clothes at end of day but should do it any way.

Even if NOT dressed the part

 

I don't think dressing up is as essential, and over time you get comfortable with doing it whenever, because you have already found the confidence!

In the beginning though, building your confidence is super important, and that's where the "You look good. You feel good" is really important.

I think the principles of Pickup apply to both men and women, and I don't know what age has to do with anything. Pickup doesn't mean you have to pickup younger women. When I was 20, I picked up a 44 year old woman! One of the best experiences in my life! hehe

There is some immaturity in the people that write that like to objectify women, and their conquests somehow get stronger by treating them like crap!

I always like to treat people with respect, whether they accept or refuse, young or old.

But it is true, that as you become more confident, one girl in particular has much less impact on you because you know that it's up to you to keep seeking. It is less of a dependent feeling that many people feel. You aren't waiting for something to come to you, but you are out there creating your chances.

I am glad that you are showing openness and resolution in making this happen! THAT is the most important ingredient.

One of my most important pieces of advice is that never let anyone doubt yourself or how beautiful you are. People often think that if one girl rejects me, then there must be something seriously wrong with me.

I'll share some advice that I gave to a friend here who really needed to lift his confidence to approach girls. Maybe it's more than you need, but maybe it will help!! GOOD LUCK!

Lot of people think it is necessary to be social and good-looking to talk to girls , but the truth is those things only INCREASE your chances. THEY DON'T MAKE YOUR CHANCES..

THE ONLY THING. THE ONLY THING. YOU CAN COUNT ON, on any given moment,.... IS YOU!

Not the cars , the money, the mansion, the job, the looks... ALL those don't matter

If Brad Pitt wasn't famous, 99/100 girls would check him out but 0/100 girls would probably go up to talk to him. If guys have a hard time talking to a hot girl, imagine girls!! No one wants to put their pride at risk and get rejected!

I really appreciate that you are HONEST in expressing your doubts about your skills with women! THE first step to solving a problem is admitting it, just like our pmo problem!

But let me start of my advice, the first piece of general advice is that you have to leverage your strengths in one area of life into the other!

For example, if you can go out and found that organization, then why can't you talk to a girl! You are no joke, YOU ARE AN organization founder. So you say I am gonna go talk to you, and whether you accept my advance or refuse it, I AM STILL GONNA BE A HELL OF A GUY. I still look good, and I'm still on to greatness... So lady, I ain't mad atcha, but you sure missed out on your lottery!!! I AM THE SAME GUY Who networked relentlessly to get that job. I am the PMO subjugator! I am so SPECIAL, what does she even know?? Too bad, better luck next time lady!

You getting the spin of this? NO SELF-PITY NO SELF-DOUBTS!

Don't let anyone tell you that you're any less than MARVELOUS!!!

Marvelous Marv said about Sugar Ray: " A while ago, I wanted him bad, but now I'm over that. I LIKE ME NOW. I LOVE ME. I am a very nice guy carrying himself well"

We all need to nurture that positive attitude of self love and self-appreciation. We must love ourselves before we can truly accept love.

Once we love ourselves, then no one can take it away from us, so whether they accept us or not, we are still ok, because we accept ourselves!

To be honest, It would be an exaggeration to say that I don't get nervous when I approach girls. Although, now that I am on day 7, I am a lot LESS nervous than I was before.

In the beginning it seems like a huge mountain, but as you do more of it, it becomes much more manageable!

I don't know if you do cold showers. I almost feel like even though I am on day 8 of showering, it still seems hard. Not as much as day 1 of course, but they're still damn hard!!

Every time I take that shower, I remind myself how this shower has a longer discomfort period than the most awkward real-life encounter. It's very important to move on with any bad that comes your way. JUST DONT DWELL ON IT. STOP THINKING ABOUT IT, and move on.

No encounter defines you! You are an amazing person whether the girl liked you or totally ignored you!! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE AMAZING AND YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING PEOPLE SHUDDER AT THE THOUGHT OF!!! You are fucking dangerous!

Ok, my first challenge is very simple ok...

Take a lot of deep breaths! This is totally new and you're getting 5000 meters away from your comfort zone, but you're a KING , you can handle this!

I want you to either go to a cafe, grocery store, gym, park, library... make sure you have been to the bathroom for both #1 and #2. Dress up to your best and put on your favorite fragrance!! wear nice shoes, and wear a watch! If you stand out, THAT's GOOD!! The reason I am making you do all this is because " You look good, you feel good". Look in the mirror, and tell yourself... "DAMM, I LOOK GOOD.. any girl would be lucky to have me!" and add other awesome things to yourself!!

See you're feeling good, you're looking good, and you're appreciating yourself!
Now tell yourself that I am going to go talk to one girl that I find moderately attractive. Try to make sure that she's not too engrossed (i.e. talking on the phone), and ideally if she's just reading a book or shopping, then it's totally ok! you have to be ok with making a move. I don't know if you've ever done sales, but making a move is like a sales pitch! You want something from them, you're going to make an offer, and then let the other party accept/reject it, and you should respect their decision ad don't be insistent... no one likes THAT GUY!

So i want you to tell yourself that your only OBJECTIVE is to make the move.. and the reason you are doing it because you want to face your fear/anxiety!! No matter what happens, you're still a WINNER because "TO WANT WHAT OTHERS DONT HAVE , YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT OTHER WONT DO". Just by making an approach, you're getting in the 0.00001% of the population. You're that super-small minority that has the balls to take life by the horns!

GIRLS fucking love guys that have guts!! A girl mentioned on NoFap's forum how girls admire how it takes guts to talk, whether they accept you or not!
https://www.NoFap.com/forum/index.php?threads/got-rejected-by-girl-on-train-but.83111/#post-664820

(Lol self-referential)

Go ahead and say this " Hi, I am sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to tell you that I really liked your watch/shoes/hair/book" (random compliment, ice breaker, use your creativity). You can also make a situational comment "What a cold day!" or I use this too when i'm frisky "You really remind me of my friend!"

Now based on whatever they say, you either carry on the convo, or politely wish them a great day and move on!

This is all I need from you. REMEMBER IT IS 99.99% MENTAL. What you say or how you say plays a much smaller role, although I need you to say Hi with warmth and confidence, and a smile. That is really helpful because it kinda softens people towards you.

I know you can handle this! YOU CAN HANDLE YOUR NERVES and get out of your comfort zone!

You are not trying to accomplish anything from the other person. YOU JUST NEED TO DO THE DAMN THING! Hopefully she isn't mean, but if she is, fuck it! That's her problem, and not yours! What you are doing is damn admirable!


PLEASE LET ME know if you have any questions, need advice, and I AM REALLY excited to hear how your experience goes! There ain't nothing to it, but to do it!!

 

“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

Be Strong My Friend.

 

I was hoping people were going to tell us about their attempts at approaching, so we could build a strong community and better understanding of people's experiences and tips!

 

I was interested in PUA at one point, but devoting any fraction of your time to pursuing women is a waste of time to me. Life is too short for all that.

 

LOVE this!

I want to be one of the people to be doing that this year!

So far, in 2017 haven't fancied anyone, although this guy with dimples & a cute accent asked me about where the train was going and I wondered if that was partially an excuse (cos, hey, there IS a SIGN!) but I wasn't sure so I told him in a friendly way, but didn't say more.

And I had a guy who wanted just you know what, online guy, but I was like, get in line I'm going to a party on Friday night & ice skating on Saturday night. (Not like, I was really lovely about it as in I have plans this weekend.)

I want to put myself more this year, I NEED to, but also, I DO want to practising approaching if I see someone I fancy.

I want to see it as something enjoyable - approaching, rather than terrifying!

You make it sound fun and that really inspires me!! Hopefully I will have things to share this year and I LOVE your encouragement and your attitude, it freaking ROCKS, man! Thank you!!

 

I think part of it for me is "choking" on what exactly DO I SAY. I guess I could have asked "dimples" about his accent. Ha ha 20 20 hindsight!
But you are giving me good ideas!

 

I am really glad you liked what I wrote!

Having the attitude to make attempts makes a big difference. There is this thing called inertia, and if we don't work to overcome it then we are likely going to fall back to our old ways.

Absolutely make it something you enjoy rather than something terrible! IT'S NOT! There could be slight unpleasantness, but your positivity and self-understanding makes you know that it doesn't change you negatively for doing what you are doing!!

Thanks so much for all your positive words and encouragement! Even as I encourage, I still love encouragement!!

YOU GO TESS! You're gonna do this and become the female champ!

As for what to say.. don't sweat it! Just say something and use your creativity! The first words are just a door-opener, and if there's a conversation to be had, it'll progress smoothly and naturally!

BEST OF LUCK in finding the next dimpled hero